What a rollercoaster I've been on this weekend...

Well, gosh, I saw my old flame, a married man over the weekend. I wrote about this previously, the junior high/high school/college, and post college relationship we had after growing up in poverty in the coalfields of WV. He went off to Harvard and is now a judge and mediation lawyer, and we have corresponded for over a year, regularly, sometimes sev. times a day. He's married, and not gonna get a divorce. The visit was pleasant at the start, with our going to a Marshall Univ. football game and dinner. The next evening, Sunday, he came here to my house, and our discussions of our past resulted in my weeping uncontrollably (unlike me) and his tearing up also. On Monday, he had a long labor hearing (the reason he was down here in WV), and I did not expect to see him, but around 7:30 my doorbell rang and it was him in his business suit, looking all handsome. I was in my slob clothes, without makeup, and puffy eyes from the crying jag from the previous night. I had even taken a sick day from work to recover from it! During the two evenings we had together, he massage my hands, in which I have arthritis. It was so touching and intimate. We also hugged briefly. I realize my attraction to this man is so intense and so surpasses anything I could ever feel for another man. I even told him, tearfully, that it is "almost enough" for me to hear from him via email, as we have done for the past year, and the infrequent, nonsexual visits. Sound pitiful??? I want to know what you all think of this.
Seeker

It may be better to keep away from him.
Why stir up the flames if you're only going to get burnt? It'll end up burning others, too.
You will find another man with whom you'll feel a strong attraction to, also. But, it'll never happen if you're too busy eyeballing this married one.
I may have misunderstood but it sounds like you got one leg in his bed already. Do the right thing and let it go.

Actually, no "leg in the bed" but I was intensely emotionally and physically attracted, managing to keep it under control. What an amazing man he is! But, I will keep it all in perspective, I will, and not obsess.
Seeker

Seeker,

Unfortunately this is one of those situations where you can hurt a little now, or hurt a lot later.

The happiness you might imagine is available is a mirage. Don't go there.

I have read some of your other posts, and you sound like a wonderful person. You deserve better.

You need to completely cut this one loose.

Best of Luck
Twinks

Oh, my gosh, Twinks, you really think so, even if I can be content with only emails!!!???
Seeker

Seeker,

I don't know if you have children.
But if you had a daughter in this position, what would you tell her to do? " Just play with the fire a little bit honey".

I know that for me emails would just fan the flames.

I'd be checking my emails 1000 times a day, and dreaming of bigger and better things happening.

But maybe that's just me.
Maybe I have too many hormones.

I'm not disregarding the amount of pain you are in right now. I understand how heart wrenching this can be.

You will need time to mourn the loss of a dream. But then you will have the opportunity to meet the man of your dreams that can fulfill them.

I wish you the very best
Twinks

Sorry, Seeker, I didn't mean to offend you.

Jax!!! you didn't offend me at all!!! and I like the social misfit in you!!! Keep giving me feedback!
Seeker

Okay, okay, I asked for this one. I emailed him, still rather giddy from the time I was around him, and rec'd today a rather proper letter, somewhat impersonal. I can't blame him; he IS married, after all. No harm was done, and I won't go there again.
Thanks all of ya !
Seeker

Hi Seeker,

I feel for you, really I do. I think that we all want someone to care for us and make us feel special, and you have been so open about your vulnerability at the moment.

My sincere advice to you is to take a deep breath and go on some dates with available and suitable guys. In six months, maybe a year, you could be at a very different place in life. Once you are with someone who values you and cares for you, everything will feel so different, and the difficult times will be forgotten.

It can happen!

Good thoughts, M