parents getting divorced

for 3 years christmas holidays has always been ruined in different ways. first year my cat died, second year i was sexually assaulted and now this year well..
my mom told my dad not to come to our christmas gathering we usually have, she made him stay home. and today my dad came into my room, hugged me and told me he was leaving. that was 2 hours ago. so i looked out the window and watched as he drove away. he never told me where he was going or what was going to happen. all he said was that mom was going to get what she wanted and that he was leaving.
i started crying my eyes out because i knew it meant divorce. after i watched him leave i ran out side, it didn't matter where i was going, i just ran. i ran and hid from my mom because soon after she was out there looking for me and calling and texting me.

why couldn't she leave.
why does everything have to go her way.

my heart hurts so much, it feel like someone is stabbing me in the chest with a butcher knife, it's breaking. it feels like i'm not alive anymore, i don't know what to do anymore.
i know it's for the best but i don't know what to do anymore or how to even handle this.

Hi dearheart --- Jeez I'm sorry this is happening. I know this is breaking your heart, but you said that you know this is for the best. Many times it IS for the best. I wish MY parents had gotten divorced.

My mom and dad fought all the time. And by that, I mean not just yelling & screaming, but they got into physical fights -- and that terrified us kids. We didn't know from one day to the next if our family was going to be intact or not. They were both alcoholics to boot. For some strange reason we always celebrated Christmas on Christmas eve -- and us kids had to wait until they closed the bars to celebrate Christmas. So we'd all be sitting up waiting til 2:30am for mom and Dad to come home -- and of course they were higher than a kite. Christmas was no fun -- and even all these years later, I don't like Christmas. I've had therapy for this and still it haunts me.

Parents staying together when they don't want to can cause horrible damage to the kids. So this might be the best thing to happen. Just make SURE that your Mom allows your Dad to see you whenever he wants to after the divorce!! It's important that you have BOTH parents. too often the kids suffer from the split, and it shouldn't be that way. This split is NOT your fault. It has nothing to do with YOU.

So make that clear to your Mom that you want to be able to see your Dad as much as possible! You have 2 parents and no one should get slighted. Best of luck dearheart and take care. Please keep posting if you need to. We'll listen. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Gentle hugs to you, cutbuddie.

Parental separations and/or divorces are ever easy on the kids. From I've seen in my personal life, the older the children are, when it occurs, the harder it is for the children to accept. Perhaps because all of their memories as a family are tied together?

As a divorced mother myself, I'd recommend that you try to keep an open mind with both parents. So many couples had major problems before they even had children, but thought that it was in their kid's best interests for them to stay together. All kinds of hypotheses on this issue ~ trust me! One thing is for sure though: both of your parents do love you. They may not always put you first, and think about what your reaction may be to ____, but they do want you to be happy. Healthy. And successful.

We are all human. We all make gazillion mistakes over the years. Many of us are relentless at trying to "fix those mistakes". The majority of which simply can't be erased. Instead, we have to learn to accept ourselves and our mistakes. Such a HUGE task!

I'm sorry that your parents were so dramatic about the news. It would have been more nice if they sat down with you, and worked as a team to reassure you of their love for you. Chances are, they didn't plan ahead, and emotions got in the way of logic.

Gentle hugs ~ best wishes!

thankyou guys. it is really hard on me, i'm not sure about my older sister.
it's weird not having my dad around. because i live on a farm i always think that he's outside feeding the cows or something but no, he left. he was always at home everyday and so was i. me and him go trough the same things and we've always had eachothers backs. we both suffer from PTSD, depression and insomnia. he always made me laugh even if i was angry. he understood whatever i was going through.
i miss him so much, even though it's only been a day. but i can't help but think of how sad he is and how he was crying when he hugged me goodbye.

my heart still aches every second.
i don't know the next time i'll be able to see him, or if this is serious.

i just really wish i could talk to someone about this. but i have no friends to talk to or shoulders to cry on.

it feels like my life is over. i have nothing to do, nothing to look forward to.
all i want to do is sleep and never wake up

Hi sweetie ~ anytime you feel like talking, just message me. I'll be happy to talk to you, ok? I know this hurts you. It always hurts the kids more than it does the parents.

I'll keep you in my prayers honey. Love, Lee

I am recently separated from my husband and I fear that my kids will have some resentment toward me. Try talking to your Mom if you can. I am sure she knows that it is hard on you. If you cant talk to her about it there are school coucellors that can help you get through. Hang in there

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm also sorry that your parents chose such a terrible way to tell you what is going on. I guess fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) my parents divorced when I was 6 so I wasn't entirely aware of what was going on. But my brother was 13 and my sister was 17 and looking back I think it affected my brother the most. He started running away, ditching school, getting in trouble etc...

Do you feel like you can talk to either of your parents about it? I understand if you can't. What you have to remember is that it has nothing to do with you. A lot of kids end up feeling like if they were different their parents would have stayed together which is not the truth. Obviously they have issues they can't work through and that should never be taken out on you.

Another question....do you feel like they have been happy together or have there been warning signs? If you have watched them be unhappy together for a long time, it's probably better that they don't keep that negativity around you. If my parents would have stayed together I would have many more issues than what I already have because they just fought all the time. At least then I didn't have to listen to them screaming at each other.

I hope you can find someone you trust to talk to. I'm sure you know others who have divorced parents that understand what you're going through (including many on this site). And any time you need anything, feel free to PM me. We're all here for you to listen and help in any way we can.

http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind...s/divorce.html

Hope this site can explain some of the things that come along with the pain of your parents divorcing and let you know that you are definitely not alone.