Please be sensitive, this is hard to say

My husband doesn't care if I say no.He just waits til' I'm asleep or dissociative. Which is why I have a sleep disorder...leading to dissociation...(stress triggers it)

I said ouch and pulled away, biting my lip to keep from crying out...he said, "did I hurt you?" and did not stop.....

me too, I think he triggers me on purpose sometimes so I'll just disappear and leave my body there for him

(((CSC))) That is most definitely rape. I am so sorry you are going through this.

If that the case, then I take back some of what I wrote before. I think he needs counseling. What would he say if you said "no sex unless you respect my boundaries"?

I'm wondering if seeing a partner in a bit of discomfort is appealing to 'some' men - I put some in quotations, to not include all men. Thinking it comes from that typical porn movie scenario where the guy is 'too much to handle' for that inexperienced partner'...trying not to be too graphic.

He needs to take this seriously. Someone should ask him "would he like his mother or sister to be treated like this"?

Nobody has the right to force you into doing anything you're not comfortable with.

Im no expert in relationships or anything, but I do know that you can be raped by someone that you have previously had consensual sex with. Anytime someone has sex with you against your will that is not okay. I'm glad that you're starting to realize the role that you play in the relationship pattern, even though that in NO WAY makes his actions okay. I hope you continue to try to find the strength to stand up for yourself. I know it will get stronger and stronger each time you practice keep trying.

Sometimes I wish it could go back, therapy changes me and creates new situations that I'm not quite equipped to deal with. Sometimes I want to live in a world where ignorance is bliss...and then I get angry at myself because that is not progress at all. I wish it wasn't so complicated; actually, I wish there was no such thing as sex. I understand most people receive physical/emotional pleasure from it - I don't ever see myself reaching that point... it is so hard to talk about this. I feel so exposed, I appreciate all the insightful responses

CSC in reply to your previous post b4 this last,mine does too.I hate to divulge much on that...its pretty intense/triggering info.You never 'have to' enjoy sex...that's ok to be that way.It isn't a requirement.But...I truly believe you could,if the other things between you and a partner were different.I think you are at a place where you need to be safely held,with no expectations.Maybe even only sat near to.You need healing.In essence,I wonder if it is only your experiences creating a wall and a reaction rather than the act being such a negative possibility.Here is a warm clean blanket to bundle in and snuggle away from your exposure.(((((It's ok.No one can see you CSC))))~W~

I agree wolfsong. It would help if your husband could view you as a delicate, fragile and beautiful flower - something to savor gently and with much care. If he were to do this each and EVERY time he approaches you for sex, consistently without further expectations, you might be able to build your trust back in him. Maybe you can reach an agreement that you won't leave him "hanging" (stopped in mid-action) as long as he's very careful not to hurt you.

Who knows how you'd react if you knew how much he treasured you and your sex life with him. It could possibly free your heart, mind, and body to surprise him with a little unexpected creativity - or take charge altogether, without him having to lift a finger. Still, you'd have to have complete trust in your partner - so he's got some homework to do too.

Kathy~W~