[Khayrah]

Me and my partner have beet together a year and half now and have a 6weeks old son. Everything whas goin ok we didn't have any big problems just the usual little arguements here and there. I love him from the bottom of my heart, Iv always done everything to pleas him and make him happy, wash and iron his clothes, cook everyday, make him breakfast in bed, clean the whole house, masage his feet after a long day at work I even cut his nails for him because he's not really good at it... Since I had our son he didn't help me out at all, I wake up to the baby every night to feed and change him, I bath him, I'm with him 24/7 and he's always out. When I tell him that I'm exhausted and I need help he looks after the baby for a few hours but that's it. Lately he's been acting very cold towards me, when I ask him what's wrong he tells me nothing, wen I wana hug and kiss him he tells me I'm like marry poppins... Yesterday night after he went to bed he recieved a text on his phone, I picked it up and read it. It wos from his ex wife saying something about how she wishes he would be there for her and her unborn baby. I felt devastated. I woke him up and asked him about it. He told me it whas a stupid mistake, that it never should have happend and that he is really sorry. When I asked when it happend he told me about a month ago... This means our son whas only 2 weeks old when he went out, cheated on me and got her pregnant. He whas appologizeing for hours and told me he don't want to lose me, that I'm the best thing in his life.I cried till the morning, tryna figure out why he done such an awfull thing to me after all this. 2 days after our son wos born whas my birthday and same as last year he didn't even bother getting me anything. I feel so unapreciated and now hurt aswell, I don't know if I can carry on with him anymore because of what he did. I feel like I'm goin insane.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I wish I had some words of advice. All I can say is that I'm thinking of you.

[Warrioress]

That's awful! I am so sorry you're going through this

[In_Doubt]

This is as sad a post as any. Why? Because you trusted him, and now who knows what will happen. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, just that he, for some reason, used your love for him to further his own selfish needs. Maybe it was a reaction to other stresses at work or whatever, but it seems like he avoided commitments to you and jollied himself.

I hope things work out for you. I don't know what else to say.Good luck.

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

i do not have anything nice to say about this man..he is not thoughtful,not loving,not caring,not appreciative,not respectful...he doesnt want to lose you because of how much you do for him..he is having his cake and eating it too...you deserve much better..it is hard to leave but it will be more painful to stay..the earlier you leave this relationship the easier it will be to heal...i wish you all the best and all the love you deserve..((hugs))

[lynn P.]

I agree with QUEEN OF WANDS. Since he shows he's inconsiderate in other ways besides this huge mistake, I think you should end it too.....then he'll have 2 women to pay child support to and no one to massage his feet.

I know the feeling of this kind of devastation and I know it hurts like hell. He's a very selfish man. You deserve man who can reciprocate the amount of caring you put into a relationship. Any man would love to have you as a partner. For him to cheat when you're at your weakest is very low. Whether you stay or go, it's going to be painful but at least if you go, the pain will end.

[turquoisesea]

I read this quickly the other day and didn't respond because i wasn't sure of what to say and was afraid it would come out wrong. Queen of Wands, I completely agree. I was just shocked that someone with a baby just arrived could cheat so soon - it goes beyond just cheating it's basic respect.

I'm not sure what you need to do now but whatever it is, you deserve respect, you deserve not to be cheated on, and you deserve to have that happen asap.

[ChipmunkGal]

He is selfish! I'm very sorry that you are having to deal with this. You are a gem and he is lucky to have you. No wonder he is crying and begging for forgiveness....you are making life so easy for him. He NEEDS to be doting over you like you are over him. Sorry if this isn't much help but just realize that YOU DIDNT CAUSE THIS so dont blame yourself. Just keep being a great mom for your little boy and hopefully he will come back around and come to his senses....or leave him (like the others suggested). Of course I know its easier said than done. I say this because I was in your shoes before (in a way). My son is now 14 and I'm married to someone else (we have our own set of issues trust me it sucks too) but the point is that I made it through with my son and my son is amazing <3 keep in mind no matter which men come in and out of your life and no matter what crummy things they do to you, you always have your son and as he gets older you will appreciate this more and more. The greatest joys of your life will be watching your son grow up. Especially the moment when he comes to you crying over girl problems of his own or says "Mom, you always know what to do please help me". Its the greatest moment of your life.

[Ardmore]

I'm sorry about what is happening to you, I think you should leave him.
To me it seems like he is using you, and doesn't appreciate the things you do for him, he doesn't deserve forgiveness, any man who cheats on his wife 2 weeks after his child was born is screwed up in the head.

He should be lucky to have you yet he does this to you, I think your child deserves better then a user for a father.

[constantdreamer]

Khayrah, I was in a very similar place as you're in. One day I was out for lunch with my children's father, his mom, his sister, our 3 kids (2 years, 1 year, and our 5 week old). From behind me, I heard "aren't you gonna say hi to your daughter and your girlfriend?" There was 2 women and a like a 6 month old baby behind me. We started couples therapy, and we decided to stay together. About 2 years later I realized that our kids were learning to disrespect people in part due to my letting their dad disrespect me... I had finally had enough a couple months later, and kicked him out. A year and a half ago, I contacted an agency that offers group therapy for victims of domestic abuse to help someone else... Not believing that I had been in an abusive relationship myself... They convinced me to check it out, I'm so glad I did. I have gained so much... confidence, validation, self worth, just so much is more positive in my life now... I still have a long way to go, but I'm glad I started there... I urge you to look into a program in your area like the one I was in... They never told any of us to leave our abusers, in fact I was one of the few that had left my abusive relationship... You could go to the group, even if you're not sure if you want to end the relationship or not... Good luck! I'm here if you need someone...

[gaia67]

I am so sorry.

[eskielover]

To start with, his lack of commitment came with out being willing to be married to you & just being a partner.....giving him the freedom to come & go as he pleased. So many people think that a piece of paper doesn't mean anything.....but when you get children involved & no divorce settlement to insure child support. Sometimes the choices we make that seem so innocent at the time have a great impact in the long run.

I honestly wouldn't have been able to give the way you did to him without a formal commitment on his part.....women are known for giving their hearts.....but not as often do we hear of men in the same position. It seems like he was definitely taking you for granted from the beginning & you were not processing the input that in reality existed in the relationship from the beginning.

I honestly think that you would be better off without this guy especially after getting his ex pregnant.....just shows how much he doesn't respect you or the relationship you were in with him....one sided relationships just don't work. If he really means what he says about it being a mistake & wanting to be with you, then he should be willing to get married & make the relationship into a responsible one on his part.....so that you can hold him to the responsibility of caring for the child that he was a part of bringing into this world.

Hope you can sort through all of this & bring in your logical mind along with your emotions.....to figure out the best of all possibilities for your child of top of everything else.