[fonseca1]

alright I'll just come right out with it: I'm bisexual. I came out when I was 14 and was happy. Now, I'm 21 and I am not sure how I feel about myself anymore...I know people have seen my posts about my boyfreind and his porn habits and how it bothers me but now I think it's having other effects on me. (porn itself, not just with my boyfreind)
Since I came out seven years ago, I cant even count how many closed-minded men thought it would be okay to ask if they could videotape me and another girl or "just watch" or ex boyfreinds wanting to have threesomes. Personally, regardless of my attraction to both sexes, I am a monogomous relationship type of person. If i am with a man, I am only with that man; If i am with a woman, I am only with that woman. no ifs, ands or buts about it. I dont share.
another problem I have had is that my ex boyfreinds who wanted threesomes also wanted me to watch porn with them while having sex. i gave in a couple of times and felt like i was just a sex object. because of these things as well as my current boyfreind watching porn behind my back, I feel ashamed to be attracted to women...
in a wierd way, I feel like if I dont want my man to look at other women, who am I to look at them? how does that make me any better than him? I cant control my sexual desires, but the idea of letting my man check out other women boils my blood and breaks my heart because i've already been cheated on, left for another woman and felt replaced by porn.
so whats wrong with me? I dont want to pretend like I am totally straight because I'm not, but I am so ashamed for doing things that i get mad at my boyfreind for doing. what do i do? how do I get past this?

[Leed]

Ok ~ you get upset with your BF if he looks at other women. So if you look at other women, you're asking if that's doing the same thing, correct?

Who cares if your bf looks as long as he doesn't TOUCH. Men are going to look until they're dead. LOL It's just the nature of the beast. We can't make them quit. It's just they don't have to be so OBVIOUS about it when they are with US. It's hurtful if they whistle or ogle while we're right there!! If they want to look out of the corner of their eye when WE aren't looking, ok. But don't stop and turn around and stare at her backside while walking with us.

The same with you -- you wouldn't do that while you were with your bf. You know it would hurt him. We've got more sense than they do most of the time. LOL There is nothing wrong with looking -- as long as you don't touch.

There's NOTHING wrong with you, dearheart. You are perfectly normal. So stop beating yourself up -- you're a healthy female. Don't worry about it. Hugs, Lee

[MissingMyOldSelf]

I can't offer too much insight, since I've never read your other posts (sorry!), but a lot of the times that I had an exboyfriend who wanted to act out a porn scene with me during intercourse was just because he felt like he was watching himself in a mirror (pffft!!!! John Holmes he was NOT!!!!!!!), and also, it was kind of like the sex was scripted, so we just followed along. Of course, this boyfriend also wanted me to have a 3some with a girl that I was just not in anyway attracted to.... so he always seemed to have a resentment about that, and it ended up ruining our relationship. Hence, why he's an ex.

Have you ever totally sat down with the person you're seeing and said, "hey, look.... you know I'm bisexual, but I'm with YOU, and I don't want to share you with another man or another woman because I'm with YOU." ?? That should put them on the right track as to whether or not they should keep trying to see if you'll participate in another threesome.

I'm a hot blooded female, and I fully admit to looking at other men. My husband will admit that he's looked at other women.... it's just a natural thing! You see an attractive person, and you think, "D@MN!" Like Leed said, You just wouldn't do that out of courtesy if you're with your significant other.

I hope things get better for you!

[shezbut]

((fonseca1))

I just wanted to sday that I strongly agree with MissingMyOldSelf's advice on standing up for what you believe in. If you feel uncomfortable and insulted with bf's ideas of threesomes, come straight out and tell him.

I can imagine how often men bring that idea up to you ~ I don't kinow a guy who isn't turned on by the thought of watching girls. It's understandable that bf's desires bug you. That would bug me too!

Have you noticed yourself going for the same type of man, whenever you do have a bf? We frequently go for "certain types" and stick to that pattern throughout life. It's possible that the type of man you're attracted to is a strong lust ~ rather than in the relationship for deeper emotional bonds. Something to think about anyway...

Gentle hugs to you!

I think what the men aren't getting is that your being bisexual means that you are attracted to both sexes, not that you want to have sex with both sexes together!

As far as the porn goes...I'm a little older than you (ok 2x your age) so i'm just going to tell you flat out, men watch porn....they just do. they like to look. It's got nothing to do with not liking you, not being attracted to you - it's just a thing guys do....it doesn't make them want to cheat (most of the time) i think it just allows them to get out some fantasies....it's really harmless unless it starts to interfere with daily activity. i'd rather have my husband watch porn than out at a bar where real women could be hitting on him - not that I don't trust him, but the women in porn are fake and actresses - nothing to worry about in my mind anyway.

[salukigirl]

I have found that a lot of ignorant people assume anyone other than heterosexuals are just sex fiends. Like when a guy tells another guy he is gay and the straight guy thinks he is hitting on him. Never fails. It's just ignorance, really. Sounds like maybe you need to find someone a little more accepting.

I understand that my bf looks at magazines and what not. I used to care but not really anymore. He actually said he has basically quit watching porn because watching it makes him want ME. And if I'm away at a conference or whatever, he can't have me so he doesn't even want to think about sex. I guess that makes sense. If a guy hits on me, sure it makes me feel good, but I take that good energy home to him. Does that make sense?

[fonseca1]

Thank you all for your advice. I guess because of the past pain and betrayal, it's hard for me to accept my bf watching porn or looking at other women and it makes it even harder for me to get over my insecurities. I don't want to worry or be suspicious anymore; I want to be happy and relaxed and not trip off stupid things...I just don't know how