Scared about my relationship

I am worried. I have been confused lately. About my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him. But I have been questioning whether or not I really do love him lately.

I told him all my feelings last night and he is OK w/ it, he still wants to be w/ me. But he also said "I can't keep doing this for much longer" or something along those lines. Because there have been times before when I was unsure as well.

I think it really does take a toll on him and this makes me feel horrible and guilty and just sad.

Right now I want to be with him. Last night I wanted to be with him too. I didn't want to leave him. But I felt I should tell him "where I was" in the relationship. We have been together 1 year and 7 months.

Sometimes I feel like my depression and anxiety get in the way of relationships. Somertimes I feel I am influenced by the media. Sometimes I really do qustion whether he is the right person for me. Because we are not interested in the same things. And I get nervous around his friends and sometimes family.


I just wish I would stop doing this to him. It really bothers me right now. I feel like I am messing up his life.

I really would like to hear some responses, just please, do not be harsh, don't think I can take it. Thanks.

I know sometimes my depression speaks instead of me. This can get me into a lot of hot to warm water. Anxiety does the same. Heart to heart talks are better left when you are more stable. You may be feeling and saying something that is not accurate. Time and stability will help you understand the feelings more and keep you out of hot water with the boyfriend. Sometimes those feelings go away, change, and it leaves the other party confused and then they withdraw. Darn our depression anyway!!!

Do you see and talk to a counselor or anyone about your depression and anxiety. Often that can help us both feel better and not have as much difficulty in our relationships.

Thanks you guys. I'm seeing my doctor and therapist in the same week (this week) so I will get to talk to someone.

Sometimes I a not sure about talking about this kind of stuff with my therapist. I am afraid she will make me feel like I should leave because I've felt this way before. And I don't want to leave.

But I have some friends I can talk to as well as my doctor.

Your therapist shouldn't be talking you into anything. Usually what they do is make sure that you understand that what you say and do influences things, and helps you clarify those things that plague you into making a decision about what you really want.

It's not easy, but that's what they should be doing.

The question is - are you OK with you? What makes you have so much doubt? Have you been hurt? Are you ready to expose that hurt in order to give yourself some closure?

I hope things work out for you.

"[You] don't want to leave." Surely that implies something to do with your feelings?
What is it that makes you want to stay with him?
If you haven't done so already, tell him that you don't want to leave, but that you want to make sure you're staying with him for the right reasons. It might help him to know that much at least.

Going through a similar situation at the moment, so that's as much as i've got. Hope it helps though, and PM if you want to talk
J x

Livetofight, I think I would just be really sad and miss him if I left. I think I would also feel bad for him.

LookingForCalm, I talked to my therapist and it was fine. She explained to me that there are times when she sees I "Feel bad" in the relationship, and people shouldn't feel bad in their relationships. When I see her again, I am going to talk to her more about this.

I made a list of things I don't like and things I do like about my boyfriend. At this moment, it really feels like the bad stuff is winning.

He is a good person. He doesn't mistreat me. He loves me.
But I often find myself irritated with him. Or stifled by him (his personality is huge), like people don't see me but they see him. There are just sooo many things lol. He r uins songs for me on the radio if he doesn't like it, I can't enjoy it either. I don't care for his friends. They bore me. I am anxious around his family, I know, that's a social anxiety thing.

I don't feel like he really sees me sometimes, even though he loves me. He talks loudly in public and it embarrasses me, we have different communication styles and it bothers me.

And another thing, there are things about him that bother me but really I do not seem to bother him.

I told my therapist I need more time. As in, I need more time to let it all play out.

also just wanna add that my therapist is cool with what I choose and when I saw her she didn't pressure me either way, she was neutral.

Hi, I went through the same thing this pass couple of months. I felt very confused about my relationship and unfortunably I ended up breaking up with him because I felt it was not fair for either of us to be on the limbo.
For 1 year and 3 months I dated this wonderfully normal guy that treated me alright but something was indeed missing. I wonder if all this anxiety and doubts are a matter of your depression or your relationship... I'll explain. When I started doubting my relationship I didn't tell him bc I thought it was due to my depression coming back... but it turned out that it was my relationship that was making me nervous and making my depression worse because as I broke up with him I felt a bit of relieve... I actually felt free as if I had taken my anti-d pill. I'm devastated about our break up but the truth is I know I did the right thing.
What I mean with this is that I think you should find some where to go to and think about it all, relax and think if there's anything in your relationship that is lacking or missing... if there's indeed something to worry about or not... and if it's the pression of your relationship that is causing your doubts or if it's the depression...

About letting it play... if I'm not mistaken you have already felt this way before in your relationship? I can only tell you what others told me and what I did when I was the one doubting. I doubted several times in my relationship... my friends and some of great people here at PC told me that I must be true to myself and my feelings and if I had already let it roll in the past and the doubts always came back I should really see if it was something lacking in it and if we could work it out, because if I thought the doubts would never go away I should think hard about me and my feelings and the relationship.

Hope it helped somehow....
Best of luck!!!
If you need to talk PM me =)

Ah.. there's something my mom told me that helped me decide what was best for me and him.. I remembered it when I saw this " I talked to my therapist and it was fine. She explained to me that there are times when she sees I "Feel bad" in the relationship, and people shouldn't feel bad in their relationships. When I see her again, I am going to talk to her more about this."
My mom says that when in a relationship, especially when in a so recent one, as I had (1 yrs and 3 months), one must feel 99,9% of the time happy and fairy tale happy, because if we do not then we never will. I know it sounds very extreme but I admit that I start to see what she meant. If it makes you feel bad, even if he's almost perfect, maybe you should think if you should stay.
Maybe it's your depression talking, maybe not...
Maybe there're some issues between you two that make you doubt?

Hope it works out for the best!!
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