[dogbliss]

I feel anxious and scared. There is no one I can talk to about this, so I went on line and found this forum.
I have had a dear friend for 17 years. Initially we were a couple but after 3 years broke it off and have remained dear friends ever since. We own a home together and share dogs. I live downstairs he lives up stairs. So there is some history...
On monday afete we celebrated his 60th b-day, he decided that from now on he wants nothing from me. He was mad because I spent money on him and his family on his birthday. (he asked me not to, I got swept up in making his family happy), He would have preferred I help with the house or Pay down our second, or help with a myriad of things he says he always needs help with. In his mind I never pull my weight. So from this point forward, he will pay for everything, wants no money from me for the house, for the second, even for my own car insurance, and will not discuss anything with me that relates to us being "partners".

I believe there are things I do to pull my weight, but they are not the things he believes are important. I am devestated.. How do Ilive with some one who is done with me? He says we can be "friends", but he will never trust me or depend on me again. He says to me not to buy him food, feed him, give him money for anything. If it weren't for our dogs we would be having no contact at all right now.

My biggest dilemma is I am a single woman and this home that I own part of is my retirement. (it is worth a lot. of money ) Leaving is not an option right now. And by the way he still wants me to be part owner of the house he will just refuse any money to fix it up or to pay down our second. I am still unclear about the mortage.
I needed a place to vent. I do not see how anyone could possibly solve this for me, but a place to get it out helps. At the moment he can not stand the sight of me, but in time he says the anger will pass, but that he is done. I know I have choices and free will. I am not a weak woman but this has come out of left field and I was totally unprepared for it. The day before this all went down he bought me flowers thanking him for his birthday. I have culpability but man, I never saw this coming. Thanks for listening

[SpazKatt]

hmm... sounds like something fishy is going on with him, it seems that you have done nothing wrong and he is being rude an unappreciative of you. I would possibly try to get a 3rd party involved so you can get the important financial issues settled since that is definitely something that needs to be discussed. I also would think about going to a therapist sometimes it helps to get a different perspective on things. *hugs* and good luck!

[dogbliss]

Thank you so much for your feedback. By the way we are therapists. I doubt (at least right)now) that he would agree to that. I know I can use that as an option later on. He really feels like whenever he asks things of me I am always resentful and I make a face. I know that at time I get irratated, but I also know that I am not angry and resentful every time. I feel so helpless.. Thank you so for your kind words. The support is nice.

[BlueFaith]

I can understand being upset and worried about the relationship between you and your friend. But you said the part of the house you own is your retirement. I completely agree with SpazKatt... I'd definitely call a lawyer or something to work out the financial issues. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this... it does seem odd for him to just shut you out like this for no apparent reason. Maybe something else is really going on with him that you just don't know about. and maybe the two of you could even talk about the whole thing AFTER his anger passes. Hope the best for the both of you! Take Care.

[Lou_Pilder]

dogbliss,
You wrote,[...we own a home together... he wants no money...will not discuss...being partners....leaving is not an option....unclear about the mortgage...how anyone could ..solve this for me....].
I could offer you support from my perspective as I have much experiance in what you are describing. if you would like for me to offer you support, could you clarify the following?
A. Is the mortgage in "tenants in common"?
1. call the mortgage company and they will give you all the infomation about the mortgage.
2. call the recorder's office at the court house in your city and ask for a copy of the deed. You can go there and pay a few dollars for a copy or they can fax it to you with a consent letter from you.
3. See how the deed is recorded.
B. After you know the above, you can be advised of your rights by an attorny concerning the house that you both own.
Lou

[kimmydawn]

hi dogbliss and welcome to PC! You've come to a great place for support and understanding.

This sounds a whole lot deeper than his birthday issue to me. It truly does. Usually when hubby of 18 yrs flips out and throws me for a loop, it later comes out what the REAL issue is. It's usually something that I've been doing that's upset him and neglected his feelings about for quite some time. Could something like that be going on? For instance, his requests of you haven't been seen by you as being as important as they are to him and he reaching "that point"?

I think the really important thing is trying to repair such an important and special freindship if it's at all possible.

If I found there was no chance for repair, I would certainly consult an attorney for, at the least, advice.

I wish you more than well and hope you keep us updated.

KD

[SilkySpeed7]

IF you have been friends for this long and too such a degree, I am sure it will blow over. You are like family.....Good luck. Stay strong. Some times the ones we love can be extreemly stubborn which makes it harder not to give up. But we can't give up because we love them!

[SpazKatt]

I really don't think it is you, hopefully he will see how foolish he is being and come around.

[dogbliss]

Thank you all for the support Really! Lou thanks for the real estate info. I believe we are in joint tenancy and not tenants in common. I was on title first. He came on later and if i recall that iaswhat we set up. I will defintely look into your suggestions. And KimmyDawn, I think you hit som of the issues on the head. I do believe he thinks I do not see him or know him. And that he is so tired of my insensitvity. For me, I am able to hear him, but the pain of sitting with it, is so hard.

Because I am a therapist guilt and shame come up. Like , how could I have let this go so far. However, I pair that thought with, It is not all me. He is really traumatized over something that I have very little control in helping him "fix".

Again. You folks are sweet. I intend to hang around awhile and get to know you. Thanks! <font color="#008800"> </font>

[Lou_Pilder]

dogbliss,
You wrote,[...Lou thanks for the info...]
It is not often that one thanks me for info. Thanks for the thanks!.
You wrote,[...I will ..look into your suggestions...].
I just talked with my partner last night, who is an attorney, and he has a case now involving matters that are similar to yours. There is case law concerning your situation depending on the state that the house is in. If you would like for me to cite the cases involving your situation, you can PM me since this discussion could be unique to us only.
Lou

DB, I PMed you with some helpful info. xoxox pat