phone vs husband

Ok.. so I have been talking to this man on the phone since January. I live in Idaho and he lives in Virginia. I am a married woman with an 11 year old son. I am so falling in love with this man, I did know him when I was growing up and reconnected with him 20 years later. We are always on the phone all hours of the day and night. We get along so good and have a very nice time talking and laughing. I am so unhappy with my husband of 20 years, like we have nothing in common anymore. My husband has figured it out that I am talking to someone an is now trying to show me that he loves me, but I feel that it is too late.
I haven't met up with this guy in Virginia yet but am very eager to. I am just afraid to do so, as my husband may take my son from me..

What do I do????

Right now, you're experiencing the "high" of the new relationship -- the fireworks and the newness of the "love affair." But believe me, it WILL wear off and you will be filled with guilt and remorse once you start thinking about what you've done and what you've thrown away. If you do meet this man and take the risk of losing your son, then you'd better be prepared for the result. It WILL end in great sadness -- it's very possible you'll lose your son, and this "affair" may not end up the way you want it. Then you will have lost everything.

And how are you so sure this man wants to "marry you?" Maybe he just wants to have a good time for awhile, and that's it. Just because he tells you some stuff over the phone doesn't mean a darn thing. He's safe that way. If you gave everything up and went flying to his side -- it could be something all together different. If you took your son with you, who's to say he would accept your boy? What kind of life would it be for your son without his dad? He'd be miserable, and he would probably resent you for splitting up the home.

You'd better think long and hard before you do anything like this. It comes with alot of repercusions. Take care. Hugs, Lee

Yes I agree with Leed. How were things with your hubby before you started talking to this other man?? Have you both attempted to get counseling to improve your marriage? You need to think carefully as Leed said, whether you want to be in this marriage or not and don't get involved(even emotionally) with this other man. The only way this has a chance of working for the other guy, is if you have a clean legal break from your husband, but you should to give it your all first.

You can't make a logical decision of whether your marriage is salvagable or not when you're emotionally connected to the man in Virginia - you're also disconnecting your husband, the more you connect with the other man. You also need to consider the morals here - this other man is helping you cheat emotionally -what does that say about him and might he do this to you later on? I also agree with everything Leed said about the realities of a long distance relationship and the fact that you really don't know what real life is with this man. Is he also in a relationship ATM?? Give your marriage the best chance possible and in order to do this you can't have interference from the other man. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot? Please know I'm not trying to sound harsh, just trying to help you make a wise decision.

Your title for this thread is dishonest... you say "phone vs husband", and I expected that it would be a story about how you talked too much to your girlfriends or your family on the phone, and that it annoyed your husband.

The fact is, it's not phone versus husband, it's "other man versus husband." You say your husband is trying to show you how much he loves you, but it's "too little"...do you realise how lucky you are that he's trying to show you love? A lot of men in his position would be laying down the law and yelling their heads off. Already your husband is coming out of this looking not just like the innocent and injured party, but also as the kind hearted husband who is willing to forgive. How rare is that?

I really would think twice about getting together with a man who has little moral sense (he's carrying on a phone affair with a woman he knows to be married) when you could be with a man who loves and is willing to forgive. Who do you think is a better role model as a father? A would be adulterer, or the man you married... who, presumably, at the time you loved.

You need to go into counselling, and give up the idea that a frankly seedy affair would give you happiness.

I know marriages do end, but i think you need to finish what you've started before you start a new relationship.

you are having an emotional affair with this man on the phone, which is sometimes the worst kind of cheating. When you are sharing your innermost thoughts, hopes and dreams with someone other than your spouse....

You obviously did this because of the issues you have with your husband....but you need to fix what you have before you start something new...

Like Lee said, you are in the honeymoon stage. Everything is great when you are a voice on the phone.
when you live together and have responsibilities and bills and real life involved, it's not all fun and romantic anymore....not even for the happiest of couples...

Do you love your husband?
Do you want to fix your family?
Do you want to lose your son?
You and your husband must have had things in common in the past, right? Have you both really changed that much? Is he abusive to you?

20 years is a LONG time to waste. It's most of my lifetime in fact.

There must have been something there at first which made you GET MARRIED and live together for 2 decades. And that something deserves the respect of being addressed and considered before you jump into something with another man.

Sure, men get sloppy and relationships cool over time. But your husband is making an EFFORT to show you he does care. Get a counsellor before you fk things up royally.

For starters, you might recognize that you and your husband have something very important in common: you are a family. A lot of people are great on the phone, or through email or private messages on a computer. But you made a commitment to your husband and he made one to you and it is so important that it deserves all the energy you are putting into these phones to be re-directed back to fixing your family. I think it you try that, in time you will be surprised and pleased at how much better your life is.

Boiseblue, I am the wife of 20 years and my husband is the one in your position. I can't get him to open up to me anymore and I am trying really hard to be a good and loving wife. He had an emmotional affair via facebook, texts, and phone last summer, and I was able to forgive him, but I just can't seen to get through the wall he has built up around himself.... You realy need to open your heart to him and try to fall in love with him again. You have given so much of your life over to him....don't let someone you don't even really KNOW replace someone that I assume was your everything.

I want to begin couseling with my husband, but he is so closed off he won't at this time and I feel so rejected. I love him and I want him to be open to falling in love with me again....

Please consider the long term and what could be if you will let it!?!?!

I too talked to a man on the phone & internet. I thought he was IT and nothing else mattered to me.I was going through a divorce at the time. THIS MAN became my best friend during our talks and I mean lonnnnnnnnnng talks. I thought I knew everything about him...So I gave up everything & moved to be with this wonderful ,loving,caring,patient, will give me the world Man...after being with him for a very short short time I realized it wasn't what I thought it would be nor was he.by this time it was to late to go back home and I am now paying for it..I would think long and hard about what you are doing because once you make the decision you might not get anything back and it will be very painful..I hope you take some time to really think about it...the phone is alot easier than in REAL LIFE....good luck!