Unresolved Issues

Me and my bf have been repeatedly fighting over the same thing throughout the past few months...my sexuality. He has a problem with it, I don't. I am secure in my sexuality and he thinks it's an abomination. I am bisexual and he has a really big problem with it.

How can I be with someone who thinks part of me is an abomination? He keeps saying as long as I don't bring it up or as long as it's "hidden" from his view he doesn't care. So where does that leave me? I feel so imprisoned right now. Like I cannot ever be myself...I cannot say how beautiful a woman is...I have to keep all my desires to myself...even if they overpower me. He is a very religious man...you know the thinking behind that regarding lesbians and gays. This really bothers me...A LOT! I am, of course, a very open-minded individual that would rather die than be subjected to that kind of thinking. What should I do? He wants to marry me, but I tell him he only loves me conditionally...not unconditionally. I tell him he only wants the part of me that he approves of. He gets very angry when I say this, but it is the truth.

Any suggestions or advice?

Lex, I'm sorry, but this sounds like the wrong match for you.
Seeker

I'm sorry Lexi... as much as it may hurt, I think you need to find someone else *Hugs*.

I'm beginning to think the very same thing, even though we love each other. I can't bear to be alone right now, though. For one thing I cannot financially afford it...and another...the loneliness is unbearable for me...but for now it will be my sacrifice....but not for ever.

i have been on both sides of "conditional" love relationships--my mother being the queen of it--and they aren't good for anybody. short-term misery will lead you to long-term happiness, i'm sure of it. good luck.

candy

((((((((((((((((((Lex)))))))))))))))))

I have to say that I do agree that it does not seem that he is a good match for you.
You should be free to be you. Your sexuality should not have to be hidden nor should you be made to feel shame for it either. You are who you are and that is what makes us all wonderful individuals.

Please feel free to PM if you ever need to talk. OK?

Thinking of you.


Huggles,


Jen

{{{{Lex}}}}

I'm bi, too, and lucky enough to have found a husband who is willing to share me. We had some jealousy issues, and we worked through them - he is secure enough in our relationship to know that I'm not going to leave him - my female partners have to be willing to share, too, and I go into relationships w/all parties being aware of all the conditions - there are no head games or manipulation, no 'cheating', in other words.

Honesty and communication are very important in any relationship, and at least your boyfriend is being honest that he doesn't feel comfortable with the 'other side' of your sexuality. But trying to suppress something that is natural for you just to please him will most likely cause only misery for you in the future. And if he feels you will 'give in' to him on something as important as your sexuality, think about the future disagreements that will inevitably arise - career vs. homemaker, disciplining children, financial decisions, etc. Are you always going to be willing to compromise your own desires for his?

"Are you always going to be willing to compromise your own desires for his? "

Don't most of us do this in relationships when we commit to monogomy? Straight or bi or gay, lots of us compromise of that issue. Plenty of us would like to have a lover on the side...or two...or three. But we try not to reach out for that so we can maintain our relationship. It's GREAT that you found someone who will accomodate your desires, and I'm glad it's working for you.

But, I'm bi and have spent life in completely monogomous relationships. I really don't want people to think that just because a person is bi, they can't be faithful to one person. They can, and I'd wager we are just as loyal to our partners are straight folks are.

Just needed to offer another perspective!

em

First, I agree with the others, he isn't the right guy for you.

I also want to let you know, I'm also "stuck" in a relationship. Finances is the biggest reason, for me, too, although OCD plays into it a lot. Anyway, I know how that feels.

My boyfriend hasn't had sex with me in about six and a half years. I have issues with sex--vaginal pain--but I still want to have sex (my latest diagnosis--one of many--is simply that I need to be stretched; which is odd to me, considering I had sex for about six years before this drought), and I want to be desired.

I am heterosexual, but I have a sexual curiosity to experience sex with a woman. I couldn't love a woman the way I could love a man, and I have no desire to be in a relationship with a woman, but it's just sexual.

I'm on an erotica writers list, and bisexuality has come up from time to time. Em, you're right, you can be bisexual and commit to just one person. A lot of people don't understand that. But if your romantic partners don't respect you, it doesn't matter if you have one or one hundred of them.

I'm also offering my support; you can email me anytime you need to.

Yo Lex, major bummer. I with the gang on this one. You deserve uncondiional love. I have a friend who's bi and in a 40 year marriage with a man I call "the Saint". She's a scorpio and needs "extras". She absolutley adores her husband and would no more leave him that leave the planet. He apparently trusts that enough to live with it......

Her biggest problem is finding women who will share her with her husband....... as they will always be "#2" and most of us want to be #1 with the person we love....... She has "friends with extras" or whatever they call it these days, to get her through dry spells....

Theoretically we're all born bi. Personally, I've let go of trying for intimate relationships and just pet bunnies..... calmest 8 years of my life....... I can't imagine having to deal with a sex drive at this point..... I wish you well.

Ya know...when a guy says to me, "I don't mind if you have sex with a female" the next sentance is usually...."just don't screw around with a guy!". That's when I tell him to shove off. It means that he has no respect for the emotional bond between women. He has no respect for relationship development between women. The only thing threatens him is a man. To me, that's disrespectful of all the women I've ever loved.

Dismounting from my soap box now.

emmy