My husband threatened to have me committed

My life literally feels like Im teetering on the precipice atop a ginormous mountain of *****. Either direction I fall, it will be a long dirty roll to the bottom.

My husband and I were arguing again today about my failures as a mother and wife. I suggested instead of me being the stay at home parent that we either both work and share all the responsibilities equally or that he be the one to stay at home with the kids and I get a full time job. This suggestion made him furious. The argument got so heated, I couldn't help it and broke down crying. He even pulled the religion card and tried making me feel like less of a Christian for wanting to work outside of the home!

I told him I sometimes think about running away and leaving him and the kids. I was just being honest. I feel like they would be better off without the utter chaos I bring into the house. My hope was that he would see how desperately I need... something else, something different... something more. I for sure thought his reaction would have been sympathetic and that he would realize and respect the significance of my difficulties. In stead, he stood up and while looking down at me he said "if you even try it, I will have you committed"! I was so shocked. I couldn't even respond. That was about two hours ago and since then he has been completely ignoring me. He's acting like Im not even in the room!

So, what if I do leave, could he have me committed to a psychiatric hospital? On what grounds can another person do that to someone?

Help, please... Advice? Suggestions? Hugs?

Thanks in advance.

Soul broken,
Blue

maybe I put this thread in the wrong forum oh well, if it needs to be moved then thats fine...

All you are asking for is to have your OWN life. He sounds extremely abusive. You didn't describe the "chaos" you bring into the household at all. Maybe you start the fights, but it doesn't sound like you do. It sounds like you're sick of being treated like the personal slave of the household & want a partnership, not a slave & master situation. It's the 2000's, girl. You don't have to clean up after everyone.

The Bible card is a dirty card to play. Yes, your vows were to honour thy husband, but his were to honour his wife. Yelling at you for wanting to share equal responsibilities, & telling you that God says it's the woman's job to do all of the cooking & cleaning is just plain ignorance. He's bullying you. You DON'T have to put up with it, & don't think it's not affecting your children.

You should sit down & tell him how you feel. If he cares, he will listen to you & help work out a solution WITH you. That's what marriage is SUPPOSED to be, a PARTNERSHIP, not a slave contract. There are men out there who will treat you & your children the way you DESERVE to be treated, & men can only abuse you as long as you choose to ALLOW them to. Some men think they own you like something they bought at the store, but they DON'T. As women, we too often tend to do the one thing we should NEVER do- allow others to take away our sense of self-worth.

Whatever you choose, just know that being a woman is a strong & powerful thing, & hundreds of women DIED so that we as modern women may have equal RIGHTS as according to the LAW. It is YOUR life. It is YOUR choice. He can only choose his reaction. One last thing I would like to say is NEVER to let a man hit you because if he hits you even ONCE & you stay in the relationship, he will do it again. The more times he hits you & you stay, the more often & the harder he will hit you, & any man who hits his wife will not stop hitting his wife until one of three things happens: 1) he beats her to death, 2) he dies, or 3) she leaves & does what she can legally to protect herself.

In regards to whether or not he can have you committed, I'm not sure whether a married spouse can or not, but I doubt they would keep you very long if he did. He sounds like the one with mental problems. He sounds like the one who's bipolar.

If you do decide to leave him, just know that you have my utmost respect & support as another woman.

Depending on where you are, if you are an immediate threat to yourself or others, he can call the police to have you evaluated, but he can't commit you. It is hard to be a full time mother. I think some have a hard time understanding that. At work you get a break and sometimes a lunch - time for yourself. At home there is always someone who needs attention, another load of laundry to be done, dishes to wash, etc.
Can I ask why you feel like a failure as a wife/mother? I'm sorry your husband is being so unsupportive. That is the last thing you need right now. Are you getting professional help? Do you have any time just for you?

If you are constantly just giving and not getting anything back, you run out of strength rather quickly. No matter how much we try to believe the we have an endless supply of strength, mothers need to re-charge their batteries too.

Hang in there and keep us posted!

Oh, thank God he can not "commit me". What a jerk for even threatening me with that! Grrrr... I am sooo mad that he tried to intimidate me that way!

I struggle with all of the common things that you hear some stay-at-home moms complain about; like laundry, cooking, cleaning, keeping up on helping the kids with their home work, not enough adult interaction, things like that. Those things can be hard to stay on top of for just about anyone, right? But, I have moderate to sever ADHD and just recently got diagnosed with BP2, not to mention subclinical OCD tendencies.... I just simply feel like I could do so much more for my family if I were to pursue my career goals, ya know?

I've been a homemaker for the last 10 years with little to no improvements or successes... I know I sound like Im being hard on my self and I recognize how my mood is affecting my wording but also, it just seems so much more effective to do what Im good at doing. I do not want to waste time trying to be a good homemaker when I know I never will be...

Yeah, I guess I should re-address both of these ^ suggestions. I know that Im on the downward slide of some recent hypomania, its just that I don't really have faith that professional help will really help, at least not to the degree I need.

Any way, thank you for responding! I am going to get some "ME" time. Your right it is a tough job, huh?..... *sigh*

Man, I wish my husband would learn more about my diagnoses. I think if he understood that I can't just "try harder" then he might be more understanding...

@ CupcakeQueen

I didn't say that he hit me, did I? No, he has never actually hit me... But, I get your point. He has been abusive in other ways, for sure.

See, the sad thing is that I realize when I married him I was looking for that type of thing! I wanted to still be a kid and "play house"... well I picked the kind of man that would allow me to do that, to still be a girl.

Its just with in the last few years after researching ADHD on the internet, going to therapy briefly, and frankly, just finally growing up that I realize this life is not for me.

*** huge sigh ***

and now my poor judgement in the past has affected so many lives other than my own... Don't get me wrong though, overall he is a good guy. I do still love him but, omg, I really need to find the right outlet for all of this potential I know I have....

Can he commit me?

where I live, one person cannot 'commit' another person either although they can get them admitted for an evaluation

to work or not to work?

I personally know 2 women with schizophenia. they and their husbands switched places. The women work and the men stay at home. In one case, the woman is a professional and her husband was an electrician. He is actually happy looking after the kids and has no more stress because she is not doing what he wants and how he wants it. And she earns a good salary. The second case, she works for the government in the post office (again good pay) and he is a brick layer who wants to be a writer. He loves the time to write and doesn't mind being the house husband.
Both the woman feel better. they find it easier to handle a 'job' as opposed the 'house' and primary caregiver of the kids.

roses

Does he tell you that you are supposed to obey him because you said so in your marriage vows? I heard that all the time when I was married and I would never vow to obey anyone again.

No wonder you are unhappy and want change. He is not supportive and raising children is a huge task. Do you have a therapist?

http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/wheel.htm

Well i think he was out of line to get that upset and to try to make u upset. I do understand that he would be upset with you for telling him that you think about leaving him and the kids. Its a scary thought, to loose his best friend and the thought of how the kids would take it. I understand why but he really needed to hear you out. You really need to talk to him about what you guys where talking about, when hes calm. Wish you the best of luck!!!

For sure! Thanks!

BTW - I work full-time on the third shift and take care of my kids during the day. So in a way I am a stay home mother - I understand the endless tasks and demands for attention. I also understand feeling like what I do is not good enough at home, there is always something left that needs to be taken care of! I just try to remind myself that I am doing the best I can with what I have. I have a hard time fitting in "me time" too. It seems like there are not enough hours in the day....therapy has really helped. Although I'm not where I want to be, one hour a week is just for me and even that tiny bit helps! Stay strong and take care of yourself!

Have you thought about printing off information about your diagnoses for you husband? Maybe it would give him a better understanding of exactly what is going on with you and how you need his support now more than ever....

What about getting a part time job where you're working something like 20-30 hours a week? They actually say working can help the prognosis for someone with a MI.

You could try to work during the days when the kids are at school. If they are too young, I am sure there are other options.
Best of luck. <333

so sorry for the conflicts you are going through in your marriage. it sounds like you believe the love is there, but as you describe the argument, you don't have good couple communication tools. each of you make drastic statements that ramps up the anxiety and anger between you. it sounds so painful.

it sounds like you need to feel more empowered and less helpless. (btw, involuntary hospitalization is currently reserved for people who are imminently suicidal or homicidal. it is hard for doctors to get patients in the hospital, much less other family members. and 3 days is max you have to stay in. people as functional as you clearly are don't get "committed" anymore.)

you say you want him to take your seriously, hear you, and understand your condition. i have a thought--you go first. start discussing these goals with a therapist, just by yourself, and with him later if you can. take your own feelings seriously, be really heard by a professional, learn more about your own condition, and then you will likely find your communication becomes more self controlled. you gain self respect and your husband sees your maturity over time and you both could maybe approach each other from love rather than misunderstanding.

oh, and by the way the National Alliance for Mental Illness is a great FREE resource for helping you learn to cope and him to understand better. there are groups in all states and most counties. best to you!