Every Little Thing

My bf is really getting on my nerves...we fight all the time. Well, actually it's about every 2 weeks, more or less...and we're like clockwork. I hate the fighting...and I've decided not to fight anymore...if he wants to leave I'll just show him where the door is.

I wish we could fight about different things, though. It's always the same subject...and now I'm becoming so annoyed by him even being here that it drives me crazy. He's always saying sarcastically, "whatever" and it really drives me up a wall. I get very moody...well, who wouldn't?

Then tonight we were having sex and I remember sitting there thinking I wish I were somewhere else...with someone else...and not doing what I was doing. I felt pressured into having sex, but didn't want to refuse because I don't want to get raped anymore. (No, my bf has never done this to me, but I figure it's better to be safe than sorry.) You never really know what goes on in a guy's head anymore...

And I was talking to one of my t's at partial and he asked me if I had ever entered a man into any of my lesbian relationships...I just about died! I never wanted a man in my relationships then...I didn't want any part of them. The thought seemed like an insult to the relationship. But here I am in a relationship with a guy and all I want to do is introduce another woman into the picture. I'm starting to think that maybe I shouldn't be with guys anymore. They're attractive to a point--the point being as long as they're wearing clothes...I don't like the rest. But with a woman everything is attractive for me.

OK, enough of my relationship rambling...I just need some answers and can't seem to come up with the right ones myself. I know I should leave my bf and live on my own for awhile and experience life, but that's what I fear the most....

Face the fear and do it anyway. This relationship does NOT sound like it's right for you.

Lex, you already know what you need to do. LMo, hit the nail on the head.

I know I'm having a lot of trouble getting up the nerve to break up with him and everything, but I really am trying. I don't want people to think I'm not. I'm just no good at this kind of thing. I'm just so desperately terrified to do it. I know this month would be a really bad month to do it. I think the next fight between us may do it. I really do. That'll be in about a week or so, though. Yup, it happens like clockwork. I don't know why...

He keeps going on and on...jokingly...saying no one loves him but his mom and dad, but I really want to tell him yeah, I know. And everytime he jokingly says he's on the couch for the next month, I tell him fine...I really wish he would just leave sometimes. He kisses me and all that crap...I feel like puking when he does it, too, lately...I just don't want him, but need the money right now...at least this month when all my bills are way over my income limit...ugh...

Lexicon, I hope you can get up the courage to break up with him. It's unethical to use him for the money. Find a roommate -- you're not being fair to yourself or to him by letting him hang on.