[danii24]

I can't gt close to people. i have 3 close friends but i can't let other people in i don't feel safe. i always feel like im going to get hurt.

I don't do relationships either or rather i can't. I cant get close to fellas. i would love to have a boyfriend and do all that stuff but i find it terrifying. i think that if they no me they wouldnt want me. i feel so low about myself i don't think i could handle being rejected.To get close to a man i have to have a drnk or i cant.

Even my relationship with my family is strained. i fear im pushing every1 away but they'll leave me evenntually any way.

[Lil Ant Lady]

im the same hun
i dont have any advice - im searching for answers myself xxxx
but (((hugs))) sweetie xxx

[danii24]

tanx laura
i hope you find away to cope with it too

[obsidianbutterfly]

I'm sorry you are going through with this...but just know you are not alone in this search... I am going through the same thing

[siljie]

Danii, I share a lot of the same feelings as you do toward this kind of issue... It's very hard to deal with. My last boyfriend was very abusive so I havent been able to trust anyone in that way sense, and when I did try I just got rejected. and as far as friendships go, I am even worse about trusting people. It is so hard, I know. Try to stay strong and keep going. Also, it is often better to have few true friends then be popular but have fake friends. Keep fighting and don't ever give up, okay? There are people out there who will really care about you and love you, you just have to find them - and sometimes they'll come to you. It just takes time, and effort and don't isolate yourself too much because then the opperunity could slip right by you. Good luck.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by danii24

i fear im pushing every1 away but they'll leave me evenntually any way.

I think many of us push ppl away because we are pretty sure they are going to reject us, so we think we are doing ourselves and them a big favor by getting it over with. At least that's how it is with me. I am working on it.

Billi

[danii24]

posted by siljie "to have few true friends then be popular but have fake friends"
that is true im greatful 4 the few porper 1s i have

[SoupDragon]

Yes I agree, one really good friend it better than 10 fake ones. I too find it hard to get close to people and touch is way out of bounds for me. My T has been trying ti get me to hold hands for 18 months, but no way!

[shezbut]

Gentle hugs to you danii24,

I can relate. I have a very difficult time trusting enough for complete honesty and comfort. Is there such a thing? I don't know.

I keep almost everyone a safe distance away. Some are closer than others, of course. A very small amount of people in this world (other than members here, I suppose) know me. My daughters know me on a different level than my bf, and my T knows me pretty well. I doubt that any of them know all of my sides.

I'm kind of like a chameleon. Not for the thrill of being different. Rather, to blend in, and not attract attention to myself. Not that I enjoy being by myself. I don't ~ I hate it & avoid it at all costs!

When people ask me Q's, I have a hard time answering them. It feels as though the Q's are all too complicated to answer...maybe I should just lie and say that life is pretty good. Instead, I answer Q's with hesitation and vagueness.

Maybe this tendency goes along with BPD? I don't know.

[danii24]

shezbut i hear ya completely. i hate being myself as well and try to avoid it as much as i can i try to be what i think i should be depending on what im doing. if im in college i act like other people to avoid people really seeing who i am. i took that test for bpd and it i had severe personality disorder. i read a bit on it and it does sound like me. i change like the wind.

As for complete honesty and comfort i dnt believe it exists but then thats a bit pessimistic

[danii24]

i find myself now being completely withdrawn. im at home the whole time and dont go out of my way to invitee friends over or go see family.

I only talk to people now when they txt me or ring me. Im not a loner and i do like people but i think some times why would someone want to spend time with me because im boring. if someone calls into me at home im anxious the whole time there here and talk really fast and pace about. If it goes quiet for a minute even if its just because someone is doing something i feel really uncomfortable and start talking again.

As for romantic relationships i have no desire at the minute to be in one which makes me feel odd. i used to put myself under pressure to find a relationship because thats what normal people do but im to afraid of rejection and always think that im not good enough for the other person why the hell are they with me.

[protector1973]

not really a good idea telling people about bdp, think you can keep that private. is that being honest or truthfull. yes none of there business. good song called desperado, by johnny cash, its about this subject.

[danii24]

i havent and i nvr would people dnt evn no about my depression i used to hind it well but i cnt now so i keep away from them. i would nvr tell anyone if i had bpd because i know what there reaction would be

[protector1973]

your writing has an irish accent.

[Purple Heart]

I dont know if I read properly but have you considered therapy to resolve these problems?

[danii24]

Yes im starting councilling on weds and i will go over these problems at some stage with her

[beauflow]

( ((((( Danii24))))) I hope counseling helps you.....
I know I have felt these feelings and being rejected almost crushed me.... Until one day I just stopped tryin and then my bf popped up, we were friends prior but not in a relationship... As far as family I stay away and I tend to do this with friends too, its hard to explain on my why.

Just know there are many forms of love, and most ppl that care about you ie most family and some friends would want to help, even coworkers can care, personal thought: it can be surprising who you thought who would never care, but then it can be shocking too on who you'd think would help you.....

Wish you the best! Keep trying sometimes that's all we can do