Is it possible to have an easy relationship?

Seriously, is it even possible to have a relationship that's easy and runs smoothly? Where there isn't that push/pull/push/pull/push/pull????? I swear I just wanna rip my hair out sometimes! Why is it that when things are good they're really good, but when they're bad they just really piss me the hell off? I love my bf and I know that everyone says that about theirs... this guy is different than anyone else I've dated and I've been married before. But he is just so inconsistent it drives me crazy! I get the I love you's and talking about our future together, and getting married and having kids one day... then the next I get the I need to get my own place (no we don't live together, he has roommates), and he wants his freedom, and he doesn't want kids anytime soon, and he's just not happy with where he is in life right now. How do you go from one extreme to the next; not wanting to break up just wanting to put me in his friggin pocket and take me out when his life is settled down... I mean seriously, WTF? GROW UP AND FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT, YOU'RE AN ADULT!!! I mean you wanna get married and have kids with me, but you want to live by yourself??? Ummm... really... really??? The inconsistencies are driving me insane... or maybe more insane Someone please just clue me in... I mean am I an idiot, just blinded? He says he doesn't want to break up, I've pissed him off before of course, but has never wanted to break up with me... says he doesn't deserve me and that I'm his angel that God brought to him... but he wants to live by himself... really? I've even tried to break up with him because I thought that's what he wanted and he said no and wouldn't let me. I'm so frustrated with this back and forth BS and I just want it to be easy! Then again, I don't know if that's even possible for a borderline! FML

you shouldnt depend on him for your happiness

In life overall I am happy... I just want an easier relationship.

You can't keep wasting your life/time on him. If he's not ready, tell him you need to find someone who is.

It'll be ONE year with my guy next month and I intend on asking him if we are working towards something or if we're just filling time. I'm tired of having my time wasted, I want someone who wants me JUST as much. I actually want to get married, but that's so much of a far-fetched dream, I just leave that word out completely.

Have a great day all

Hey Starvin4Perfection,

Thanks for this. I am in a tough place right now with my partner so when I read it I was like, "I KNOW, RIGHT??" I'm sorry to hear he is driving you nuts. It sounds like a tough situation. I know people say just lose him. But that's hard... It sounds like there is a whole lot you like about him. I don't have much advice. All I can say is I hear you! And I can relate, especially today. My partner is driving me nuts and I feel confused too.
Keep questioning, trust your feelings, keep talking it out.

E.

Let me see if I understand this: he lives with roommates and wants to live alone. Fine, can you let him do that, move out of where he lives into his own place? Or, is he saying he wants you to get a place of your own so he can come visit you there, but not have to move himself? He may want/need a life "alone" for awhile, just see you as he does now but from his own place or come visit you in your own place? How long have you been seeing one another.

My relationship with my husband was always easy, we liked to work things out together, wanted to be together most of the time. We aren't in each other's pockets though; even though he's currently sitting less than 10 feet from me he's doing his thing and I'm doing mine. We do sometimes email one another,

That might help you? Do things you want and "allow" him to be part of them or do his own thing? The relationship should be kind of a connector, not a part of either of you, like tying a rope around each of your waists so you're free to roam but are "together" and know you're together (can work together too, if you want). Tell him what you want, "I'd like you to hang out with me on Thursday night" and hopefully he can. But it does sound like he's mixed up on what he wants but that isn't your problem really, look at what you want (not in relation to him but in your own life) and work on that and it will either attract him or you'll see it isn't going to work with him?

Okay, I didn't read any of the responses, so if I repeat something or say something weird, I apologize.

But I wanted to say that I don't think he's crazy or doing any sort of push pull with you. I"m not sure of your ages, so I don't know if that would change my answer or not. But really, I can totally understand that he would want to live alone for awhile before getting married. I think he can have both, just not both immediately and simultaneously. My cousin actually strongly insisted her (now) husband live alone before they got married (He was in his 30's and still living at home (his family is really Italian, this was a foreign concept to his parents)) because she wanted him to have that experience -- to NOT go from being taken care of by his mother to being taken care of by her.

Basically, I think you should give him the space he's asking for. I don't think he's saying two completely opposite things. I think you should encourage him to get his own place, to feel self-sufficent for awhile. Once he feels more like an adult (living on your own will do that), feels more in charge of his life, more in control, you'll probably see him move towards marriage and family. Once he feels like he can provide for himself without any help, he'll feel more ready to provide for you and a family.

Oh, and there's definitely no such thing as an "easy" relationship. What fun would that be? A girl likes to be crossed in love every once and awhile; gives her distinction among her friends (Oh, Jane Austen).

Now.. To go read all the responses to this thread...

Hi! No, I don't think I do know anyone who has an easy relationship! I don't, that's for sure, so you have my sympathy! It's interesting to read other peoples' posts because there are lots of different points of view, some that I wouldn't have even thought of. Unfortunately, no-one can know what is going on in his head so its pointless trying to guess. Well its interesting but just not accurate. You sound like you know what you want and are just waiting for him to make up his mind. My only advice is that you can obsess and worry and stress while he makes up his mind, or you can go out and have some fun while you are waiting for him to make up his mind! If I were you I would fill up your time with good stuff so that you don't think about it too much. If you decide its not going to work, at least you've had fun in the meantime. If it does work, thats great. Good luck, hun!