the odd gal out...

For the life of my I cannot understand why I always feel like an outsider. No matter what relationship (boyfriend, just friends, family, internet chat, forums) I just don't feel like I relate to anyone. I'm good at meeting people for the first time but after that- numbness sets in. It all just feels overwhelmingly empty.

Frozen, welcome!

We'll be here to listen to what you have to say. The great thing is...when the numbness sets in, you can talk about it or not and we'll still be right here for ya

I hope to read more from you soon!

KD

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frozen72 said:
For the life of my I cannot understand why I always feel like an outsider. No matter what relationship (boyfriend, just friends, family, internet chat, forums) I just don't feel like I relate to anyone. I'm good at meeting people for the first time but after that- numbness sets in. It all just feels overwhelmingly empty.

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Seems your social skills levels may be a bit low. But maybe you're just not made that way you know. First meetings are fine for myself as well, but get me in a group right now, and I feel a bit a lone. The fact that I've had a hand in isolating myself these past years plays a BIG part in it. But I'm working at being more outgoing. Went to two paties this last weekend. And survived!!!!!

My stragedy is to ACT more outgoing right now to fit in. Because the more I do ACT it, the easier it will get. Plus, in the meantime, I accidently make friends. Go figure.

Me Too! Count me in!

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Frozen, welcome!

We'll be here to listen to what you have to say. The great thing is...when the numbness sets in, you can talk about it or not and we'll still be right here for ya

I hope to read more from you soon!

KD

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KD, SeptemberMorn and Sara thank you for the welcome.

Sara you said something that really strikes me... ACT outgoing... Funny, that's all that I have now-an act to sustain a short term venture. I'm actually quite outgoing, fun to be around with but how do you move past the 'out' part.

I find myself divorced after 11 years with 4 kids, on and off medication and bing drinking. Heck, I finally went to see a therapist this past summer and felt out of place there. I have made another appointment with someone else as I off medication and binging a little too often.

I've been broke by too many circumstances since my childhood to feel like I can ever make sense of me. (Lord, crying now) and all I want is to feel ok in someone else's eyes.

whoa!

Hi Frozen. Sorry life has been hard on you. Making sense of past stuff takes time. This site is full of people who are in all different stages of healing. There's always somebody here who can relate to what you have to say and offer support or insight or experience that might help you feel less alone.

I feel like the loneliest person on earth! I know it's so difficult to feel part of something when you are numb. I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. That I can relate to.

A lot of times it's really hard to feel like your part of something when you distance yourself from yourself. I do that sometimes. It's like I fight to be me.

Hang in there. We're all here for you.

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frozen72 said:

Sara you said something that really strikes me... ACT outgoing... Funny, that's all that I have now-an act to sustain a short term venture. I'm actually quite outgoing, fun to be around with but how do you move past the 'out' part.

I find myself divorced after 11 years with 4 kids, on and off medication and bing drinking. Heck, I finally went to see a therapist this past summer and felt out of place there. I have made another appointment with someone else as I off medication and binging a little too often.

I've been broke by too many circumstances since my childhood to feel like I can ever make sense of me. (Lord, crying now) and all I want is to feel ok in someone else's eyes.

whoa!

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I know, it's very hard to take charge of your own life. Tell me, your ex spouse, was he controlling? Do you think he helped to instill the feeling of helplessness that you experienced as a child? Did you buckle under him or compromise your integrity?
Was it him and the children that took center stage? Where were YOU, when this was all happening?

Just a few questions to look at.

Wow, good questions Sara1010. Since my father (Retired Army) is the control monster I didn't pay much attention to the husband behavior (unless it got explosive).

Lexicon- I don't know if I should feel this way but it's comforting to hear somone else feels like I do. I'm scared. I know I have to change for many reasons, kids, college (starting 1/9), and just any new relationship that spark.

Funny, I could always cope enough when married to my service memeber but you get to move every three years and everyone you know is an anquaintance. Plus, I guess I identified myself as 'his wife', nothing more.

hmmm, thank you for listening and I'm glad I have an avenue to express things I won't to another human. Oh, thanks for the book link Sara- I don't think I would have realized that information was here.

May I ask what kind of hobbies do you have? I feel less lonely if I have some type of hobby to talk about to people. It gives me a safe topic to talk to someone about. Also, I find that having a pet helps with loneliness. I don't get many hugs so sometimes I torment my cat by hugging her when I am sad or worrying too much for my own good. A pet can sometimes make a pretty decent T because they are accepting of you no matter what. My cat sleeps with me even though I slapped her one night because I was mad that I couldn't sleep and forgot where she was in the bed and I tried to slap my mattress. She left for a while. I appologized to her and she came back to bed with me.

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frozen72 said:
Wow, good questions Sara1010. Since my father (Retired Army) is the control monster I didn't pay much attention to the husband behavior (unless it got explosive).

Funny, I could always cope enough when married to my service memeber but you get to move every three years and everyone you know is an anquaintance. Plus, I guess I identified myself as 'his wife', nothing more.

hmmm, thank you for listening and I'm glad I have an avenue to express things I won't to another human. Oh, thanks for the book link Sara- I don't think I would have realized that information was here.

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You know by what you say "explosive" this to me means he had a temper. It is not unheard of for people to control others with anger. Let me also guess here, he would get moody and quiet when he was upset with you and perhaps deny there was anything wrong when you asked? If so, just nod your head (LOL) and go to Barnes & Nobles and get the book Emotional Blackmail by Dr Susan Forward. This book is more for as it is happening, but.....she also gives insight to why you might have lost some of yourself in him.

The idea here is to read and learn about your self until you can honestly say you are a nice person and deserve the freindships you have made and will make. This is where I am right now. Learning who I am again, apart but with my husband. I have recently realized he suffers from being passive/aggressive, which opens the door to Emotionally Blackmailing those he comes in contact with. Me mostly. All these years he used my weaknesses to keep me in line, and I suffered for it. From that Inner Child of the Past I went to I'M OK YOU'RE OK book, to Dr Forward's which literally jumped off the shelf at B & N's when I went to just look. The title felt so damn right.

Just remember one thing, never, ever stand still in working on yourself. The moment you do, stagnation sets in and you get comfy in a spot that will not work for long.