[salukigirl]

I'll be the first to admit it. I refuse to accept help. I hate it when a guy tells me how to do something and I automatically view it as controlling. I take it to the extreme too. Someone telling me I can't do something makes me do it 10x more or harder than I would have before. I don't like depending on anyone. To the point that I went out and bought a car that I couldn't afford so that my dad would then have no financial connection to me. I stopped accepting help from my parents before I graduated high school and don't like accepting even birthday presents.

Well as a lot of you know I had surgery this past Wednesday on my knee and I'm doing it again. I am putting myself through physical pain to not accept help from people and I don't know how to put my ego aside and just accept it. What the hell is wrong with me? I have stitches in my leg and I act like nothing even happened. My bf tries to help and I won't let him. And the worst part....is I KNOW that I do it and I don't stop. Why do I view everything like this as a personal attack? How can I convince myself that not all offers of help are meant to be a sign of me being weak?

[Astridetal]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time asking for and accepting help. I was like that too, until I realized it was really pushing people away an dno good for myself either. Maybe this time after your surgery is a good time to start practicing asking for/accepting help. Try to start by really tiny things that do not take away your power at all. I hope this helps.

[specialeffects]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

I'll be the first to admit it. I refuse to accept help. I hate it when a guy tells me how to do something and I automatically view it as controlling. I take it to the extreme too. Someone telling me I can't do something makes me do it 10x more or harder than I would have before. I don't like depending on anyone. To the point that I went out and bought a car that I couldn't afford so that my dad would then have no financial connection to me. I stopped accepting help from my parents before I graduated high school and don't like accepting even birthday presents.

Well as a lot of you know I had surgery this past Wednesday on my knee and I'm doing it again. I am putting myself through physical pain to not accept help from people and I don't know how to put my ego aside and just accept it. What the hell is wrong with me? I have stitches in my leg and I act like nothing even happened. My bf tries to help and I won't let him. And the worst part....is I KNOW that I do it and I don't stop. Why do I view everything like this as a personal attack? How can I convince myself that not all offers of help are meant to be a sign of me being weak?

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Saluki,
Tell me I can't/best not/shouldn't, is a sure way for me to say [180 degrees the opposite]. I understand that completly!
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Hope you do OK with your leg healing. But I'll give you a lil' suggestion if you don't *180* it , LOL, tell peeps in a o so not confrontational way, to look t you as an adult!!, and to not assume you need some magical fixing by them!
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They may get a little " we don't mean to do that " response ? , But give the I understand and see you care , but I would prefer to ask when I need , rather than the blow you off for butting in my biz . Ya know?
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You're covering your world and doing the school/college thing , working , keeping bills paid , dealing with a relationship, [ that's alot on one plate ] . You are young and doing the do right !! :-) . Just let others know , you will hear them , but it doesn't mean you Have to Obey them .
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As everything in life heals? :-p So will your leg!
<3
Specialeffects
Se.

Hello, salukigirl. Your reference to your father has me wondering if he caused you to feel dependent on him. You also state, "I hate it when a guy tells me how to do something and I automatically view it as controlling." Did you view your father as controlling? Is this a guy thing, or do you dislike help from gals too?

[salukigirl]

I don't like it coming from women either but men I view it as more of an attack. If anything I'm the opposite of dependent on my dad. He doesn't ask for help either and doesn't like to give it. And my mom, having been screwed over in a divorce, has always taught me that the only person you can depend on is yourself.

(((salukigirl))) - hi. i can understand you have been hurt and your resentment towards your father. however, not all men are your dad, and you are doing a disservice to yourself by applying your feelings towards him to all men (and, it seems, most women also). i have trust issues also, and it's an awful way to live. you have to learn to let your defenses down sometimes, at least a little. if people like your bf offer to help - especially as you are recovering from surgery - please accept it graciously even if you have doubts emotionally. how else will you learn to trust others?

i had knee surgery several years ago for a torn miniscus. i was in a lot of pain afterwards. the MD told me i could return to work in 2 days; i gave it 3. still, it was too early. stay off that knee and let it heal!

once a therapist told me, "you can trust people to be themselves." i have found it to be true. sometimes, what you expect when you trust people is your expectations for them and that can be a recipe for disappointment. however, it's best to trust them for what you know they can deliver based your knowledge of their personality and abilities.

i hope your knee feels better soon!

[beauflow]

We all need some help sometimes. I say that but as you, i have had a hell of a time accepting it. It's true in a way in the end we need to depend on ourselves but that doesn't mean we can't accept help from others when in need.
Idk if this will help but Last yr i had back surgery and was stupid with i'll do the dishes and all, yeah i couldn't bend down and none the less i was heavily drugged, but there was one night when my boyfriend was at work, i was sitting in the chair we had and i litteraly couldn't get up by myself due to it was only a few days after surgery, my boyfriend came home and i still was bull headed with asking for help even though i had to go to the restroom, he came over and i told him in tears for hours i'd been sitting and had to go but couldn't get up. he helped me up, it hurt so bad physically and emotionally for me. but i was so grateful he was there to help me and idk for me. I couldn't get up to go to the restroom i did feel helpless and hated it and in the end i saw some times we need help. It doesn't make us helpless though, i was able to go to the restroom by myself I tell this to my bro all the time for years for he's more so bull headed than i at times, but not till last year did i really *fully* believe it. I've done so many things by myself which has hurt me. I'm learning to ask and accept help in some areas. I mess up some times but it's a working progress as i'm sure your doing as well as far as parents idk got too much on my mind with my own with out helping out any of their kids.

I hope you heal well and i am sure you know don't re injure yourself and as always be well :-)

[salukigirl]

Well I did it. Yesterday was my first day of field work since my surgery and at first I was upset that they weren't letting me carry anything but I just let it go and it was fine. No comments or anything. And my expectations - that I owe someone something after helping me - were unfounded and neither of them said a word about me doing a little less than every other time.