Help, My husband hates me!

Ok, so he doesn't actually hate me. But, I need help. My husband and I have been married for just over a year. He is ADD/Bi-polar mix. His favorite pastime is diagnosing other people. He says I have the "beast" also. The beast is what he calls ADD and/or bi-polar. He says that is what attracted him to me. I have never been diagnosed with anything before. Ok, since being with him, he has made me realize that I have suffered boughs of depression since I was a child. I am now taking Paxil and yes, I have leveled out in the depression department. I am glad about that. Problem is that I needed something else to offset the sexual side effects so in enters Wellbutrin. After a week or so, my husband says I am aggressive on Wellbutrin so I ask the doctor for something else. He gives me Efferex. After a week or so my husband says stop taking it. I have not felt aggressive or anything. My husband (by the way the crazyashell is actually him, he picked the name out but has never used the site--just me) is aggressive. He will get in my face and yell. I have a hard time with this as I have a very low self esteem. If I suggest that HIS meds might be wrong, he has a fit. The biggest problem is that he is always pychoanalyzing me and telling me I need this med or that and when I ask the Doctor for it and start it, then he tells me to stop the med it is wrong. What do I do?
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my first question is this. is he a doctor?

my second one is, why does your doctor change your meds so quickly and just because you suggest it?

i'd almost suggest that you change husbands and doctors, but barring that....try finding a therapist that you can talk to about this. your husband sounds like a bully to me and you probably could also benefit from couples counseling. letting him "diagnose" you repeatedly isn't helping either of you.

and why do you go along with this? i know you said he gets in your face and that really affects you....but if you want that to stop, you've got to take some steps to help yourself deciding what you're willing to put up with to be with him.

good luck, xoxoxo pat

Sounds like now that you're married..he feels he is entitled to "fix you". I don't see this as working out too well. Stand up to him. Tell him to back off.

NO, he isn't a doctor but his last wife was. He was married to her for 18 years. He reads the PDR for fun. He doesn't just diagnose me, everyone in his family and everyone we meet. It gets to be a real pain at times.

Like I said, I do suffer from depression and my doctor understands that, too. We have long talks about why I may or may not need something. He's pretty cool.

Why do I go along with this? Good question and the answer is.................beats me??!! Maybe I'm just a wimp!<a target='_blank' href='http://www.mymailsignature.com'>
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Dottie, I think that the problem is that he thinks that everyone needs fixing!

This is my second marriage and his third. My first husband of 24 years ran off with another woman. His second wife of 18 years ran off with another woman also. (Weird, huh) We are Christians and we both want this marriage to work. It is very difficult but we are determined. I have called a marriage counselor that my doctor recommended to us but I have not yet been able to get ahold of her. We live way out in the wilderness of west Texas and things are run a little bit different here at the end of the world.
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He gets in your face and yells? Hon, you've got a tiger by the tail. Doesn't sound like a loving supportive environment to me. Is it too late for an annulment? You do not need this crap.You do not deserve this crap. Dude has major issues, Take care of yourself, this kind of stuff only gets worse with time. You will never do things "right" enough for him. Check your phone book for battered women's services and give them a call. They probably have councelors available who could help you make the hard decisions sitting on your plate.
Sorry your dreams have come crashing down. But, it doesn't have to wreck the rest of your life. Take care of yourself, please.

I love him so much. We both thought this marriage was the fairy tale ending or happily ever after. I guess nothing is that good, huh.

I understand all about mental abuse. He has so many issues. He has a real problem with "control." His last wife was 100% in control. My last husband was a truck driver and never home. I raised 4 boys by myself. I was always in control even though I didn't want to be. If he thinks for a minute that I am trying to be in control, he has a fit! <a target='_blank' href='http://www.mymailsignature.com'>
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Hey...the longer I live, the more tolerant I am.....
What I've discovered is that we all have our own personal hang ups (usually resulting from our own, personal past experiences)....my husband is a major hypochondriac.....&, of course, I might have a pitiful few faults myself.....but we work at understanding the origins of it....we talk about it.....we ask the counselor about it...and it makes us both more aware of what we're doing. Don't get me wrong....no one suddenly becomes a perfectly balanced person...but if you truly love one another, you can find some mutual understanding and end up even closer despite your "quirks"......at least it's worth a try....good luck, grace

Dear Crazy, You have a big problem. Your post screams of dysfunction. When your husband focuses on you and everyone else, he doesn't need to focus on himself and he needs help. You have received great advice above. Get a good therapist for yourself. Good luck, dear.

Grace, thanks. I have made an appointment for us to see a counselor next week. I do love him. He loves me. We both have had difficult lives and that is one of the reasons I try to understand him. It is difficult at times but I do try, and try, and try.<a target='_blank' href='http://www.mymailsignature.com'>
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Dysfunction? We are the King and Queen of Dysfunction. I was sexually abused by my father as a child. My first husband ran around on me. His father beat him. His brother hit him over the head and knocked him out for 20 min. to an hour at least 3 times as a child. He went into the Navy and was electricuted (believe it or not) four times. Twice his heart stopped beating. I suffer from depression and he is ADD/bi-polar mix. Oh and did I mention that his last wife left him for another woman. Talk about a dysfunctional family! That's us. But, we are trying to understand each other and love each other. We both feel that this is our last chance.

I did tell him yesterday, that from now on my meds were my business. It was between my doctor and I and he was to mind his own business. I did tell him I was tired of him bullying me all the time. It's a start, huh.<a target='_blank' href='http://www.mymailsignature.com'>
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Way to go Crazy! Good for you---you established some boundaries and that is very healthy. I'm glad you are going to counseling but I still think you should find a GOOD therapist just for you.

I find that people in our life seems to pick out things about us that they hate or dislike in them self... they can't change their own problem(s) fast enough, therefore, they set out to change their partners in an attempt to get better.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Pammie, I'll see what I can do. I think you are right!<a target='_blank' href='http://www.mymailsignature.com'>
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Rhapsody, Yes, I've often thought that about what my husband does. I think that because he can't seem to "Fix" himself, he goes around finding faults in others so that they also are 'broken."<a target='_blank' href='http://www.mymailsignature.com'>
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Your hubby sounds verbally abusive if he's yelling in your face...IMO...I don't really know. That's not cool, though. Anyways, I'm glad you told him to mind his own business as far as your meds goes. That's what needs to be done. You might want to talk with him and tell him how much his analyzing you bothers you and how much all his behaviors affect you.

Thanks. I have told him that I HATE it when he analyzes ( sp) me. It drives me up the wall. He will sit there and tell ME how I FEEL.<a target='_blank' href='http://www.mymailsignature.com'>
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crazyashell said:
Rhapsody, Yes, I've often thought that about what my husband does. I think that because he can't seem to "Fix" himself, he goes around finding faults in others so that they also are 'broken."<a target='_blank' href='http://www.mymailsignature.com'>
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YES................. for when others around us are broken or fall short, then we some how seem to LOOK BETTER, if but only in our own eyes.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Hi, Crazy...

I let my ex scream at me for 17 years...need I say more?

If you are determined to make this marriage work, you cannot let him do that. When he starts, calmly tell him that you'll be happy to talk when he stops yelling...and remove yourself form the scene. The next time you see him, act like nothing at all has happened. Repeat as necessary. Your husband is replaying the behavior tapes he came with...it takes a while for those to change. You must make it clear that you will not play by those rules.