[spaceid]

Is there a part of Murphy's Law that applies to your lovelife? I think one does for me.

I'm a loner, but sometimes I can find a guy that I am surprisingly interested in. However, he never becomes interested in me. And then when a guy actually shows interest in me (rarely) I just don't feel the same way about him. I'm 28 years old and I've never been on a proper date or had someone tell me that they love me. What is up with that? I take care of myself, I think I'm kind of adorable, I'm friendly, approachable, smart...what is missing? I'm kind of quiet, but I don't ignore people.

I got used to living like this though, under this law of "you'll be interested in him, but he'll never be interested in you" and vice versa. I figured that was my life...until I met J. J started chatting me up, wanted me to spend time with him. Eventually we were with each other everyday. I eat dinner at his house most nights. We go on vacation together. Wow! Has the law forgotten about me? Has it become bored with me and latched on to someone else? No, it was just in hiding. The law was just playing a trick on me because J likes me and acts like he cares about me, but doesn't want a girlfriend or anything. Anyways he's thinking of joining the Peace Corps and disappearing for 27 months. Good one, Murphy's Law, you really made me think some guy actually cared about me for once...I guess I should go back to not caring. I don't know what other choice I have.

[Rose3]

Some of them want you when they want you. But are you going to be satisfied
with that kind of arrangement? Don't fall so quickly. Learn about yourself from
this kind of situation with this guy who's leaving for 27 months. Maybe don't
invest so much time with someone who has other plans? Is there a way to find
out what their plans are, before you fall for the guy?

Originally Posted by spaceid

Is there a part of Murphy's Law that applies to your lovelife? I think one does for me.

I'm a loner, but sometimes I can find a guy that I am surprisingly interested in. However, he never becomes interested in me. And then when a guy actually shows interest in me (rarely) I just don't feel the same way about him. I'm 28 years old and I've never been on a proper date or had someone tell me that they love me. What is up with that? I take care of myself, I think I'm kind of adorable, I'm friendly, approachable, smart...what is missing? I'm kind of quiet, but I don't ignore people.

I got used to living like this though, under this law of "you'll be interested in him, but he'll never be interested in you" and vice versa. I figured that was my life...until I met J. J started chatting me up, wanted me to spend time with him. Eventually we were with each other everyday. I eat dinner at his house most nights. We go on vacation together. Wow! Has the law forgotten about me? Has it become bored with me and latched on to someone else? No, it was just in hiding. The law was just playing a trick on me because J likes me and acts like he cares about me, but doesn't want a girlfriend or anything. Anyways he's thinking of joining the Peace Corps and disappearing for 27 months. Good one, Murphy's Law, you really made me think some guy actually cared about me for once...I guess I should go back to not caring. I don't know what other choice I have.

Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth because I am going through a similar situation. Just when I thought it was going good & things might actually work out for me with a man, he basically disappears.

I wish I had some good advice for you, but I can't even figure out my own situation.

I too wish I didn't care because it definitely seems easier that way. Once I do start to not care or look for someone special, he seems to fall into my lap.

A girlfriend of mine has recommended a few books to me which I've just ordered from Amazon. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and The Secret. Honestly, they both seem kinda silly to me, but I'm going to read them. Hopefully, one will make me understand men a little more and the other will help me think more positively.

Anyway, again, I wish I could help by giving some profound advice, but I don't have any.

I guess one way to look at the situation is that this person just wasn't THE ONE for you. Or, the timing just isn't right.

I'm hoping the stars will align in my favor and give me exactly what I wish for soon. Until then, I'll just read a lot of silly self help books with positive affirmations.

[spaceid]

I don't know how to not fall quickly. When I like someone I just like them. I can't control it. We've been seeing each other since February so I falling for him is something I have already done.

He also changes his mind quite often. He worries a lot so he makes rash decisions about what he will do if something doesn't go his way, but he rarely follows through. I don't know if he's really going to leave. Tomorrow he could say something completely different. He's a nice guy, but I don't think he really knows what he wants out of life. There are a lot of signs that say to me he isn't ready for a relationship and I wish I could just turn off how I feel about him, but my feelings for him won't go away no matter what I tell myself. So I'm sort of stuck since I've never felt this way about anyone else before. I don't know what it is like to be in a relationship, not have it work out, and then meet someone else. I guess in a way I feel like that happens to other people and not me. Like this is my only chance. I know when I say that, it doesn't really make sense. But when you go though life without much attention from other people it feels like it will be like that forever.

My friends have never had any problems with getting dates or being in a relationship. I always feel like the odd duck. Out of everyone in my family and all my friends I'm always the one to not be able to have someone. I've had close friends that I have known for years assume that I'm a lesbian an just not telling anyone because I can't get a boyfriend. There always seems to be some other girl around that is prettier, more outgoing, and funnier than me. And then I'm always the girl that's a really good friend, but not the girlfriend.

Like I said I just excepted it for the most part. I guess I gave up pretty easily, figured that was my place in life, to be the friend not the girlfriend. Then I met J and now everything is a mess...in both a good and bad way. In a funny way I feel like someone is playing a practical cosmic joke on me. The other day I felt like someone had dropped an anvil on my head made by Acme and everyone else is laughing but me.

[spaceid]

Originally Posted by redpisces26

I wish I had some good advice for you, but I can't even figure out my own situation.

I know the feeling. Do you feel like you're there just to keep him company so he's not alone, but also not completely attached? Sometimes that is how I feel. Then he will say something like, "Of course I want to see you," and I'm like what does he mean "of course"? If he doesn't tell me how he feels about me how I am supposed to know? If I was psychic like that I would have won the lottery by now.

Originally Posted by spaceid

I know the feeling. Do you feel like you're there just to keep him company so he's not alone, but also not completely attached? Sometimes that is how I feel. Then he will say something like, "Of course I want to see you," and I'm like what does he mean "of course"? If he doesn't tell me how he feels about me how I am supposed to know? If I was psychic like that I would have won the lottery by now.

The man in my situation lives in another state so, we don't spend hardly any time together. We spent time together during his 2 visits home; August & Sept. When he was planning his visits and when he was here, he was all about seeing me. He was totally into me and made me feel as if he meant every word of what he was saying and enjoying himself just as much as I was.

I think what happened for him was, I was the girl he knew years ago who he never had because I was in a few relationships with other men. The 2 men I was with were also his friends. One of those men I was with for almost 2 years and the other man I had a child with and we were together for 5 years.

I think maybe he looked at our current situation as some sort of accomplishment. I was the girl he never had years ago and finally got to experience. We reconnected on Facebook earlier this year and that's when we started talking again after not communicating for so many years.

I don't know what to think right now. I deactivated my Facebook yesterday so I wouldn't be tempted to look at his profile to see what he's up to, etcetera. I also deleted his number from my cell phone. I'm trying the *out of sight, out of mind* thing for a while. We'll see what happens and how I feel after a few weeks.