The internet is tearing us apart.

Greg and I just got married on October 5, 2011 (less than a month ago). This is a very long story and a bit complicated one.
Greg and I "met" in Tagged on August 13, 2010. I had had been surfing the net for more than a year at that time. I started surfing six months after the death of my British fiance, (Colin Carroll) on October 31, 2008. He bought me a laptop two months before his demise due to cancer; his objective of buying me the laptop and which he made me promise was for me to write our love story and publish it in the net after his death; his cancer was terminal and we both knew at that time that his life won't be longer than two months then according to his doctors.
I was grieving when I started writing our story and could not finish it so I left it in one of my files; all 26 chapters.
Since then I had joined some wholesome groups such as giftoflovingkindness.com and two more until I stumbled on chatting activities. I met a lot of people with various mental and "attitudinal" disorders which really scared me.
Then I happened to join Tagged; this is where I met Douglas, the first guy who I had some emotional involvement; but I was confused then; everything was just so unbelievable. Then I found out that everything that Douglas said to me was a lie; it actually devastated me when I realized that I was just dealing with an internet character.
One day I saw Douglas and his new lady being tagged in Facebook; it was an announcement that he actually came to the Philippines as he promised, but not for me...it was for that other lady.
When Greg and I met sooner afterwards, I told him about my experience with Douglas...but no sooner did he had proven that he was the perfect man for me.
He visited me twice in the Philippines and in that second visit we got married.
Now my papers are in the process of preparing my visa to get me to the U.S. where Greg is...but we have a big problem..it's me.
I cannot trust Greg despite everything he did for me. I always quarrel him every time we chat. I accuse him of being a "slut puppy" who chase "sluts" in the net; a cyber sex maniac. He is very patient with me but I just cannot trust him and continues to quarrel him...this makes me very sad. What's wrong with me?

I'm sorry about this. What does he do really on the internet? Do you have proof? I would be worried if my boyfriend did the same. Maybe you could try talking to him about this but calmly. I'm sorry if my advice is bad. There's nothing wrong with you, you're just concerned.

Thanks for the comment. Greg never does anything wrong to me in the net; he is kind both in the net and in person; there are just lots of things such as behaviors and gestures that provoke me to suspicions...I feel like he enjoys chatting with someone else in the net but I have no concrete proofs, it's plainly the confusing gestures of the hands, facial expressions, being fidgetty, and many more unusual behaviors.

It's okay. I am glad he is nice to you. Could you ask him whether he is chatting to someone else?

I asked all the time that we chat and he vehemently denies every time and even firmly states that he never cheats his wife; but I just can't believe what he says. He further said that he is already tired of my accusations. I fear that our relationship will die a natural death because of my accusations and his denials that won't convince me.

Beautiful picture! Greg does not "look like" a slut puppy to me. He looks like a happy guy.

I don't think he would go to the work of coming to see you, marrying you (notice that Douglas did not choose to marry you), doing all the visa work and making a place for you here in the States if he did not want to be with you and spend time with you?

Maybe you are afraid of leaving the Philippines where you know people and the culture and how things are and coming to a new country? That's very scary, especially if you don't know anyone; I would join some "regular" groups online and meet other women, both Filipinas and others, especially some who live in the area you will be coming to? Talk to them about Greg and see what they think? Get some roots started here so when you get here you have people you have talked to online and can meet in person, maybe a church group, etc.

Another thought is to ask Greg for enough money to fly back to the Philippines if you have too much trouble getting use to the United States and find you really do not like it. Tell him you do not plan to use the money, do not want it for its obvious use but want it for emotional security while you are becoming use to his country. Tell him it might cut down on how many bad things you say about him, how much stress you put on the relationship trying to reassure yourself that it will all be all right because you will have the means to make it all right if you are disappointed.

Thank you Perna for the effort of letting me know your thoughts about my situation. First I would say I have no problem about money and friends. For now, I have some 20 ex-colleagues, ex-students and long time family friends who know about my recent marriage to Greg and they are willing to help me feel at home in the new country. Five of them promised to meet me in the airport with Greg once I arrive there.
Thank you also for giving me some insight about Greg not looking like a "slut puppy"...it helps me feel better in a way. I know that my accusations had hurt Greg so much and this pile up with my other fears and phobias.
Greg has done a lot that show his good nature, in fact I feel guilty for not appreciating...but I do appreciate what he had done and continues doing for me and our relationship.
I just feel like the Greg I married and being with in person when he was here is different from the Greg I see in the cam when we chat...his habitual actuation and behavior in the net is so much different from the behavior of the Greg I lived with for some time here in my own home.
I will try to be more tolerant and considerate next time...I know that it would be very difficult but I love my husband and won't let him go just like that.
Thank you.
Jenny

"Set me as a seal upon thine arms, as a seal upon thine heart; for love is strong as death, jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire which hath the most vehement flame."

That is the reality of meeting someone from online to real life. When I first met my boyfriend (he was from online) he was definitively not what I expected. He was short and awkward and very soft spoken. I believe he found me as awkward when we first met. It's normal. There are some times, still, when he has some issues with my occasional flailing or awkwardness in public but he's never rejected me for it. The point is that the person you meet through chat is often not going to be exactly the same in real life. In real life you see them act throughout the day. On the computer you only see a snippet of their lives. What they reveal to you.

Sorry for my rubbish answers. I'm crap at giving advice.

Thank you for this insight. I found my Greg to be a bit more reserved or introvert in person whereas I am more on the extrovert and sociable type; but despite all these we reciprocate and blend in the social circle and we love each other more; but now that we are apart and talk only online my paranoia is coming back, he is not the same person I married less than a month ago; I think that I will have to deal with myself in this area.

"The true measure of love is to love without measure."

You are actually insightful; you gave your sincere thoughts and that is good enough. We all differ in the individual sense.

Some people get nervous and fidgety when they are on camera. I sometimes talk to family on skype and we will use the webcam sometimes and as soon as it is on I stiffen up or start fidgiting and get awkward, which is very different than how I am in person. It sounds like Greg loves you very much. Distance can put some stress on a relationship, because it's hard being away from the person you love and it increases anxiety. Maybe next time you feel like accusing Greg count to ten and take a deep breath, list all the things you love about him and wether or not there is any proof he is actually doing the things you want to accuse him of. It sounds like Greg loves you very much and wouldn't betray you like that.

Tamezen,
I recommend that you go to this site:
http://www.theworldoffilipinas.com/f...ex.php?act=idx

It is a website devoted to Fil-Am marriages. There are many Filipinas there who are dealing with issues related to their American husbands, with forums in Tagalog, Bisaya, Waray and so on. I think you'll find ample support there.

Ingat ka.

Thank you for that sound advice Typo. I will try my best; yes I do feel guilty; I love him as much too, it's my paranoia that is taking its toll.

Ok, thanks.

(((((((tamezen))))))))))

It's sometimes really hard to trust people. I love my bf, and we live together and I know he would never betray me, but because I have been hurt so much in the past sometimes it's hard to not through accusations out or be weary or have moments where I don't trust him.

T suggested the counting andmaking a list thing to me when I discussed my inscurities and problems with trust.

It takes time but I really believe you can do it, and once y'all areliving together it will take some of the stress and anxiety away

wishing you the best