How do you tell if someone is lying to you about DID???

Hello There,

How can you tell if someone is lying to you about having DID??? My partner says that she has this disorder but I just don't see anything different in her myself. About a year ago she and I was doing some imaginary play to spice up our love life and she took it way out there to the 5th dimension so to speak saying that this person was really astral projecting in her body but she didn't do her homework on her. I caught her in her lies while she was doing it. She got into a fight with her friend and we were in here while she was on the bed crying and she was saying she was a pathological liar and I said No I think you might have DID because I done some research on it from going to school to be a psychologist and she said Yes this is what I have and I have been lying to you for the past 9 years Sorry. It sounded like to me she was pulling my chain. Just going along with what i said so that I wouldn't catch her in her other lie. I got fed up with it myself so it went on for a year with her and I of this alter reality of sorts that she said she was and got me all screwed up inside. My daughter even seen things that one minute she was this person and she forgot there names and mixed them up or whatever. It was a mess. She has always done drugs and I think she has an addiction to Meth is all and there is nothing wrong with her except that. No alters she has. She is just her. I see no difference in her personality except for that messed up year of her trying to screw with me then back to work again. I however had to go to a conselor after that crap. Our relationship has always been wierd and she can be controling to a point as well so is this her manipulating me to think that she has this for a blame or victim thing that ways she don't have to take the blame for anything in her life. Look at what she has done to me and how things has happened inside. This is what I say to myself. I am just asking other people what I should be looking for and what their opinions are on the matter this is all. She even tells me I have this and I tell her I don't. If I do I don't view me any other way but normal ole' Jessica. I feel something is out of order this is all and I am being played as a whole and I don't like that. My mother manipulated me and I don't want the same thing to happen in my relationship but I fear that is already has. I am done typing now. Love and light to all and sorry for the confusion here. Jessica

Maybe whether or not she has DID isnt biggest issue.
Maybe what matters is whether she us good for you or not.

The only people who can rule in or rule out DID are licensed experts in dissociative disorders. If your friend hasn't been tested for it appropriately, it's possible that she doesn't really know what's going on with herself.

The important thing, like a poster already said is not so much is she lying, but is this a safe relationship (emotionally, physically, psychologically) for you and your daughter. If you are questioning this friends stability and whether she is a healthy person for you to be around, then maybe you should think about making a safety plan and getting you and your child out of harms way.

You can still be there for her and encourage her to get help/treatment for what she is experiencing, but at the same time put you and your daughter first and make sure you are in a healthy and safe environment.

It's unfortunate, but it's rather easy to say "I have DID" and spin some tales about why, when really it's just a manipulative way to reach out for attention and keep people walking on eggshells.

The only way to know is for her to be evaluated by an expert, but she would have to be amenable to this.

Take care

Im sorry but Psych central does not allow us to debate / discuss whether someone has DID or not regardless if its the poster that may or may not have it or its the posters friends that may or may not have it. there is a sticky thread explaining discussing whether someone has it or not is against the rules of this website.

that said the only way you are going to know whether your friend has this or not is if she goes through the process of diagnostic evaluations with mental health provider.

you not seeing any difference. DID is a disorder that comes into being while the host (person with the disorder) is an extremely young child under the age of 5. It doesnt come into being with in the past year or so of an adults relationship. even the hosts parents dont usually pick up on the disorder.

plus people with DID have a system of alters. one kind of alters that all systems have is called protector alters. In some cases it is the protectors purpose / job to prevent other people from knowing /discovering the system of alters and do what ever they have to in order to protect the host from harm. if her system of alters perceives you as a threat to the host or system they will do what ever they have to (lie, cover up symptoms, or anything else they feel they have to do) in order to protect the host and system.

theres more to having or not having DID than what you can find in books, on the internet and in psych classes. on top of that the symptoms of dissociation and DID are shared by other mental disorders and physical health problems, and can also happen with completely normal people too. you diagnosing your friends / partners and others based on research and some psych classes can lead to some very dangerous situations..

for example I had a client that came in to the crisis center where I work. she had a friend that told her what she had ..DID. so my client agreed. when we required her to undergo diagnostic evaluations it was discovered she had epilepsy (which accounted for her loss of time / black outs / out of body, astro projection type symptoms) and Diabetes (which accounted for her dissociative like symptoms of numbness, spacyness, appearing to switch moods and alters and others).

if she had continued to go on her friends diagnosis based on her friends research and psych classes that girl would have lost body parts to amputation, blindness, deafness, coma, death and thats just from the diabetes, the epilepsy could have caused her to have seizures while driving, walking or any other activities that could have resulted in being physically harmed or death.

Another case we had at the crisis center one of our clients found an online support group. the people there told her she had DID. she agreed. she died. when the autopsy was done it was discovered she had cancer that had caused her to be anemic (which can account for many of her dissociative symptoms) and caused a tumor in her brain. The tumor was in a place that was operable but left on its own grew and caused mood swings, switching into what appeared to be alternate personalities, head aches and other dissociative symptoms. the tumor finally got too big and killed her.

recently one of our cases has discovered he didnot have what his friend told him he had. his friend told him based on researching and a psych class he was DID. this young man is now working with the prosecutors office. they are suing the friend for practicing without a license, and a host of other charges because his problem turned out to bipolar disorder, high blood pressure and a heart disease.

this person found out what they had after they had a heart attack while driving, whereby causing a vehicle accident where they killed a woman and child. the guy that is suing is now a quadriplegic. if his friend hadnt played at diagnosing this guy would have consulted his physician and a woman and child would still be alive and he would not be in a wheel chair for the rest of his life.

I agree with you about his... This is exactly what I am saying that she needs to go get it evaluated. She will not though so I am not going to contribute to it anymore. Thank you for your advice but all that you say I have tried and it never works so all I can do is sit back and accept or move on. Lots of love and light, Jess

Whether she has DID or not, she sounds like a toxic person to be around. You say she's addicted to meth, and you say you have a daughter. How old is your daughter? Does she live with you? Is she old enough to cope with you being in a relationship with a drug addict?

It could be that your girlfriend isn't really someone you should have in your life, both for your sake, and your daughter's sake. Sorry if I sound heartless, but we're both Moms, so I feel for you in this situation. If you have issues of your own, and she's messed with your head to the point where you've needed counselling, then you need to look after yourself. I'm sorry you've had all this rubbish to wade through.

And amandalouise gives excellent advice... if your partner really thinks she has alters (and isn't just putting it on) then she really should see a pdoc about it. she should see a pdoc anyway about the drug abuse, if nothing else.

Well, my daughter knows and does not like it but this does not change the fact for my partner doing it. You can't make a drug addict change they have to want to do it themselves. I am still going through crap with myself but do my own therapy to a point with video blogs. I don't know if it helps me or hinders me to tell you the truth. I journal too. i sing as well and this helps more than anything because I didn't use to be able to sing but I think I came in contact with my inner voice now and she helps me sing. Great connection I have found with me while going through this crap but I got it confused with alternate personality disorder that my partner told me I had. I however believe that we all have aspects to ourselves that help us be more of who we are. I encouraged her to go to a conselor many times and she will not go. I have been there three times to figure out if I had alters because of a year of crap that I went through with my spouse coming out (long story) short... The conselor told me after 5 sesions I knew myself pretty well and didn't really help me so here I am. The conselor thing did not help with me at all so I gave up on it. I do have OCD and anxiety that I have been diagnosed with but as far as my partner she has a drug problem and I believe she has manipulated me to believe this about her because she has done this in the past with other things and I have gained control over those areas of my life like going to see my mother and having say so over my daughter and tons of other things. If you want a more clear story I can tell you but I will have to write it out from the begining because I know this is confusing. Bottom line I can't help someone who does not want to be helped and is very smart in deed.... Thank you for your advice. love and light.. Jess

{i apoligise in advance if this comment is too opinionated
and also would like to note that i am not a trained profssional,
just an experienced (in this particular subject) and concerned person}

to me, the biggest issue here is her questionalble drug addiction.
the thing about addicts is, they can only help them self.. you cant fix them
doctors, proffesionals, and specialtists can all try
but she has to want to stop using,
or it will land her in prisions, institutuions, hospitals, and ultimatly even kill her
in my opinion, i would not have your daughter arround addicts, it isnt safe
you might want to question if all this other stuff is because of her drug use
meth especialy can play tricks on your mind, and my be toying with hers
((my uncle died from a drug over dose and one of his DOC's (drugs of choice) was meth, this realy is a topic that concerns me))

I definitely agree about the drug use and it is scarey but she says she uses them as recreational use ever weekend so it is no big deal and sometimes there for a while it was every darn day or every other day while she was doing this cabin story thing with me for a year. Long story... I don't understand it myself but whether it is every day, every other day or every weekend it is still a problem and affects her overall being and mental health. She don't see this because she don't want to stop. She has said this very clearly several times. You can not rationalize yourself on this crap. It is talking for you distorting your mind and messing with the plessure center of your brain and dopamine. She won't hardly make love to me unless she has it. Why is this? That makes me feel like crap too. She is 30 older than me and we have been together for 10 years so this has been an ongoing thing but I now know that I can't fix it. I miss that person that I knew long ago but really did she change or did I? Maybe this was always her and I am the one who grew.... or is trying so hard to find the answers for myself that way I can help myself grow more hopefully into my highest potentials in life. I love her with all my heart but I know that she don't want to be fixed and I can't fix her or help her. Love and LIght Jessica

yeah, very scarry.
i used meth for only two months (along with various other substances) and ended up in a hospital, where i had to stay for a few weeks. they had to put me on diffrent meds to try and level the chemicals in my brain back out.
this was last year.
currently im doing fine and am only taking two medications for this. but as i stated, i was only a short time user.
i cant imagine what it has done to her or what it did to my uncle. i know you love her, sometimes though, if you love them you do have to let them go. if they love you back, they will change their ways, seek help, and come back. you might just have to give her that ultimatium.
(this is only an opinion though)

Hi Jessica...
wow, you've got a lot of history with her, your feelings must cut very deep here. i hope I don't say anything untoward... feel free to ignore if I'm not helpful. (forgive any typoes, I'm having trouble with my keyboard.)

she's thirty years older than you? that's a lot... my husband was thirteen years older than me, and i know that age isn't always as important as the rest of the world thinks it is, but sometimes it can be important. Is it possible that, with that kind of an age gap, your relationship was based on a family dynamic of some sort? that she was in some sense mothering you, and that at that time in your life you needed that kind of care? You say that she's controlling, who is more controlling in your life ever than your mother or father... as small children they control everything, what you eat, where and when you sleep, what clothes you wear. Maybe ten years ago you needed the safety of that kind of relationship, and she was good for you. Maybe she needed to mother someone, and you were good for her.

But if you have changed, that is if you've become more confident in yourself as you've "grown up" so to speak, she may see this as a threat. she can't mother you anymore, so she's resorting to smothering you instead. perhaps she can't help it, but her irrational behaviour recently might be her way of trying to assert control. What better way to make you feel weak and dependant than persuading you that you have a mental health problem like DID? I'm not saying she's doing it deliberately, but she's doing it for a reason. Perhaps her desire to keep you close is the issue. Perhaps she's aware that your intimacy has changed (because of her drug addiction it would seem) and that's why she has to get high to be with you. She's frightened because your relationship is evolving. All relationships do, and it's quite possible for them to survive transitional periods, but for whatever reason she sees change as destruction... she thinks things are changing for the worse, so her defenses kick in and she starts to be manipulative. This must be very scary for you... and believe me, I know I could be way out of line, but does any of this sound likely to you?

I take it your daughter is pretty grown up... you've been with your partner for ten years, your daughter was born before then?

Who in "real life" do you have to talk to? I'm really glad that you journal. It really helps.

Hey There guys, Thanks for writing to me I sure do appreciate the comments and advice. First of all the meth does very well affect ones brain in a lot of ways and I am glad you are safe now. I love hearing stories about people getting their life back together and staying clean. It warms my heart and it is my wish for my partner really but one can only hope. I still carry that hope with me. Thank you....

Second, to answer the other question, No I don't have any real person to talk to besides my daughter, my partner, or myself. This seems to be the person I talk to most nowadays is me, myself, and I here. My mom is acting wierd because she and I go through these things of wierdness with one another. I came from a emotional screwed up childhood where I think I had to chase after my mothers love because one week she would be blaming me for her and my dad fighting and the next week she would apologize and buy me things to cheer me up. Money can't buy love but that is besides the point here. I lied more than one time for my mother because she threatened me with not being able to see my friends or her for that matter and I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway because of that fear of abondondment or however you may spell that word. I know I spelled it wrong. My words just flow sometimes..... My dad was the mellow one always tucking me in and talking to me while my mother never done these things that I always craved for her to do and my mother also had me believing that my Dad molested me from a young age but now I realize that she was putting doubt inside of my head. If she said that then maybe she done these things or thought about them herself because she is not right in the head sometimes but you know what she is my Mother and I still love her for that fact. I do believe some of what you said up there because we as humans put ourselves in situations and/or patterns of our enviornment. I can see clearly that I was looking for that motherly love and freindship that I felt I never got all around as a child. I put myself there because I wanted to be One with someone and share the ultimate love with them forever and for all eternity and have my own family because I never felt like I had much of one myself. My mother and father always were two faced and said things about me behind my back and my only safe place was Nanners house whom my mother also made me stay away from for a while while I was younger as well. She was like a grandmother figure to me whom lived across the street since I was a baby and died when I was 16. My grandparents all died when I was younger as well. My grandma died when I was 7. My grandpa died two weeks after me and my mom left and I was 12. My dads dad was dead before I was born and my dads mom I never really got to know all that well because of family drama. I made my own family because I feel like an outkast to my own and there is always alot more to these stories than what meets the naked eye but this is just some of what I am presenting to you now.

What you say does make absolute sense to me on the inside because I have thought this over many many times with myself. I wish I were stronger than what I am now but sometimes I am scared and we live in a scarey place nowadays but to me when I see that love spark in my lovers eyes I start thinking of all the memories again and wonder why I feel the feelings that I do inside of me. I find myself crying, screaming, one time scratching myself just to prove something to someone, on the floor then telling myself to get up I am worth more than this and mad then calming myself down again then starting all back up all over. It is a cycle. A rollar coster like my childhood but this was suppose to be my love, my life, my foundation, and my family... I do know one thing now though and that is that I have grown to know me more on the inside and I love that person for who she is and try to no put her down anymore because she is so much more better than that now. I know this this is why I come in here and sing when I feel sad, hurt, mad, betrayed, or what have you. It helps put me in a better mood... Thanks for listening and you have been a great help and don't worry about ofending me because I love advice no matter if it is something I might not like to hear or not and don't get me wrong I love my wife with all of my heart and soul but sometimes I feel like I don't exsist to her in her world when I talk. I wish she could really see me for who I am on the inside, that girl she met so many years ago in winterhaven california. She is still there and she does exsist in my world with me, by me, and for me. She is me--- To bad she don't she that person like I do... Love and LIght to all... Jessica Bond Detrick