[emptybee15]

When I met my boyfriend, he told me he had 4 kids. Fine, two are grown already so I figured I could handle that. He also casually mentioned that there are a few other kids that he "looks out for". So, after like 9 months later, he tells me that he's letting the daughter of his ex move in his house because her mother is a piece of **** that has no clue how to parent or pay her ****ing rent (my words, not his, but that is the reason) and he promised she wouldn't be around long.

It's been 5 months and the ***** is still in his house. She works, but she gives money to her mom which she ****s over, she supports her sorry *** boyfriend that doesn't work, she's not saving any money to leave and she has no plan.

I told my boyfriend that I don't appreciate this, he won't do anything and just tells me to deal with it. Since he didn't tell me about her from the beginning, I'm not accepting her as a part of my life. I want her away from me, but he won't budge. He says he's going to tell her something has to give by Jan. 1st, but I don't believe him.

So, how should I handle this? Any advice is appreciated.

[lad007]

Sounds like your really angry about this. How can you refuse to accept someone he considers a daughter to not be part of your life? Sorry I don't understand that.
Why do you expect him to send someone away that is an important part of his life?
Why are you trying to control him so much by telling him who to live with?

[emptybee15]

If she was that important he should have mentioned her from the get go and let me decide if I want to deal with it or not. That's something that shouldn't be a surprise. "Hey, remember when I told you I had 4 kids, well guess what? I have 8, so, deal with it." That's not cool. Also, don't tell me she won't be here long and renig on that too. He can do what he wants, but I should have been told. All this could have been avoided if he told me from the beginning. I could have chosen to deal or not.

[emptybee15]

I'm on here, so obviously there are mental things that make me unable to deal with certain ****. That's why I ask how many kids someone has. Don't spring s**t like that on me. I can't deal, so, he springs that on me, deal with this attitude I'm going to unleash on you sir. I still don't see how I'm wrong for not wanting to deal with this. If it were his children or a family member, I wouldn't even have a problem.

Can anyone explain better?

[lostnbroken]

Hi, I just wanted to share my opinion with you, I hope you don't mind. If I were you, I would get out of that relationship ASAP! This guy sounds like a real piece of work. If he was hiding the fact that he has all these kids, what else is he hiding from you? Not only that, but if he has so many kids, he sounds like he's very selfish and irresponsible, especially if he "forgot" to mention this child to you! I suspect that he doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, I'm only assuming, so I apologize if I'm wrong. But please, take it from me, I've been through abusive relationships, and it's not worth it. You can find someone who will care about you and respect you. Take care, and you can write to me anytime

[kaliope]

Emptybee
your feelings are completely valid. he was dishonest with you from the start. had he told you from the beginning, just as you said, you could have factored that into your choice as to whether this was a relationship you were willing to take on. springing an additional unknown child into the family is a stressor on any relationship, this one intensified by the fact that your partner was dishonest with you initially. complicating matters more is the fact that he is putting this seemingly adult (?) child before you and minimizing your feelings about the situation.

it seems that you have two options. you find a way to accept the child or make the choice of leaving yourself. difficult choices.

good luck.

[emptybee15]

Thank you guys for your advice. I knew I wasn't wrong in feeling how I felt about it being sprung on me.

She's not his REAL child, but if he treats her as one, he should have told me, bottome line and my feelings should be considered.

He said he finally had the talk with her about being out by Jan. 1st...which is only a month away, so, I'll leave it alone until then. In January, if I get the same bulls**t, I'm gonna tell him I'm leaving until she does and he better hope he isn't replaced by then. I'm done with the situation.

[ledz]

.Good afternoon young lady I have an idea that will fix all your problems.(Trying to keep it lite) Tell your boyfriend that your new friend Tom is bringing some DVD's over tonight and you and I are going to have a relaxing evening on the couch watching movies and maybe feed each other Chocolate.. OK NEXT! You simply have to be firm to him and her about your expectations. Be firm without attitude, You have right's that supercede her's for sure. Him I don't know. Was this your place before friending him? If so be kind... even more generous but set a g*****m deadline on her *****. Be nice and if he doesn't like it give both of them an eviction notice. I know you don't want trouble. This might be unavoidable if you insist on having your peace of mind back. I'll support your mind. T

Originally Posted by emptybee15

When I met my boyfriend, he told me he had 4 kids. Fine, two are grown already so I figured I could handle that. He also casually mentioned that there are a few other kids that he "looks out for". So, after like 9 months later, he tells me that he's letting the daughter of his ex move in his house because her mother is a piece of **** that has no clue how to parent or pay her ****ing rent (my words, not his, but that is the reason) and he promised she wouldn't be around long.

It's been 5 months and the ***** is still in his house. She works, but she gives money to her mom which she ****s over, she supports her sorry *** boyfriend that doesn't work, she's not saving any money to leave and she has no plan.

I told my boyfriend that I don't appreciate this, he won't do anything and just tells me to deal with it. Since he didn't tell me about her from the beginning, I'm not accepting her as a part of my life. I want her away from me, but he won't budge. He says he's going to tell her something has to give by Jan. 1st, but I don't believe him.

So, how should I handle this? Any advice is appreciated.

[ledz]

Originally Posted by emptybee15

I'm on here, so obviously there are mental things that make me unable to deal with certain ****. That's why I ask how many kids someone has. Don't spring s**t like that on me. I can't deal, so, he springs that on me, deal with this attitude I'm going to unleash on you sir. I still don't see how I'm wrong for not wanting to deal with this. If it were his children or a family member, I wouldn't even have a problem.

Can anyone explain better?

Hey FULLTANK! I'm on here and there's nothing obvious about my mental state. I hope. I've never been a patient... not on meds and and I'll say the darndest things on here. I wouldn't let anyone think for a sec that my thinking is skewed. Neither should you. You are 100% correct in your "reaction" to the news of this precious thing no one ever heard of suddenly becoming a family member. Just try and smile a little more when you use the cattle prod on the both of them Please,there is no reason not to be kind and it will make a difference! Be F*****g great! Ledz

[ledz]

Originally Posted by lostnbroken

Hi, I just wanted to share my opinion with you, I hope you don't mind. If I were you, I would get out of that relationship ASAP! This guy sounds like a real piece of work. If he was hiding the fact that he has all these kids, what else is he hiding from you? Not only that, but if he has so many kids, he sounds like he's very selfish and irresponsible, especially if he "forgot" to mention this child to you! I suspect that he doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, I'm only assuming, so I apologize if I'm wrong. But please, take it from me, I've been through abusive relationships, and it's not worth it. You can find someone who will care about you and respect you. Take care, and you can write to me anytime

Ledz; Well said lostnbroken! Yes, she does need compassion. WE all do. Thank you for showing the way. I also am here in support. How could anybody let her get on empty. What a shame.

[emptybee15]

Ledz is my PC boyfriend, lol! Thanks for your kind words as always!

[Perna]

Originally Posted by emptybee15

I told my boyfriend that I don't appreciate this, he won't do anything and just tells me to deal with it. Since he didn't tell me about her from the beginning, I'm not accepting her as a part of my life. I want her away from me, but he won't budge. He says he's going to tell her something has to give by Jan. 1st, but I don't believe him.

So, how should I handle this? Any advice is appreciated.

You can only control your own behavior. You made your statement ("I don't like it/it's an imposition on me") and you have to back it up with your action (move out, shoot her etc.). I would reiterate to your boyfriend your choice of action that will take place Sunday, January 8 (give her a week to move out from having been told to leave) if she is not out of there; not just told, "something has to give", but out. And I would start looking for a place for myself; it's the classic, "her or me". If it is his place, he can have whoever he wants there but you don't have to be there if you don't like the company he keeps!

[ledz]

Hey emptybee15 can we get an update?