[Mordecaii]

I'm so insane. My fiance bought me wonderful gifts for valentines day . Wants to make today so special for me. But he got his sister a present and im in here crying . jealous. im sick . i feel so disgusted with my behavior. I hate myself. I dont understand whats wrong with me and why i act that way .. hes all i have . i dont have any family . i dont have any friends. i dont even have a life of my own i moved here to be with him and i have nothing other then him. and when he loves other people it breaks my heart because i dont love anyone else but him. it makes me feel like because he gave some girls in his family gifts it makes me less important and as he's loving his family he has less love to give me.

[Callmebj]

Mordecaii, love does not work like that..it a reservoir that flows and does not run out.
You must understand that you cannot expect him to detach from loved ones in his life.
If you do this possessiveness thing with him, you likely will drive him away. No one
can feel free in a relationship when their partner is somehow trying to isolate them from everyone else they know. Loosen your reins here and know his love is different and precious just for you...and the love he shares with others is family/friend love.

You must do your best to KNOW that you are a worthy person, and love yourself also.
Be kind to yourself and stop denigrating who you are. Your feelings for yourself is VERY important. Having your feeling/thoughts of being a good, worthwhile person within yourself will make for a happier relationship for you both.
hugs, bj

[gma45]

Don't worry I am sure his heart is big enough for more than one love. You can't think that he is not going to care for his sister. Really? You should be thankful and do something nice for him. Don't push him away he love's you. Hope you day gets better!

[lynn P.]

The fact your fiance bought his sister a gift too, means he must be a considerate nice man - this is a wonderful thing to do for her. Try to live in the moment today and appreciate his thoughtfulness for you, his sister and family. Have a wonderful day.

[Mordecaii]

Thankyou those are all encouraging words, but with all do respect i know everything you've just told me, i need to love myself, hes a great man with a huge heart and wants happiness for everyone, and i shouldn't have him detach from his family . but thats where my issue lies i cannot help it. i dont know how to stop acting and feeling this way .

[*freak*]

Mordecaii, what you're feeling doesn't make you disgusting or pathetic. I understand it and I relate to it to a certain extent, because it reminds me of certain feelings / behaviours I had when I was younger. It was a form of insecurity in my case (I had to be the only one because I couldn't bear the thought of someone else's "threat" to take my friend away from me). Unfortunately it doesn't work that way as you know and I had to deal with those feelings once I realized what was behind them and why they were wrong. I would really like to be of more help, but I don't know your story and I wouldn't know how to advise you. Do you have a therapist? Addressing these issues in therapy would be beneficial both to you and your partner.
if ok. Know you're not alone.

[Mordecaii]

No, i dont have a therapist . i cant afford it, thats kind of why im here . for support and advice . i really dont want my relationship to suffer. which right now its not. we're as happy as can be together. hes a little controlling not crazy like me. just a little jealous. so he understands where im coming from . hes very patient with me and he loves me very much . he understand that what im battling is inside me . i just want help for his sake. and for the sake of our relationship because i'd never want to loose him . we try and work on it together but its not enough .

[Callmebj]

Originally Posted by Mordecaii

Thankyou those are all encouraging words, but with all do respect i know everything you've just told me, i need to love myself, hes a great man with a huge heart and wants happiness for everyone, and i shouldn't have him detach from his family . but thats where my issue lies i cannot help it. i dont know how to stop acting and feeling this way .

Feelings are just that, feelings! They are okay to have and for you to accept them...but acting on them, as you said above is, another story. Especially if you are alienating other people, it would not be conduct becoming of a young woman who wants to be accepted by bf's family.
bj

[Mordecaii]

Originally Posted by Callmebj

Feelings are just that, feelings! They are okay to have and for you to accept them...but acting on them, as you said above is, another story. Especially if you are alienating other people, it would not be conduct becoming of a young woman who wants to be accepted by bf's family.
bj

How do i stop acting on them.? There really so overwhelming , I cry and sometimes even self injure until i feel better or he reassures me that im the only one he cares about.I dont know if i could ever contain those feelings.They put me in a panic . And it just hurts, i hurt so bad,

[Callmebj]

Originally Posted by Mordecaii

How do i stop acting on them.? There really so overwhelming , I cry and sometimes even self injure until i feel better or he reassures me that im the only one he cares about.I dont know if i could ever contain those feelings.They put me in a panic . And it just hurts, i hurt so bad,

Hi, I think you may have some issues of abandonment in your past. I think until you really address those feelings you will need lots of reassurance from the people you care about. That will wearing on your bf over time or for that matter other's in your life. Since you have a computer, you might search some on the psychology about the after affects of feeling abandoned. I will also do a search for you and send you the links that I find before long. Take care sweetie, and know with understanding comes some healing. hugs, bj

[Callmebj]

Mordicaii, Here are some links that might be of some help to you. See if these might have a bearing on the way you are feeling. Hope they help.

understanding_fear_of_abandonment.aspx?gclid=CLCt5Z6po64CFQReTAodIRTbPw&trans=1&du=1&ef_id=FWFPP

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...in-abandonment

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/attachmen...andonment.html

[Jan1212]

I experienced something similar recently. Ok, I am afraid of my partner leaving me, but he just wanted to check out his best bud's new place, I had a really bad panic moment-I wanted him with ME, not HIS FRIEND. I think I'm right, but he doesn't. my feelings turned into impulsiveness and I tried to harm myself, then I backed off..and I got really mad at him for doing this to me. It's almost like I wasn't in my state of mind, is that how you kinda feel?

Thanks for the fear of abandonment article.. I read it.. My parents were never there for me, I believed I did not get love until I met my partner, I find myself too clingy.but I always tell myself I have boundaries I just cannot cross, I need the structure and control in my life, I tell myself I don't need to be totally dependent on him so I can be happy.. I know he loves me.. When I start to get mad, I tell myself "this isn't a big deal as I think it is...don't blow it up..dont mess it up again"

[Mordecaii]

Originally Posted by Callmebj

Mordicaii, Here are some links that might be of some help to you. See if these might have a bearing on the way you are feeling. Hope they help.

understanding_fear_of_abandonment.aspx?gclid=CLCt5Z6po64CFQReTAodIRTbPw&trans=1&du=1&ef_id=FWFPP

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...in-abandonment

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/attachmen...andonment.html

Thankyou so much ! that is why i am that way about his family .. I don't have a family . anyone but him . So its hard for me to share him . When im not with him or he's giving someone else attention . i am literally sitting on my bed waiting for him to be done. I have nothing and no one. All day while hes at school . i wait for him to come home. whenever he has to get up to go do something. i wait for him hes all i have because my family abandon me.. you couldn't call them much of a family .. but i dont have anyone. so i moved out of my home state to be with him . so i know no one here. no friends. im working on getting a job . maybe that could help my loneliness, depression, my depending on him and my clingy-ness . There so much to my story i feel like no one could ever completely understand me or help me fix me . theres just many layers of pain , its hard to get to the root of it all and try to fix it.

[Callmebj]

Mordecaii, being in a strange place and not having friends would be a big downer for anyone. Getting a job and being around other people, making friends is a good healthy thing for you to do. I hope you will get to that very soon for your good and your bf.
Hugs, bj

[Mordecaii]

Originally Posted by Callmebj

Mordecaii, being in a strange place and not having friends would be a big downer for anyone. Getting a job and being around other people, making friends is a good healthy thing for you to do. I hope you will get to that very soon for your good and your bf.
Hugs, bj

Thank you so much you've been such a big help to me. <3

[Callmebj]

You are welcome.hugs, bj