[kyle2]

Ok... so ya i've posted on here but i forgot my password, and i don't know my password to the email i signed up with so i'm screwed so i've opened up a new account.

Anyways i am a bisexual guy... and i'm 17... and there is a guy i work with who i have a major thing for... and iunno if he is like me, or if hes gay or anything. I don't know how to ask him if he is or not, and i don't wanna lose his friendship if he isn't. How would i go about doing this? Oh and also not many people know that i'm bi

[jennie]

my brother (gay) said that you don't go for guys who are in the closet because it'll just make you cry. he also said that body language will tell you if he is interested in you or not, however, most men won't admit to being attracted to you if they aren't open with their sexuality.

<font color=purple> Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth. Jean-Paul Sartre </font color=purple>

[dexter]

That, my friend, is the sixty four thousand dollar question, isn't it now? (that is, the "I don't know how to ask him if he is or not, and i don't wanna lose his friendship if he isn't" thing, not the "i forgot my password" part, that is a "dime a dozen" question).

At some point you will have to make a difficult decision. Huge stakes because I understand not wanting to lose a friend. It is possible but not certain that even if he isn't gay, he may not have a problem still being your friend.

On the other hand, if you never take that risk, you'll never get anywhere. Like the saying goes: Don't die wondering

Use your best judgement. Wish there were some easy and reliable way to tell. Like on that old Murphy Brown episode, find out if he reads Architechural Digest, or tell him he has something on the bottom of his shoes.

I hope things work out well for you. You are very young so if this doesn't work out don't fret. In addition to trying to figure out how he will react, also make sure that you are ready. In case things go bad, make sure you have the emotional support to make sure it doesn't hurt so much that you won't want to try again in the future.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[kvinneakt]

Gay men have long thought me one, too. I recall the first gay pass. I was at work in a secluded room and one of my co-workers simply came up to me and whispered in my ear " I want to **** your ****" Whoa! What a shock that was! He ended up being a great friend and roommate. Sadly, this was in San Francisco in the early 70's bath house glory days. My friend has long ago died of AIDS.

What's the point? You can be pretty blunt, and it may work out. Or it may not. It is probably best to be mighty careful. There are a lot of gay bashers out there!

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>

[dexter]

Also don't forget to consider that if you take the chance and it doesn't go well, not only may it impair your friendship, but will you still be able to work together? That may be an added stress point.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[kyle2]

Ya so i decided that there is no point to me having feelings for this guy anymore. I don't even know if hes bi, and i'm too afraid to ask. We aren't really friends outside of work, so that won't be affected. I don't want to make out working relationship worse, and i don't wanna be stuck on him. I'm sick of wanting something un-attainable, so now i'm not bisexual anymore. I'm not anything, not straight, not gay.... nothing. I don't want anyone, anything. I want to be left alone. I don't understand my own mind, some days i swear i'm gay, others i'm straight, forget it all, i don't need this. Why does it have to be so hard. I guess its because i'm 17 right? its my hormones right? ya... thats the problem.... hormones....

[maryjane]

Hi Kyle, I know you think that you are all messed up and that but when I was reading your email, I thought wow waht an open upfront guy. The thing is its hard to judge whether someone is interested in work but taking body language as a sign is good advice. You are seventeen and open about waht you are. I am 29 years old and going through a very difficult time, I have just come out ofarelationship beleiving I am totally gay but I have other issues too.Like I have been in therapy, told I have a personality disorder, now I get anxiety attacks and feel quite lost. I think now I am bi as I stillfind men attractive but who will have me being so broken, I am so scared as I went down big time three years ago and now I am showing similar symtoms. Keep being upfront Kyle and practice what you preach you are only seventeen I am 29 and have kept this [censored] inside for so long I am finding it hard to find myself in all this confusion.

[LadyDragus]

you know sweetie being confused sometimes never goes away.. What you do need to do is find a good thearpist that you can talk to.. When I was your age, I was bi-sexuall and I still am at my lovely age..

LIking some one in the same sex is a very diffuclt thing for anyone to handle it is something you have to truly want, and somethin you are want for the rest of your life. If you like men and ladies. then hey go for it.
What you want to do is something you need to do some "soulsearching" on, for only you can make up your own mind. not a good looking guy, not a good looking female Only you can do that for yourslef..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[kyle2]

I only have one word to say.... frustrated...

I just can't seem to be able to figure this out. I know its not a bad thing, and quite a few people know this about me... no guys tho. I'm afraid of being judged, of being "shunned". All i want is to be happy with whoever i end up with.

[jennie]

kyle...ditto on what Lady Dragus said.
"know thyself"

<font color=purple> Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth. Jean-Paul Sartre </font color=purple>

[jennie]

kyle, i've been through a similar identity crisis. happiness is first obtained through being honest with yourself. when you make your decision, you are risking to "feel." feelings aren't bad to have. it makes you human. make your mistakes and learn WHO YOU ARE. you aren't so different than the rest of us. enjoy the JOURNEY you are on; don't give up!

<font color=purple> Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth. Jean-Paul Sartre </font color=purple>

The others said it all real well, not much I can add but body language is a clue IF you have enough social experience to pick up on subtle clues which at your age you probably don't have yet.
Some possible signs might be of some clue- the fellow doesn't talk about girls or dates, doesn't have a girlie calendar on the wall, he may like what you could consider feminine things.

The real safe way to "ask" without asking would be to start a conversation with him in private and then maybe work-in something like bringing up a recent news story or letter-to-the -editor like;

"Hey, I read this story the other day in the paper about that gay marriage thing, isn't THAT something! I don't really care what people do in private or who the marry you know?"

If he says something like "Oh man those F****'s are just CRUD and should be shot!

Then you get out of the conversation real graceful!

But if he says something like;

"Yeah that's real cool, I think gays SHOULD marry, heck my brother is gay"

Then you have a shot at working the conversation

[krzyk101]

Kyle2,

It is really hard to come out, especially at your age, I was 17 when I let any one know about my sexuality. I'm 31 now and I still don't know what I am. I just said forget it I just wont be with either one. I'm kind of lost for words as I have just Out'd my self here and now on the forum. I know from experience, if you do get in a relationship, with a female or male it is best to be honest, from the start. I'm sure sooner or later you will find the right one, but looking back in 17, I guess I was more hormone drivin' . I know I battle everyday inside my head over what I want, or what I am, at times it drives me crazy. If your active with either sex, make sure to practice safe sex.

hope you figure it out
KRZYKRIS

KRZYKRIS

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[kyle2]

Well he tells me that he hasn't gotten anything from a girl in 4 months because he wants to be "respectable" amd he tells me that he was at a party and a girl started to get "frisky" with him, and he pulled her head off his crotch and told her that he just wanted to be friends.... there are some things he says that makes me think hes gay, and others that make me think hes straight... the other day i didn't think he was bi, i thought he was totally gay, and i was about to ask him if he was... but i missed the opportunity.

[dexter]

kyle2 you are right. hormones and confusion are part of the territory. it is so much worse when there is confusion about your sexuality (don't be fooled though, lots of people have confusion about their sexuality they just try to deny it)

It took me a long time to "come to terms" with the fact that i'm gay. for a very long time i kept "hoping" i was wrong and that i would end up not attracted to anyone (attraction to girls never seemed an option to me)

thing to remember though, you are young and it is not like you have to "declare a major". It is ok to be confused and to keep changing your mind.

don't get too hung up on trying to put a label on yourself. take each day as it comes. other than protecting yourself emotionally and being safe physically it is fine to just take it easy and explore and try to figure out who you are.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[kyle2]

I was uhhh.... gay in grade 8, then i realized in grade 9 that i was bi... and have been that way for 4 years now. I still remember the first time i realized i was different... a guy named Trevor... hes still fine to this day, and i will always have a thing for him.

[LadyDragus]

yes that can be hard.
Trust me I know excatly where you are coming from.. When I first even brouched the subject with my ex-husband.. He hated the idea. till he met one of my "girl" firnds and went head over hills..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[kvinneakt]

This idea may be dumb, but seems safe and might help.

Why not create a bogus email address on yahoo or hotmail and email him a "I have a crush on you" letter?

You know, I think there are whole web sites designed for this.

My brain is not up to thinking thru the pros and cons of this.

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>

[kyle2]

I think what i have to do is just bring up the subject, i have been talking about it slightly lately, and yesterday i told him that there is nothing wrong with being gay, and he didn't say anything to that. So i think what i have to do is just ask him... i just gotta work up the courage. I like him A LOT!

I've been thinking a bit about this thread and thought I should bring up one small nagging item, and I could be wrong about this, but it concerns the possible grey area in the legal issue of discussing what could look like or be considered sexual matters with a minor under the age of 18 when no one in this thread is someone who would be licensed or whatever- like the teen's therapist, doctor or parent. I could see a potential for trouble where parents could claim people HERE helped lead or caused their son/daughter etc to go down a path they don't agree with and strongly object to.

So far I don't really see any problem with specific posts, just that language used and specifics are probably a good idea to review before actually posting.

[krzyk101]

Uh, well not being a "lisenced or whatever" lawyer, and not being a "Lisenced or whatever" Therapist, Doctor or any health care professional, am wondering why you felt the need to make this post especially since the thread's author hasn't posted his or her self. I believe that being gay or bisexual was declared to not be a mental illness, quite some time ago.

I do not see anything as far as language being covered by **** and I found 2 one of which was your own. I don't know the legality of someone who has made no claim as to be a lisenced or professional, giving a teenager advice.

Would it be a legal concern if the 17year old was in a heterosexual relationship, or would that just seem more normal?

GOD BLESS THE USA

KRZYKRIS

KRZYKRIS

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

krzykris said;

"am wondering why you felt the need to make this post"

So far now this is the SECOND post in which you question WHY I am posting!! Maybe I should ask why you are following up MY posts in two different forums now? This is a big board, find someone else's posts to question why the writer is posting.

Maybe I need to be clearer- there are laws, including the wild and wacky in the USA (I don't know where you are) regarding even simply discussing sexual matters with minors when you are not their parent, or their family doctor, nurse, psychiatrist etc. The latter would of course be licensed and are a medical professional who are not generally subject to those laws like the general public is but they have to follow medical ethics guidelines.

It doesn't matter what form of sexuality you are speaking of, ANY sexual content/discussion with a minor can come under those laws. The USA is real paranoid now about any hint of "pedophilia" or "corrupting a minor's morals"
As a minor is usually always under their parent's control, if the parents of a minor were to find say, adult people on a forum helping their 15 year old daughter towards ANY sexual direction let alone lesbianism, and they were upset and objected to this as most would, I think there would be a legal problem there and the first place they would look to is the operators of the forum involved and those involved in the actual discussion.

"Would it be a legal concern if the 17year old was in a heterosexual relationship, or would that just seem more normal?"

It STILL would be a legal concern, it's not the type of relationship it is the SUBJECT and content. This has even been the case in some schools.

You are right, I did post but then later I started thinking about the potential issues. It is probably fine so far, I just brought up the issue because it's a grey area and real easy to cross the line, 17 is still minor but if the person is a minor and asking about using "toys" and people posted links of where to buy them, or described how they are used then you have a big legal problem.

Here is one small example of a law in California, I don't how this applies but the language of "communicating with a minor for immoral purposes" covers a lot of grey area and could cover a lot more if parents of a minor were so upset they demanded something be done;

"Attorney General Christine Gregoire sponsored a bill that sailed through the Legislature this session that will make it easier to catch adults trolling the Internet for minors. With the new law, suspects can be charged and convicted of "communicating with a minor for immoral purposes" -- even if the "minor" is really an undercover cop. "

[krzyk101]

OK, I HAVE NO TIME OR ROOM FOR HATE
I HEARBY DECLARE THAT YOU HAVE THE LAST WORD. I WILL NOT REPLY TO YOUR POSTS
I WISH NOTHING BUT GOODNESS AND KINDNESS TO COME YOUR WAY.

KRZYKRIS

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

I don't need the "last word," just quit questioning WHY I post what, where, every time you reply to one of my posts! READ the post or don't I don't care, but don't half read it and then ask WHY I posted or why I posted in a particular folder!

Add to the discussion or comment on the issues contained in it, but don't start a reply with; "Why are you posting this?"

It's real annoying!

[kyle2]

hey there guys take it easy, i didn't start this post to get into a legal issue, i started it to get help on asking a guy i like if hes interested in men. I'm 17 years old, no word you put on here will offend me, as i've heard them all before. My parents don't even know about this website, but i do think that they have an idea that i'm bi. As for the US law thing.... well i'm canadian so isn't that just peachy. Just relax and remember why you came here please. (i don't mean to sound selfish or anything if i do)

oh.... by the way... merry christmas (if that doesn't offend anyone)