At my last two jobs, I have been mistreated terribly by management and coworkers for long periods of time. Finally, I fought back by yelling objections to the prolonged mis-treatment. Now, though I have never threatened anyone or struck anyone or tried to strike someone, I have been labeled as a danger when job references are requested by my past employers and no one will hire me. Further, I am not in a mental state to fight back legally. I am suffering from PTSD and complex-PTSD. I don't believe I will prevail if I fight back. And, emotionally, I am not up to fighting back as I have PTSD issues when I try to sit down and write it out.

So, I am a victim for having suffered through these ordeals and for not fighting back. Now, no one will hire me. I have never harmed anyone. I have had the misfortune of working for sharks back-to-back. I do not know how I can motivate myself to fight back. I hate my life. I have hated it for many years. I try to be a nice guy but have issues and burn out quickly. I always end up on the losing side. Today, I was told that I have lost self-confidence. But, it's more than that. My life is not worth fighting for. I hate it.

Can this be fixed? If so, where do I start?

Actually, there are ways around the law. A prospective employer can ask a prior employer, "would you hire this person again?" I am dealing with situations where I worked for psychopaths who have destroyed the careers of several people. And, you have bullied me. In many ways, I have been bullied my entire life. Despite my best efforts, I fit in no where. I would like to file complaints with the authorities but I have difficulty writing about what happened. My thoughts are all over the place and the thoughts trigger my PTSD. I would like to just forget about it but can't because I can't find a job - no one will hire me even though I am a very good worker and a nice person. I am not socially sophisticated. I don't think I ever will be. I just don't seem to have a feel for it. I've had therapy but it doesn't seem to help much.

[Leed]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. There ARE rotten people out there who are impossible to work for, and who seem to enjoy tormenting others.

I'm also sorry that therapy wasn't helpful for you but perhaps you just didn't have the right therapist. I've had therapy off and on most of my adult life, and there were several times I had to switch therapists cause I just didn't "click" with the one I was seeing. Why not try another one and KEEP trying until you find one that you can really relate to? Therapy CAN be a life-saver! It's done me a world of good. I was dealing with an emotionally & psychologically abusive husband and my therapist helped me stop my now-ex from abusing me anymore! So you CAN get great results from therapy

I wish you the very best! Stay strong & God bless. Hugs, Lee

Thanks, Lee. I don't know. I've had therapists give up on me and other turn me away saying they can't help. I once had a therapist ask me how I am still alive because, with my issues, I should be an addict of some kind or dead. (And, I am not and never have been a drug user or sex addict.) I dread starting over with another therapist.

[Perna]

I don't think complaining would work as you could not really prove anything and just thinking about it is hard for you.

Have you thought about working in another field, doing something different? It does not sound like the field you were in was very friendly? (That's what I feel about working for lawyers.) The job situation is changing pretty fast as to what people are doing for a living; wasn't like this when I started out 40 years ago.

Thanks, Perna. I have started drafting a complaint with the attorney general's office about a former employer who has called at least one former employer of mine asking that they no longer provide me with references (which is illegal). This employer harassed me for all 19 months that i worked there, including sexual harassment, until i developed PTSD and had a breakdown after a coworker who was non-management insulted me.

A second employer saddled me with an impossible job that stressed me out and one day i complained to a coworker. it was overheard by someone who reported it to management. that's when the harassment started. it went on for months. my PTSD returned and i started losing sleep. one day, my manager planned a situation and it resulted in a panic attack. i was blamed for a missing letter that was on my manager's desk all the time. (i had told her 3 times that's where it was.) they claim my panic attack made me look dangerous and that i was a physical threat. (i never threatened or harmed anyone.) now they tell all prospective employers that i am a threat to women. but, the fact is, i am a victim.

as for switching careers, i am in my mid-50's with only a 2-year college degree and average computer skills. i suffer from a mild form of epilepsy and bad feet that do not permit me to stand for long. it's going to be very difficult to change careers. counsellors want me to become an administrative assistant but nowadays that position requires a 4-year degree and employers mostly want someone much younger than me. also, i just don't have much enthusiasm for admin assistant jobs. i don't know what i am going to do. hopefully, i will find something. i have to get out of my doldrums and send out more resumes and cross my fingers. i hope i am up to that. since i started my new anti-seizure medication, i have not been up to it since it makes me drowsy and affects my moods (including the good ones).

[shezbut]

Hey, unhappyguy,

Are you in the States? Are you on SSI for your E?

http://www.indeed.com/Workforce

I think that Workforce centers are a federal program built to help people get back into jobs that they can do, enjoy doing, and have some success. Since I'm SSI, I was awarded counseling and an assistant of sorts to give me feedback and come with me to job interviews.

You may want to try looking into that option. I didn't get a full-time job, which was the big goal for Workforce center. To get me off SSI. But, I'm unable to handle working full-time without losing control of my E and my emotions. The 15 hours per week works pretty well for me. Not a big financial difference, since my SSI benefits have gone down, but I do feel better working somewhat.

Gentle hugs to you ~ hope this helps!

thanks, Shezbut. i have done the workforce program and have gotten very few replies to my resume. i am also doing the VESID program to help build up my self confidence. (i'm not having a lot of success there.) the counsellors want me to change careers. i will try sending out some resumes today. turns out, between changing anti-seizure meds and trying new jobs and temping and having medical problems, they deemed that i was trying too hard and suggested i take a break, get the med thing corrected and heal the body a bit before looking again. i have applied for SSDI and have submitted the required paperwork and had both physical and mental examinations. in the middle of all of this, i required emergency dental work. so, i've been trying a lot and trying to take care of myself physically to get and stay healthy. (i need regular exercise to keep weight off and to prevent becoming diabetic.) hopefully, all of this will pay off eventually. hopefully . . . because despite all this effort, i am very, very depressed.

[Open Eyes]

((((unhappyguy)))),

I am sorry to hear you are still struggling my friend. I DO think that the advice for you to stay away from the legal atmosphere is good advice. I also know that with PTSD it can be very hard to think about what one wants to do and even have drive to move forward in SOME kind of direction. I think it is the nature of the disorder itself.
I know that with everything I have been dealing with, it has put a tremendous strain on my PTSD too.

As far a therapist is concerned, they have a limit to their ability to help as they can't tell us what kind of job to pick or how to get out of financial difficulty. Their job is to help us HELP ourselves. The bottom line is that WE have to do the work, and I know it is a challenge with the lack of direction that comes with PTSD.

I am REALLY sorry that you are in many ways still being harassed by the cruel employers from your past. I can relate to how that feels, though my situation is a little different, the emotional strain is the same. I do get very frustrated and angy about that as well, so I understand where you are coming from.

Well, what to do about somehow setting that all aside and find your way to thriving.
That is what a therapist is there for unhappyguy. Any therapist will lean toward trying to help you let go of that somehow and to focus on continuing to find your way forward. And I know that is a daunting task, I deal with that myself and I admit that in many ways I still feel somewhat lost. In my own recovery, I am just entering the stage of grieving and my therapist has told me that each of us is different in the length of time it takes to move through the stages. And in your case, even my case, it often feels like we are in limbo because a trama is still looming.

Somehow, you have to try to forget your age and turn your focus on what you have that you CAN do. And I can see that you have been trying to do that by taking courses in restructuring your approach to the employment field. I know you are trying and it hasn't been easy. Maybe you should investigate SSDI as you DO have a diagnosis and it IS known that PTSD is a challenge when it comes to being able to work and maintain being gamefully employed.

Personally, I often wonder if the PTSD I deal with would be easier to focus on and work through if I wasn't constantly reminded of the bad situation that presented the condition to begin with. And yes, I am still trapped in that, and struggling along.

With your diagnosis of epilepsy as well, that is another challenge and I think it may be time to evaluate if filing for SSDI would be the best option right now. I understand that the medication for that is making it harder as I was on Klonopin for a while which is a medication also used for epilepsy and I struggled on that medication as well, and felt just like you are discribing here. And I also think you should investigate if the medication you are taking for the epilepsy interupts with being able to produce serotonin as well. I have just found out that Klonopin seems to interupt with this process, Ugh, no wonder I was often so depressed on it. You may need additional medication that makes up for that if your medication does in fact affect that. As you know, we have to stay on top of our own health and be our own advocates. Wow, I have I learned that in spades.

unhappyguy, you are a good person, who, unfortunately got tangled up with a bunch of sharks that don't care about anyone but themselves. And these types of toxic entities have a very good source of knowledge in how to protect and defend their toxic behavior patterns. You truely deserve to find a way to distance yourself completely from them and move on. Your priority is to find some kind of SAFE lifestyle where you can focus on your own sense of psychological health that is away from any continuation of battling with these toxic type people. And if you DO work towards that goal, even if with all your physical issues, requires you to seek SSDI, then you should pursue that WITHOUT guilt or feeling that you are in anyway a failure. You simply have to do whatever you need to do to ensure YOUR sense of safety and psychological well being.

((((Hugs and support for you to give yourself permission to do what is necessary to take care of YOU)))))
Open Eyes

i have filed for SSDI. my application is pending. i am not too optimistic about it. everyday, i say i have to get some resumes out but it doesn't happen. my confidence is not there. i guess my tormentors have won.

[Open Eyes]

((((unhappyguy))))),

No, your tormentors have not won, they only have a ticket to hell and sent out a bomerange of bad Karma. That is definitely the PTSD talking, I know it well because I get that way myself. Give the application for SSDI a chance too, I hope you listed all your physical and psychological challenges.

As far as employment is concerned, remember, with the economy it is a bigger challenge and you are not alone in struggling to find work. I am impressed that you HAVE been reaching out for the programs that are helpful and teach job search skills.
Though I know you are feeling depressed right now, keep making efforts, even if you only send out one resume. Remember that you will only find something if you keep dabbling in the search and try very hard to have an open mind. Believe me, I know the struggle with feeling down and hopeless often, me too. I have bad days and better days and I just keep trying and praying a lot too.

(((Hugs to please remember to be kind and caring of yourself no matter what))))
Open Eyes

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I really feel empathy for you.

Billi

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

And I also think you should investigate if the medication you are taking for the epilepsy interupts with being able to produce serotonin as well. I have just found out that Klonopin seems to interupt with this process...

oh that's interesting. it seems there are two kinds of people on PC, people who hate klonopin but love topamax, and vicey versey. I wonder if this is the connection, perhaps a previously undiagnosed case of mild epilepsy as I had.

I am taking Depakote. I can only tolerate a low dose as a higher one increases my appetite, causing me to gain weight. Since starting it, I have been drowsy at times. The drowsiness is a side-effect of the med's mood stabilization properties. It does not appear to be helping with my depression or PTSD. I see the neurologist next week and will discuss it with him.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by hankster

oh that's interesting. it seems there are two kinds of people on PC, people who hate klonopin but love topamax, and vicey versey. I wonder if this is the connection, perhaps a previously undiagnosed case of mild epilepsy as I had.

Hankster, I didn't actually "hate" the Klonopin, it just made me so drowsy and it DID effect my short term memory and I mostly took it at night to sleep without waking up in flashbacks etc. I was also on a very low dose. I only took it during the days when I was really bad as it often just made me sleepy. I had just read that it effects the ability of the brain to produce serotonan, which I would think could encourage depression. I was actually on it for four years and I weaned myself off of it because I was tired of being/feeling tired. I am on nothing now.

I have never tried topamax so I can't say how it is. If I can go without taking anything I would rather do that. It can be a challenge some days though. I do not have epilepsy, just anxiety attacks with the PTSD.

People react differently to medications so I am just going by my own experience.

Unhappyguy,
I do think you should ask your pdoc if the medication you are on effects the serotonin levels at all, be direct. No one told me things unless I asked. So have a list of questions ready.

((((Hugs)))
Open Eyes