My hurt won't allow me to call my mom on Mother's day

I wish I was strong enough to put aside my anger and forgive for the sake of my own happiness I'm 30 years old and I don't want to keep wasting my days lost in pain. I wish I could call my mom and wish her a happy mother's day but I am too angry and hurt from the years of resentment towards her. It saddens me that I don't have a mother I could run to and feel safe with. There's no room for any improvements in our relationship. I'm working on letting go and grieving for the dream mom I should have deserved to protect and love me.

Bless your heart -- I'm so sorry you didn't have the Mother you needed. I don't know your story, but obviously it was very difficult for you.

My own Mom and Dad were alcoholics. They fought constantly both verbally and physically. WE were not beaten (my 3 sisters and myself) but we were totally ignored. We were just "there" much like the furniture. We got no love, no hugs, no praise, no pats on the back for good grades, no nothing. We didn't have curfews, they didn't know where we were most of the time. They really didn't care. We just had sense enough to come home at "decent" hours. Needless to say we ALL grew up kinda screwed up, all with depression problems. I've been in and out of therapy all my adult life.

I finally realized that my parents gave ME what THEY had been given. They couldn't give me what THEY didn't have. For them it was a vicious circle. I broke that circle with MY kids and lavished attention on my kids -- they never wondered if I loved them, and they got hugs & kisses galore. lol I "tucked" them into bed until they left home!!! They weren't too thrilled about that. LOL

Sweetie. there's a saying: Resentment is the poison I take to kill you. And it's true. If you resent someone, all it's doing is hurting YOU. The person you resent doesn't even KNOW that you're hurting that much. And depending on the person, sometimes they don't even care! So what good does it do? It just hurts you.

Yes, it's hard to forgive. But forgiveness FREES you from the bonds of hate and resentment. It opens up your heart to loving of others. It frees your mind from the constant barrage of thoughts of the one you're resenting and the bad memories of the past. Those need to be buried and put to rest so they can't keep hurting you.

Please talk to a therapist so you CAN get some closure to this. Perhaps a therapist can help you find a way to forgive your Mother -- it IS possible. I have long ago forgiven my parents and we ended up having a good relationship before they died, which I cherished. Please do it before it's too late.

I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

(((Jenn1fer82)))

I've also pulled away from my family, due to the pain and anguish that's always brought up inside of me. My mom is settled in her ways. Ways that I am simply unable to accept anymore. I wish that it didn't have to come to this. I feel like a horrible daughter and I seriously dread the day that my own daughters feel this way towards me. It's a horrifying fear of mine!

That said, I have sent a couple very bland eCards to my mom, to make myself feel a little less guilty. My motivation was not to make my mom feel good. Instead, guilt was my motivation. I don't know if that's a good thing, but it did help me feel a little bit better about myself. I won't call her. But it doesn't take much time or effort for me to send an eCard.

Perhaps that may be something you'll want to try and see if it helps you. Leed is correct about us needing to let go of our resentments ~ that is what hurts us even more. I am still unwilling to forgive though. That is a fact that I am aware of & perhaps you are as well. IMO, it takes some time (and maybe a sense of acceptance) to let go of the resentment that we feel and allow ourselves to forgive those that hurt us. For me, not an automatic response.

I've got to let my big inner walls down first. And that's a scary thought!

I can understand how forgiveness could help with releasing of pain.. but i see for my pain and all a little different-

forgiveness is not so much of what I do but "understanding"..

Not to dismiss what was ignorance or ignored and what a mother should had done. but understanding that just perhaps- just perhaps- she just was just so overwhelmed and "didn't know what to do" and she was "not strong enough to ask for help"... <- that sounds totally mean I know, but that one t said that was ok to say; so guess will go with that--- and the understanding that she has even to this day, a lot of work to do with herself..

sure i still feel a little shame -- yeah this weekend was hard-- it is something to work through i keep getting told.

And hey- the card sending sounds good too-

to each their own

Many hugs to you all

with me on mother day i rarely say something to my mum, and what she did to us (me and my sibling) i try to understand that she is sick, what she did is sick but she still my mum but vyes no mothers day for her not from me .. i dont know what forgiveness is maybe if its not something abstract i would know what it is, its easier if they sell it in store

"didn't know what to do" and she was "not strong enough to ask for help"...

And i dont think this mean at all, this is how i try to understand what my mother did to me ..maybe me is the worst i keep telling my self that she is sick ...sick from the sickest ..

hugs to you