I'm scared. I just want to cry.

If I could just curl up in a corner until these feelings pass, I would. I think this is the worst it has EVER been. I don't even know where they (the feelings) are coming from. I'm 35 yrs old (so is hubby). We have 6 children in the home, the youngest two are mutual. We have been together for 5 years, known each other for 20.

I have the 2 youngest ones at home during the day (they are both under the age of 3) and the other 4 attend school. I am so exhausted and weary with everyone elses appointments, household chores, family management, etc that I can't even get myself to go to counseling for myself. We have a therapist that comes to the home for my 10 year old daughter that has ODD. I try talking to her about things regarding myself, try to vent, try to get validation...but she is not my cup of tea to work out my problems with.

My husband and I will go weeks being completely happy and then WHAM....either he is assuming I am being unfaithful or I am feeling insecure and thinking he's looking for someone else. He doesn't understand that I need to hear compliments (even if it IS just about the dinner I just made or how clean the house is). When I mention it to him, he tells me "quit hounding me, let them come naturally". Well....they haven't come naturally in about a year? He must be detaching from me then! (that's how I feel, and what I think....it is NOT a fact). There are other factors on why I feel that he is detaching and looking for someone else.

I KNOW Im not an easy person to live with. I fly off the handle at my husband out of the blue. If I think he's thinking of someone else or thinking how awful it is to be with me, I get mad. As of yesterday, I told him I was done telling him how I was feeling inside because it just creates a fight and he says it "ruins" his day. I don't mean to ruin his day. I just want him to know what's going on inside of this crazy head of mine.

Do I even have a point here or am I just rambling in hopes someone will say that this is not permanent and it will subside....that there is another door to open. I don't know. I came here on accident and as I was reading the posts, I realized that I'm NOT "abnormal"...I just need to understand and be understood.

Sorry if I don't make sense here. I have so much to get out that my brain is just screaming at me.

I just want myself and my home to be happy again. I really honestly think IM the cause of the discord here.

How long has this feeling been going on for? Did it ever happen before this? This might be temporary. There is some mistrust between both sides thinking irrationally (maybe), about assuming theyre looking for someone else. It is okay to have feelings of suspicion but it becomes a problem if you’re putting it out in a way that hurts that relationship rather than working it out with an understanding, calm communication. But this is a hard thing when you’re burnt out and deeply stressed.

A good thing is that you know how you feel and you know that it’s just a feeling, and not fact. It seems you put your 10 yr old’s therapy and being a mother of 6 puts no time in for yourself, my classmate has 7 kids and just now after 35 years she could can take time for herself to go back to school. You need time for yourself, completely, if it’s possible to take a few hours in a quiet room, listening to your favorite music, taking a walk, talking to your friends, anything to take you away from the full time job

You are not the cause of any discord a family requires everyone’s involvement and you’re seeking support that's a very positive thing, I may not share the same experience, but I am listening to you

Good luck

"Burnt out" and "deeply stressed" probably sums it up completely.

These feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, depression, etc happen every few months. But this time it's either worse or I am more in tuned with it. Back in July, I had my last child through and emergency c-section. VERY traumatizing for me. I honestly don't think I've been MY "normal" since then. I know I should go in and talk to someone but I just can't bring myself to do it. Rehashing everything is so exhausting and it makes me feel worse than when I showed up for the appointment.

The mistrust has been happening on and off again since we got back together 5 years ago and to be honest it was never MY issue until recently. I never accused him, never thought for a moment that he would even desire someone else. I was always comforting him when he felt that way because I understood it had to do with inner issues and not something about ME. It's the WORST feeling in the world when you don't have that security that made you so comfortable.

See, now today I am just fine. FULL of energy, wanting to get outside and weed my garden. Sure I have a few things on my mind that I just haven't said out loud to spare the one involved and it's eating away at me. I don't know if the tears stopped because my friend came over yesterday and pretty much forced me outside or if it just happened on its own.

I'm sick of going through this all of the time. I should keep a journal, maybe it will help me understand the pattern.