Survivors of Unrequited Love

Are you a victim of this? Have you ever loved someone so deeply only to have your hopes crushed every single time?

I did. At one time in my life I loved someone so deep and so much it ate me up inside. I think he is the reason for my several breakdowns, excessive drinking and discovery of my bipolar.

I always felt ugly and not good enough, when at that time in my life, I was the most beautiful. Nice body and beautiful long flowing hair and nice skin. Everyone saw me as beautiful except me. All because of a man that would never love me and that I would never be good enough for. I longed for him and I feared that I would be trapped in an endless emotional masochistic relationship. I spent 5 years like this. Crying every single day, drinking endless amounts of alcohol and trying to numb the pain.

And after I got sick with the bipolar and was hospitalized he left me. I then in turn tried to kill myself. How could I live without him? Did I love him that much. He caused me so much pain and grief yet I almost ended my life because of him. Isn't that amazing? I mean how is that even possible?

Well the reason I am sharing this is, if you are currently in a masochistic emotional relationship with someone that you feel not good enough for and the unrequited love is so great it eats you up inside, there is hope for you. You can leave him/her. Not only did I survive that relationship, but I found a wonderful guy years later that loves me and I am truly happy with. I still feel fat and ugly, but those are my own issues. It has nothing to do with him. I feel good enough for him but not good enough for myself. But at least I realize its NOT him that's causing that.

The point is I am thinking about how far I have come and how damaging to my life that relationship was. There is still remnants of that pain that lives within me from that time. I am slowly learning to accept myself and my beauty after years of feeling less than nothing, There is hope. You can survive unrequited love and one day be happy again.

((PlatinumHeart))

Good that you've grown enough to realize that meeting our standards for ourselves is the real struggle!

I was in a similar situation as a teenager. I was obsessed with my bf, who shortly thereafter became my ex-bf. It was extremely painful for me. Since that time (...23 years ago, I think) I haven't EVER given that much of myself to anyone.

I didn't realize that until this very moment. Amazing!!

Glad you enjoyed my thread! I didn't realize it was a trigger thread. Yikes! But yes I am a survivor and I am so so glad I got through that. I know there are those that are in those type of relationships and I just thought sharing my story would help. There is life after an emotionally abusive relationship! There is

I too felt like that as a teenager. It was the most devastating time of my life. Actually, the young man was a very nice, decent guy -- but he had eyes for another -- it's just that when he would break up with her occasionally, he'd come to ME. And of course because I loved him so, I'd take him back. My self esteem was so low that I allowed him to continually return. I kept hoping that one day he'd stay. But, he didn't. They ended up getting married, and I thought I'd die.

That plagued me for years afterwards -- and I'm ashamed to admit, it even hurt after *I* got married!!! He was my first love.

Thank God that's over with! I'd never go back to those days for all the money on earth!!! I hear people all the time saying "Wouldn't you love to be a teenager again?" HECK NO!!!

Thanks for the post PlatinumHeart - it brought back some lovely, yet painful memories. But I don't mind remembering them. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Hey, I am in that situation right now. There is this guy (Lets call him B) i love him more than anything. I'm very very clingy with him. I text him every day, I talk to him every day when he is in school, and I have to hug him at least once that day if i see him. Much like in Leeds situation he is nice, caring, decent, all that good stuff but he just doesn’t stick around all that much. He recently said "I love you, but right now i can't be with you because i have a girlfriend" however he had no problem cheating on his girlfriend with me. for the longest I was kissing him and we even had an intimate relationship but then when I confronted him about his secretive behavior (telling me not to call him, telling me not to talk about our relationship with friends, and him always acting as if he didn’t know me in school) and his lack of caring at times he explained to me that he had a girlfriend and that he loved her as well. I was and still am heartbroken but my heart mends pretty fast I would say. Because all the time he comes to me and asks me for a kiss and when I try to walk away he grabs me by the arm lightly and kisses me. I don’t know how to take it really. It’s like he loves me but he doesn’t love me enough to be with me. He is going away to college this year and I’m left behind in high school being a senior. Also it doesn’t help that he and his girlfriend of a year and some time are going to the same college in the fall. It’s almost as if he is leaving my life for good and that is one of my biggest fears, He is not only my first love but he is also my best friend. I tell him everything, he means the world to me but it hurts that I don’t mean the world to him. I have panic attacks just thinking about him just up and leaving my life, I get depressed when I text him and he doesn’t text back, and I cry every night because I’m not his girlfriend. This post really makes me think about me and B’s relationship. I think the only 2 reasons I hold on to him is because he comes to me in school for kisses and that means a whole lot, considering that I turned on him at one point in time 2 years ago and because he is my first love. I just hope I can somehow detach my feeling from him because I feel as though that we’ll never be together . Hopefully I can detach myself very soon.

Unrequited love. Have I survived it? It’s basically defined my life for the last 5 years. There basically hasn’t been a time that I haven’t been struggling with unrequited love and it unfortunately feels like the only love I have experienced - I am under the impression I am unlovable.

My first unrequited love occurred in high school in 2007. She was incredibly smart, attractive, and kind. Although she was a dancer, it wasn’t her body that left me in awe, it was her voice! She had the most incredible voice. Sounds weird, I know, but I suppose after a childhood of screaming, profanity, threats, and madness I am sensitive to the voices of others.

Based on the advice of my special education coordinator, I attempted to socialize with her, first on Facebook, because I was too shy to approach her in person. We would chat online after school and I wanted to talk to her in person, but I also feared that her friends would create a nightmare for me, since I would be an easy target for bullying. The last thing I needed was to find myself hiding in a bathroom, in a locker, or being stalked and ambushed on my way home.

One thing led to another and I sent her a message on Facebook where I expressed some feelings of mine. Her parents called the police on me, the police called the school and my parents, and an officer came to my house to tell me that she wants nothing to do with me.

How did I take that? I was diagnosed with major depression and OCD, put on medication, withdrew for 2 months, and I was institutionalized for about a month or more for attempted suicide. I attempted suicide again in April of 2008 and I was barred from talking to or otherwise communicating with her.

In 2008 I met the best girlfriend and friend I have ever had other than my Internet friends. She was incredible! That ended well. She dumped me over the phone and her mother made it almost impossible for us to talk to each other. All the while I was still seeing Girl #1 from 2007 each day at school.

After my dad died and my former girlfriend forever ceased talking to me despite her claims that she would never leave me, a promise I am now unable to believe from anyone, I sought out Girl #1 from 2007 again. I thought, “Hey, my house is gone, I am homeless, I will be moving across country in a month, what could I possibly lose now?” I walked right up to her with a broken foot and a cane and we had a conversation - it was incredible! She was so kind to me! She was the kindest person to me in that entire building of 2000 students.

While crying in the Asperger’s room I was removed and brought in to the administration to see my nemesis in life - the then head of guidance at our school. He once accused me of terrorism because I was reading a book on the Taliban in the library. (You wouldn’t believe all the death threats and harassment I have received for such things!) He antagonized me and I exploded on him. I was detained in a locked room with a computerized door and a restraining order was filed against him for harassment. I would be charged if I came near or otherwise communicated Girl #1, for what crimes I don’t know, since I didn’t commit a crime but that didn’t stop others from accusing me of that. I drafted a letter and had someone deliver it to her.

Then our house was repossessed and I spent the next few months living in a car.

The end.

Now here I am for 3 years with not a single individual for me to talk to or be around in real life because not one freaking person can stand me long enough or find anything redeeming about me to want to talk to me.

I can’t help but feel this will never change - I’ve always been alone and ostracized minus that 8 month relationship in 2008 - and sometimes I feel like saying damn everyone if nobody can find me worthy of respect and love.

People tell me (online of course) that I am lovable and things will change and then I look around me and wonder where in my life those things are demonstrated. My mind works off statistics, facts, and patterns, not random ideas of something changing for the better.

Both my arms and legs have been permanently scarred from self-harm out of the frustration and hurt of a unrequited love. I can look at my body and tell someone which scar is for which female.

I have not recovered from unrequited love. I have photos of both girls on my computer and until recently had them on my iPod. There is no other love in my life. All I have had is unrequited love and loneliness.

(((Hugs to all))),

And I have my own stories as well. But honestly, I think everyone experiences bad luck in love. Even the so called beautiful people have problems, so it really must be a very common human problem.

I think the biggest problem with it is when we tear ourselves down because of it and forget to reason it out and remember that whomever did it to us, also experiences it themselves at some point.

Open Eyes