Hate myself for thinking they should keep him in :(

This is a terrible thing to say but sometimes i wish they'd keep my other half in, rather than send him home in crisis with only pills and me to stop him killing himself I hate that i wish him hospitalised, but yesterday was so bad. I had to practically kick the bedroom door through, with him sat behind it to stop him from over dosing. . . . A neighbour hung himself about 2 months back and his gf woke up to find him. It shook me up because i knew it could easily have happened to me. My other half knew how much it got to me and promised me it would never happen. I knew that was a promise he couldn't really make. So yesterday while i was battling to stop his suicide attempt i reminded him of his promise. He laughted in my face and told me oops i lied. It's the second time he has laughted at me while trying to kill himself. He also tells me it's my fault etc, i don't know that i can cope with him much longer when he's in such a state. Why can't they deal with him and not leave us to struggle alone.

My gosh, they're going to send him HOME while hes in that state of mind? Who on earth is his doctor? Can you talk to his doc? Don't they know what he's thinking? He certainly should NOT be going home while he's thinking like that!

And even if he isn't right at this moment, I doubt he's been in long enough to ensure that he's THRU that crisis!

I'm with you. He SHOULD stay in longer. I don't blame you for feeling like that. Having to cope with someone who is definitely in a "crisis" mode is NOT for a "layman" to deal with. He needs to spend a LONGER period of time inpatient to ensure he's perfectly able to deal with life on the outside. I dont' think he is.

Try to talk to his doctor! INSIST on talking to him. Let him know your fears. You shouldn't have to deal with this. God bless & we're with you. Hugs, Lee

Please know you aren't responsible for your husband. He is responsible for his own actions. I know you love him but he is manipulating you with fear of him hurting himself. That isn't love. He isn't yours to save. If he wants to hurt himself, he will find a way. You can only take care of yourself (and your kids if you have any). I know it's hard but you need a safe place to stay. Be careful as he clearly isn't thinking straight and may hurt you as well. I pray peace for you and your family.

BDPpartner, this is getting out of control! Actually, it's been out of control for such a long time, I don't know how you do it! Next time he does something like that, I honestly think you should call the police. Don't tell him your doing it, just go into the other room for a minute, call them, and then return to trying to get to him. At the very least, when the police get there, you don't have to worry any more. And I figure if the police bring him to the hospital, I would imagine they'd make him stay longer than the time it takes to get a prescription. That isn't fair for him and definitely not fair for you. You don't deserve this. I'm really worried about the long term effects this relationship is having on you... I know you love him and care for him, but you deserve better. You deserve to feel safe and capable of going to sleep at night and not worrying what he's going to do while you're asleep. Please, please take care of yourself. Please call the cops next time he does this.

(((BPDpartner))),

I agree with the other posters here. You don't have the capacity to "treat" your husbands needs. He has big problems and you are not "his" therapist. You need to speak to the doctor that treated him and he needs to get the right help until he is at a point where he is not a danger to himself.

Open Eyes

Thank you to everyone for your support. Unfortunately i've called the police last time, they sent 2 cars as well as ambulance and first response car. But they still sent him home, with a pager number, a few sedatives and me to keep him safe i don't know what it would take for them to keep him in. I'm am physically safe tho, he turns his anger, hate, guilt and frustration on himself. I will definately try and talk to his doctor, don't know how much it will help tho. I just feel bad for wishing him hospitalised

I definitely know what you are going through!!! My (ex)fiance was diagnosed in 1999 with Bi-Polar(II) Disorder. She should have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

On numerous occasions, she was emotionally abusive to me. On several occasions the cops were involved. Luckily, Every time she tried to lie to the cops, it failed. So I was never arrested under false pretenses.

The last big fight was, when I had, had enough of, her 'diagnosing' me. I finally told her to stop 'diagnosing' me, so loud, that she 'ran home to mommy'(women's emergency shelter). Her social worker was a woman that had an ax to grind against men, and believed all the lies my (ex)fiance told her.

The city we were living in, in the northern midwest US, is a magnet for ultra-feminists and men-haters. It is upped severely, when the woman has a serious mental health problem, as in my (ex)fiance's case.

She 'diagnosed' me with:

1. ADD
2. ADHD
3. Bi-Polar Disorder
4. Borderline Personality Disorder
5. Diabetes
6. Dissociative Identity Disorder
7. Multiple Personality Disorder
8. Narcissistic Personality Disorder
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
10. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder
11. Panic Disorder
12. Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder
13. Tourettes

The only one I could genuinely have, was PTSD, after living with her.

Please don't feel bad. Would you feel bad if he had something life threatening like cancer, would you feel bad if you sent him to the hospital for that? I doubt so, so why feel bad when he does currently have a life threatening disease? This is something a hospital is trained to handle. Perhaps calling his t/pdoc and explaining the situation they can have him committed? I've known people who have killed themselves, and the loved ones saw the signs just didn't think it would actually happen, if he's trying it could happen. Don't hesitate, get him the help he needs and DON'T feel guilty for trying to save his life! You wouldn't hesitate in any other life threatening situation, don't now.
But remember, it's his choice not yours, if he did end up doing that, it's NOT YOUR FAULT, he needs help and it's up to him to seek it, but you can help if you choose by speaking with his doctor and having him committed

I understand the point you are making, and sympathize with the situation you had to go through with your ex-fiance. However, I cannot read your post without feeling obligated to comment on some of the language you used. I must tell you that I find it offensive and irresponsible that you refer to an emergency women's shelter as "running home to mommy" and that you characterize those feel were working against you as "ultra-feminists" and "men-haters."

Many of the women on this board have actually BEEN abused. That is one of the primary topics that is dealt with on this side, and in this forum in particular. To say that an abused woman gets up the courage to leave her abuser and go to an emergency women's shelter is "running home to mommy" is offensive, arrogant, and ignorant. To send the message that a woman who seeks help to escape from abuse is "running home to mommy" could do a lot of damage. It is also easy for someone who has never been in that situation (and is in a position of privilege) to make an off-the-cuff remark like that and fail to realize the ramifications of doing so.

Furthermore, insulting feminists and likening them to "man-haters" is a clear sign of ignorance. As a Professor of Cultural and Gender Studies, I can clarify that feminism, by definition, is the seeking of equal rights, responsibilities, and social status for men and women. Despite the negative media stereotypes, feminism is not about hating men, burning bras, or anything of the sort. It is actually a very serious movement which seeks equality for all genders. And most of the men I know are also feminists. If there are any so-called "feminists" out there who "hate men" then they fail to recognize what the term "feminist" actually represents. I think it's easy for us to look back, see how much progress has been made (women's right to vote, birth control, work outside the home, etc) and think that feminism is no longer necessary. That is very far from too. There is still steep inequality in terms of equal pay, equal job opportunities, equal status within relationships, equal social status, equal expectations from birth, etc.

I apologize if I am hijacking the thread; not my intention! I simply felt a moral and professional obligation to respond.