What my father did to me when I was young

- He scolded me and said to do that or 'why are you so stupid' when I played the damn video games. Seriously THESE were just VIDEO GAMES. And thus now I have this strange personality of not being able to enjoy somethings I do for fun, if I don't excel at it.

- Pushed me down from the highest slope in the ski trip because of the reason I was 'too afraid' of going down the lower slope. I broke me ankle after that and never thought about ski again. Brings be back the memory when I see 'ski' in any place.

- Said 'I was hopeless', 'Shame of Korea' when I failed to do homeworks and projects in time.

- Both my mom and father told me at one point that 'we raised you in a wrong way'. I should have said 'yes you did, you don't even understand me. You think that was good way to raise a kid? Without understanding me?'

- My father was actually the one scolding me for 90% time until I became a high-schooler. It was also because I didn't see him for long time in high school because he went overseas. Because of that I am afraid to stand up for myself. Because I could not stand up against my dad.


I don't want to blame my parents.. They are very good people and they succeeded in society. My mom is a nursing manager and my father is a team leader in Radiology unit in hospital.

But I want to say that they affected my personality the most... But I can't say the things I hated to them.. Because I love them so much.

Dang it makes me sad even more.

I'm sorry to hear about the way you were raised.

Here's a few of mine.

Sometimes my dad would hit me when I wasn't expecting it. One time he was in a bad mood and i was trying to avoid being hit by wiping the table and he hit me on the back of the neck anyway and yelled that I wasn't fooling him.

He would always tell me that the bank would end up taking my home and I would be homeless. Today I am still living with my parents at the age of 33, and I think that might have something to do with a fear of being homeless.

He would tell me that my wife would take my home and leave me lying in the gutter or that other men would take my wife.

He once said if I saw a naked woman I would cry.

Well I'm 33 and I have never had a girlfriend.

He tried to embarass me in front of my mother's family. One time my brother and sister were making fun of his smoking habit by coughing and he turned around and punched me in the nose and I was bleeding. This was captured on our home video camera.

I think this explains why I don't like being around large family gatherings. I feel like someone will say something to embarass me.

And there is other stuff.

although i never knew my father I can relate to some of this. only thing was it was my mother. you said (but I can't say the things I hated to them), because I love them so much.Well I feel exactly the same way about my mother. I am struggling with this because that's what I probably need to do, is tell her about all the harm she caused me, and how it made me feel. but I just can't do it. while I'm so angry with her but I'm too scared of hurting her with my words on account of her having several heart attacks, and the love I have for her. I'm at a standstill........

(((Twofaces, Illegal Toilet and RockBiplarRoll)))

I wont write down mine- I have already in other sections, it is painful and I am just too emotionally spent today.

You may not need to tell them how you feel; however you do need to love yourselves for who you are and heal from the pain in some way of what they have caused by their actions and words... A therapist or deep readings with help of self esteem could help with that-- I am still a working progress on some things.

One thing that my ex-t told me to do was "write a letter to my mom and dad, about the things that I gained from them individually- then write what I, myself needed from them as far as parenting"... It is an exercise that you keep for yourself. My mother for me was very hard--- but I was able to accomplish it.

Many hugs to all that are in this boat.

I just wish my dad would stop talking to me. I have no interest in his view on things anymore.

I quit the hating part of my love-hate relationship with my dad for the things he did when I became a parent. We all make mistakes. Some worse than others. Parents are people too.

I harboured recentments for some 30 years before a young girl came to me for advice about her problems with her dad. She turned my advice back onto me and challenged me to reach out to my dad. I took the challenge.

I was face to face with this man who had bullied me and abandoned me et al but he was not that man anymore. He was old and frail and it was he who wanted to talk through past issues. I thought I did too because so much had spun around in my head for so many years. So many things I had wanted to say to him. Here was my chance but suddenly nothing from the past mattered anymore. I let him talk because it was important to him. I heard his pain, his sorrow and regrets. My heart broke for him. He became human and I didn't need to say a word to experience the healing along side of him.

thank you for sharing that--- i really wish all parents/people had that, that they grow as they learn and healed and let others know that.... I am glad you had that

Thanks beauflow. There is no greater gift than to be able to say that you have no unresolved issues with anyone. 30 years was long enough to carry the burden of my hurting heart.

I found forgiveness and that can be very liberating but more importantly I found acceptance. I see my dad in the bigger picture now. That is to say I see my dad as more than my dad. I see him as a man who has struggled with his own demons, has suffered his own ill-fate and who fights everyday to rise above his own raising.

With forgiveness came acceptance. He is still that miserable old fart who thinks he knows everything about everything and can still be hurtful with his words and his opinions. And he is the father that loves me. His style may be off but his heart is right. My acceptance of him has translated to greater acceptance of myself. No one is perfect. Accepting each other as we are seems to have been our ticket out of judgement town.

I'll quit the hating when he stops being who he is. Or when I move out of home and I don't have to listen to him anymore.

Well it helps to write it out, you can blame them and/or you can change the course of your life as best as you can it will be one the most difficult thing you'll ever do. It hurts to have the ones who are meant to nurture you to parent you in this manner.

It is difficult growing up like this, I was also raised in a toxic environment, I am trying to get past it They aren't perfect, they may have personality problems themselves, or it was how their parents raised them. You could set the boundaries, with high positions it must be stressful for your parents I'd hate to see them take their anger out on you. It seems they have high standards for you

I was also pushed down a steep hill of a road, when learning to use the bicycle , no helmets or anything, I crashed - looking back I just laugh at how ridiculous I was for holding a grudge for al these years

I honestly don't care about my father anymore. Sometimes I wish he were dead, just because it would make things easier for me.