[Willow]

I've noticed a pattern and think I have identified it as regression. At the moment it is showing itself as I find myself attracted to men. Other times it shows up when I am under male authority. Yet other times it happens when I am triggered by some event. I emotionally turn into a child and the other person is an adult. I can't *not* do it. I would prefer that it not happen because it ruins the equality in any relationship it happens in. I am certain it has to do with me being sexually abused as a child. I don't quite know how to fix it though.

Does anyone have ideas on this topic?

[bptoo]

Willow, don't answer this if you don't want to. How would you describe you relationship with your Father? And your Mother for that fact. Have you had a male role model in your life that was overly domineering?

xxoo,
bp

"When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance."

[Willow]

((((((BP)))))) My father was frightening to me as a child. He didn't have control of his life and his outbursts of anger kept me tiptoeing around him all the time. My mother was over dominant in some ways too. She also used me as a confidante before I was emotionally ready to fill that role. Then there was the pedophile that lived next door...

[conklinca]

You may be exhibiting projection--taking the "adult" side of your personality and projecting it on someone else, leaving you acting with the childlike characteristics of your personality and further forcing the other person to act like the adult, which reinforces you acting like a child.... It's a vicious cycle that I think is best broken with help of a good therapist (you might want to consider a male, if this is where you project the most) who will recognize the projection you put on him but not act like you expect, forcing you out of the pattern.

[jennie]

i regress, too! (especially whenever i am around my husband) i don't know how to not do it (initially). sometimes i can stop mid-sentence and talk as an adult, however, i sound so monotone.

wish that someone can help me stop regressing and talking monotone.

[i] <font color=purple> Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world." Ralph Waldo Emerson</font color=purple>

[Willow]

I do have a male therapist. I dont' know why I have not made more progress in this area... I am frustrated!

[conklinca]

Have you told your therapist you don't feel you are progressing quickly enough? It might be nice to have his input on this, and to give him feedback, too.

And changing is a long process--a lifelong process. There's more wrong with a person who has decided they're done improving themselves than with the person who wants to continue improving.

Remember--all you can do is your best.

[Willow]

i have told him that conlinca. He says he wants to move slowly rather than too fast and retraumatize me. It doesn't help much that I can only afford a visit a month. I get to see him tonight and can talk about the regression stuff.

[conklinca]

Hope everything went well when you talked with your therapist! Let us know, okay?

[Audrey]

Willow, I kinda know what your going through, only i'm the opposite. If I see a male I tend to get really rude, and if a guy tells me what to do, i have a problem with saying no.. Sometimes I consicouslly make the effort to say yes, but it's my way of telling myself that guys can't boss me around. Maybe you should try it once or twice. If someone tells you to do something that doesnt' have to do with your job or your boss or anything then just say no, and stick with it, no matter how childish you are acting, you have the control.

[Willow]

Hi Audrey... boy that is hard for me. I did set some boundaries last night with a guy I am talking to. Seems he is also a survivor and is very gentle and understanding. Once I realized that.. my regression tendency went away. Imagine that!

conlinca, I'll tell you all more about my therapy session when I'm not rushing off to work. I did get some good advice from my therapist. No idea how to work through the regression stuff... but he told me I already am working through it... go figure!