AGE REGRESSION

Does anyone know anything about age repression? I think I'm going through it. I've been working on addiction recovery and child abuse in therapy. I am 47 years old and I have been cutting & purging.

I feel when I'm with T especially that he is a parent and I am the child. I'm ok with that, it feels good. I told him about that on Saturday and he said he understands that in my situation.

I was very upset a week ago when my T mentioned eventual termination. I was crying all week, like someone died. T assured me he wouldn't abandon me. I was very concerned about being abandoned. Last week I was very panicky. I was reading a web article on PTSD adult survivors of abuse and I went into a panic attack. I couldn't finish the article.

I saw T on Saturday and talked to him about the panic and he feels I have a deep issue with abandonment. He again assured me he was not going anywhere. Since I saw him Saturday I've been feeling really good.

I just don't feel like an adult. I don't know if I trying to live my childhood now or what. I don't feel my T is doing anything to bring this on. If he is, how is he doing it? I bring the topic.

This is weird. Can someone help?

I read a fascinating case history in some book where a morbidly obese woman in her 30s in therapy, as she started losing weight would act out as the age she'd been when she'd last been that weight. So at some point she was acting 16, etc.

Well Perna.... that is a trip....

Raceka... I am sorry that you are having a difficult time. It sounds like your T is with you....

Sometimes my child shows up for therapy and sometimes my adult does. Maybe your child needs some extra attention right now.

I think we kind of have to get in the "role" of whatever we're working on in therapy? We were having trouble at some age with some issue/problem and I think it is really helpful to recreate the "scene" so you, your memories, issues, people, etc. all "go together" as you work?

Well then...that would also make sense with the weight reduction... to assist with that.... with what was going on at whatever phase of weight increase.

Could be very interesting.

(((Raceka)))

I too have been dealing with difficult childhood issues during my middle age, and I have often felt like a little child, both behaviorally and psychologically. There is an incongruence beween our chronological age and societal expectations of how we should be behaving. Hence, the bad feelings about ourselves, and the shame rears its ugly head. I really understand.

I don't think anyone is to blame for this (meaning you or your T). I think it is just the by-product of the working through of some really difficult stuff from your chldhood. Just keep going and keep talking. Love your inner child. I am just getting to know mine.

I don't understand why your T is talking about termination. Other people have brought this up. I'm becoming terrified that my T will drop this bomb on me one of these days but I don't think I'm anywhere near ready -- I have so much work to do. Do you know why he mentioned it? If he keeps reassuring you, then why did he say it in the first place?

I'm glad you are feeling better and no you are not weird because if your are then I am too!

(((Raceka))) I think dealing with your childhood issues is brave and a path to healing for you. Hang in there.

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sister said:
I don't understand why your T is talking about termination. Other people have brought this up. I'm becoming terrified that my T will drop this bomb on me one of these days but I don't think I'm anywhere near ready -- I have so much work to do. Do you know why he mentioned it? If he keeps reassuring you, then why did he say it in the first place?

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This is an interesting question for all of us in therapy. I think maybe T's like to bring it up well in advance of termination, just to plant the seed, so we have in the back of our minds that therapy is not forever. My T has not brought it up yet (we've been seeing each other for 7 months), but he did tell me once that he provides only short term therapy, which he defined as up to 3 years. He is not the sort of practitioner to provide endless years of therapy to someone. So he has planted this seed in my mind that one day our therapy will be over. I guess the ideal for me would be if I could solve my worst problems with him, and have a roadmap for my future to let me keep working on my problems on my own, but have permission to see him once in a while for a "check-up." Like it would be great to be able to see him once a month once we are "done" with therapy, but that would probably be too often for him--perhaps something like once every 3-6 months would be acceptable. And more frequently if a major crisis comes up. I have no idea if this would be OK with him, and it is really premature to even be thinking about this, but it did cross my mind. I really can't see doing therapy with anyone else in the future. I'm too attached to my T--it's either gonna be him or no one.

Thanks for everyone's replies.

My T brought up the termination by accident. He asks me every week if I've been working on outside relationships. He asked me a few weeks ago if I'm getting tired of hearing about it. I told him I felt like he was pushing me out. He said not at all, but I need to find support besides him. He said some T's keep people in therapy forever due to the money. He felt that was unethical.

The more I thought about it afterward the more I was getting scared. I am so attached to him I can't imagine life without him. I then asked him if he was going to abandon me. He said no. He was not going anywhere unless he dies. He is not cutting my sessions and for me to ground myself.

Apparently I have an abandonment problem. Not sure yet exactly what happened. I'm trying to remember. I also am concerned I have a sexual abuse issue. I don't remember anything, but there are signs.

When I was married I hated sex. I thought it was gross. At the time I thought it was because I wasn't attached to my husband. He was physically and emotional abusive and a alchoholic. I was forced into sex.

I also don't like baths. I remember my mom hurting me in the tub, but haven't recalled exactly what.

This is all so scary.

Funny you mention baths, RACEKA. My stepmother and I use to battle over them when I was a teenager (and I mean Battle!) and now you mention it, she was extremely abusive when I was a child a couple of times using the bathtub (and I remember what, exactly) such that my T actually cried out once, "Where'd she learn her mothering skills???!!!" :-) but I've never associated the two together. Are showers all right for you or do you not like that whole area? I shower without a whole lot of trouble.

It is very scary how talking about things can bring up other things we haven't thought about for many years and even old ways of relating. I kind of liked it all after I got use to it because it was the old, "real" Me from back before my stepmother and I kind of bent me out of "true"(to use the technical term my T used once, like a tree gets bent when it's against a heavy wind all the time on a seashore :-) I started recognizing myself and it felt so good and comfortable.

Age regression is absolutely normal within the theraputic relationship, and for me it happened outside too for most of my life. I would unconsiously be looking for a perfect mother. For me being adopted this is quite normal, but also being raised by parents that hadn't dealt with their child issues prevented me from growing up emotionally.

When I look around at the world in general now, I see that the majority of the general population are infact emotionally inmature and carry that further and I see the world as also emotionally maturing. I mean its only about 150yrs ago that people here in London slept pennyless in the streets, we;ve moved on from there. The awarenss of the world is changing, abeit slowly.

I use to think when I started therapy that I was the only one that needed to grow up. I mentioned to T that I use to think of my husband as being "sorted" emotionally mature, but now I even see his immature tendencys and said to T more in jest that maybe its the wrong person in therapy, that he should be there. She replied "alongside you".

I think some of us have reached an emotional bottom either faster than others or because we've experienced just that bit more and have been brought to our knees and just cannot continue normal living as others who seem to just have an odd quirk do.

I have a theory that it is on the strong that survive, going right back to the egg and sperm stage and for some reason our journey is to aid the world to emotionally grow up. It takes individuals to make a difference.

The remark about therapy eventually ending was maybe not the best way to have had it presented to you. I know when I've talked about ending, T is always quick to point out that ending is somethign we work toward and it can take as long as a yr just talking about ending, and we're not there yet. That "year" is something I hold onto, I know I'm not even "there" yet.

Geez I think I've rambled here :-(