Question about Men / Males

Can any one shed their POV on this issue for ME? - - - Why are (or do ) males have to be so argumentative over every little thing.... even the most smallest none important thing, conversation or comment made.

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This is driving me crazy here lately and I am so feed up with it that it is causing an uproar in my once loving & quite home.... three males and one female (me being the only female) - living in my home.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Oh my....who knows, I guess only males themselves. I'm guessing all that testosterone all in the same house.

I'm sorry this is happening and I hope things get better for you.

YEAH - - - I defiantly feel that a lot of it has to do with large amounts of Testosterone and yet I know there is more to this male attitude....... MEN are you out there what do you think? (and) ladies I am still waiting on your replies.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
Ok - going to bed, so that I can escape the struggle.... the one that is fighting from within me for I lost it with my oldest son when he let loose on me but once again today and I reacted before I could see what I was doing..... not to PROUD of the way I reacted to someone that I love.

Sorry that it all became a bit overwhelming for you. I don't really know what to answer in terms of men being argumentative for I know my husband has often said I'm just like that

Thanks Sabrina,

I guess it is just getting to me due to the great divide between the male and female ways of doing & thinking...... their way in this just seems to be so mean and unloving to me, but then again maybe the male species like it that way with each other, a strange male bonding - lol.

All in all I would have to say that it leaves me feeling unloved, unvalued and UN-CHERISHED.... and we as females need to feel CHERISHED above all things - Right?

Guess I will have to try to wait the storm out.... for they have been informed of how I am feeling and of how it is making me feel from the inside out.... now I just have to wait for it all to get intertwined with their male way of seeing / feeling things upstairs.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Wish me luck!

To all the females out there that have to deal with 3 or more males in the household at one time.... How do YOU handle and cope with it all?

Thanks...............
LoVe,
Rhapsody - - - -

Well....... I have three males also in my house and only me as the female perspective.

I'm not too good at wording things.... please bear with me...... uummm,......
I let them know my view and how whatever they said or did affects me as a female. Then I usually give them some time for my thoughts to sink into their minds. Then, sometimes they understand and sometimes they don't.

In the times that they don't seem to understand--- I try very very hard to realize that males and females overall think a bit different and as long as the particular situation is not harming anyone (physically or emotionally), I let things go---- Oh!! It's hard sometimes to "let things go"--- but I believe that in any relationship-- it's give and take--- which includes accepting one's differences. Knowing that it's OK for them to be different --- heck-- I think to myself how boring it would be if all the males in my home thought just like me!!! It would be nice in that I would get exactly what I wanted--- but--- there would be no variety. And there are times when the two views (male/female) -- make a whole picture. And also, differences can be a challenge-- in a good way-- keeps the mind working.

I do understand and agree with you that women want to be cherished.
I hope the males in your home can come to a middle ground with you and show you just how important you are in their lives--- how much they care about you.

Rhapsody---

(I hope I made some kind of sense-- I get frustrated-- I struggle with putting my thoughts and feelings into words )

Have you ever noticed that when men are doing their 'male bonding' thing, its like watching the muppet show or something... its like kids comparing their toys in the playground, oh yeah, when men get sick they are really siiiiiiiiick whereas we women carry on regardless, imagine if men had PMS or even better still, had to give birth.............

Yes.... YOU made plenty of sense and I do agree that they (males) need time to maul it over before it can or will sink in - and I do have to say that it is more with my sons (ages: 21 & 16) than with my husband.... my husband is 90% better than he ever was before and you can't beat those odds.
So, ladies how do you deal with your children when they are not quite getting it.... that their male ways are hurting their mother. ? ? ? ?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

- - - I love it TRACY and I agree with every word - lol.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Oh!! so it's more with your sons......

Well, first I'd say--- keep in mind the age of your husband and how he is now, compared to when he was 21 or 16 (if you knew him back then-- if not ask his mom or sisters)....... takes time in many cases, for people to grow emotionally. ( I realize that doesn't help much with the present pain though )

Second, I talk things over with hubby and ask him to have a talk with the boys--- seems he can speak "male teen" language better than I can.

If the communication is left open without accusations-- but with understanding and honesty...... it might help a bit. At your sons ages they surely don't want a "lecture" (the way they see it) from their mom--- just seems to come across totally different when it comes from the dad/ adult male figure.

Sorry you are feeling hurt....... hang in there.......

Wishing you good luck!

Thanks 2b1better,

I do agree and I have already talked to my husband and I have asked him to go for a walk with me tonight or tomorrow night so that we can talk about the situation with our sons and he can even give me some corrective critiquing, if done with lots of gentle love.... for I am fragile like an Easter Lily when it comes to matters of the HEART.

Now to get my husband to understand that he needs to have a talk with the boys.... for it is usually me that does and has done the talking in this family - if I did not no one would have.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

You must have to also consider how you're approaching the situation? Are you already defensive when a conversation begins? Remember that tension and negativity is contagoius. If these males are at their teenage years then I would only assume that they are at a point in their lives that they are exploring their own thoughts and views of the world around them. I believe that people tend to fight about topics and not issues. does your family tend to have communication problems anyway? When males communicate it tends to be black and white and blunt. For most females they don't understand this and makes it hard to be understanding. Have you sat down and talked to these men in your life and letting them know in a mature, non-defensive manner that EVERYONE including yourself need to improve on their communication skills.

That's my next STEP....................................... Eeeek!!! - be BRAVE - and now breathe. I know that I am not totally innocent here, but I am at least trying.

And our communication has always been good and open.... it has just been so tense and point blank lately - no give or take with the guys.... their way or the highway.

And YES............... you are right - I am already tense from the week before that I am on the defense when I talk to the guys or have to ask a question or want to make a statement / comment.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I really understand the "fragile like an Easter Lilly"-- me too.

I'll be thinking of you and hope the talk with your husband goes well.

As for him talking with your boys... if he doesn't want to do that.... perhaps you could emphasize how important setting a good example is, regarding how he acts towards you (like listening with gentle responses) -- when in front of your boys. ---- just a thought.
It can sure be a tough road at times.

Wishing you well

Is this like a male-bashing thread cause I'm really good at that! LOL

In my experience with men I think most of them are quite insensitive to what we go through. You can talk to you're blue in the face and they will disagree till the cows come home...even if you are 100% correct. They would rather believe the falsehoods that exist in their minds than find out anything true!

I think they have trouble understanding or relating to anything emotional. It seems that way, anyways. We, as women, are generally more emotional.

My next question...if we are emotional by nature, why do most of us search out these males who are seemingly unemotional? Don't we need that emotional connection? I dunno...just wondering on that front.

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tracylee said:
Have you ever noticed that when men are doing their 'male bonding' thing, its like watching the muppet show or something... its like kids comparing their toys in the playground, oh yeah, when men get sick they are really siiiiiiiiick whereas we women carry on regardless, imagine if men had PMS or even better still, had to give birth.............

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Hey, I resemble that remark.

Opposites naturally attract. What we lack, we admire in another, generally. What brings a couple together, is often what causes their break up or divorce, btw.

For example: a thrifty person admires someone who can spend freely and always has money to spend on them. Once together, the thrifty person is the one saving money and the other doesn't bother.

We improve with age.

Teehee Yorkieman, (ROLF) (ROFL) ROFL)

I have heard that if we females can just stay strong and committed to the relationship until are men are around the age of 52 - then it will be smooth sailing....... I am so glad that my husband found his path of change ten years sooner than normal - now we just need a BOAT - lol.



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Many of us adore women and pine for their affection, and I sincerely hope that you find love and peace with your man.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

by William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

We are getting there.... since he has started to recover (and hate) his past sexual addiction and has put it aside.... we are getting closer, needing each other more instead of those ugly things that only could temporarily fill ones soul.... I am feeling LOVED & WANTED by my husband more and more with each passing day (and) therefore I am able to give in return, with out hate or resentment.

BTW - I still have some old residue to rid from my body, my mind and my memory.... it will take time, but in time TRUE JOY & LOVE will return to our marriage.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Ok - I got a NEW question....

How can they (males) go even one day with out taking a shower, let alone two days? - Eeeek!!

(are they allergic or something)



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

OMG, I've been thinking of posting on that, Rhapsody! Summer's coming, and it's been hotter. My boyfriend only showers about once a week, and he sweats a lot. I have tried to subtly tell him he smells, but he gets quiet and seems to be defensive about it. I hate when he wants to use the bed (he chooses to sleep on the couch because our mattress is lumpy and he hasn't replaced it yet, but he doesn't like the couch, either, so sometimes he'll sleep in the bed when I'm not in it). Neither of us sleeps well with another person in the bed, so he only does this if I'm up all night (as I have been lately). It's fine in general, but I hate that his smell will be in the bed, and he leaves sweat stains--dark, even brownish, stains. I can't lie on the other side because there's a spring sticking up (we put one of those foam eggshell coverings on top of the mattress, but the spring has come through), and I have more instances of restless legs on the other side. I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him I'd rather he didn't. But after I've had a shower, I don't want to lie in dirty sweat, you know?

I hear you GIRL!!!! .................................

Most of us DO shower daily...at least anyone I hang with...I give your nose my sympathies!

DJ