controlling boyfriend???????

ive bin with my partner for about 2 years seriously but were very good friends 3 years before, i have a 4 year old son whos not his but he calls him daddy coz hes bin around since he was a baby and the bio daddy is lost, i have 1 son ewith him and i am pregnant again. he constantly puts me down calls me fat when mt weight has always bin an issue forme my whoke life and ive always struggled with it, hes always puttung me down. i dont see my friends i only go out to dofoodshopping or take ny eldest to school. i feel trapped he makesmer feel wirthless, tells me in easily replaced, that he can do much better, he doesnt work i provide everything on state benifit When he was working he did provide. im dont use facebook anymore coz he just gets mad over it but he uses ut. hes always accusing me of trying to hide my phone when im not. he says i can do wot i want ie. go out with friends but badically says there will be consiquences if i do so i just dont go out to avoid the draama. he smokes cannibis which i pay for, i pay for everything! and struggle. he just cinstantly verbally abuses me, says thungs like u embarrass me wuth how u look so why woykd i want to be seen in public with u. im 89 kilos i was over 100 when we were friebds but he hekped me loose it. everything is always my fault, i dont jniw what to di ciz im scared of being on my own with 3 kids

Turn it around on him. I know you're scared of being on your own, but I truely believe that the stress he's putting you through is 10x worse than being alone. That isn't what "love" should be like.

Stop paying for things for him, especially the drugs. Save that money to spend on yourself and your children, surely, they're more in need of it. Ask him why you should pay for things for him if he doesn't want to be seen with you and thinks that you embarass him. Tell him that he can buy his own drugs and own things when he gets a job. Don't be afraid of his "consequences" or "drama."

You're so strong, lost84, and you should give yourself credit for it. The financial support is there for you and for your children, don't let him leech off of you. You have your friends to support you, which I'm sure would be more than happy to be there for you if you weren't letting your partner stand in the way. Allow your children to learn not to allow others to disrespect them.

Firstly you should search a job. SOON. I knew how some women suffered at age 40 when they dont work for years for their husbands. That is not healthy. Even your boyfriend is an angel, any woman must work. It is an obligation for your independence.

And after that, as someone said before..you shoulnt pay anything but less drugs. It is an insult to the woman.
And finally, if he is not nice with you...you definitely might move away from him.

Hugs.

Bless your heart, I can sure relate. But why are you afraid to be on your own when you provide everything NOW. He isn't workiing, so you're the "brreadwinner" now, right? So what would be the difference if you got rid of him? He's no good to you === he's TOXIC.

Sweetie, this man is just like my ex. My ex too ALL my self-esteem away and made me feel like I couldn't do anything; Like I was a worthless piece of humanity; Like I had no reason to be on earth; He kept me from doing everything, including seeing my friends, so I lost every friend I had. I ALLOWED that to happen. It was MY FAULT that I allowed that. My ex even checked up on me when I went to see my parents -- he'd call me to make sure I was there -and my parents got awful sick and tired of that.

I put up with that for 26 years because I was AFRAID of that man. I was afraid that he would take my chldren because he threatened to and to take them where I could never find them -- I knew he was capable of doing that too. So I waited until my kids were both 18 or over. By doing that I hurt the kids, because they had to put up with his horrible attitude and abuse too.

DON'T DO WHAT I DID. Get out of there. And get out fast!!! He isnt' doing a thing to help you. He isn't providing a thing for you or the kids. ALL he is doing is constantly ABUSING YOU. GET RID OF HIM NOW.

You won't be in any worse shape when the baby comes. Please -- get out or throw HIM out. But do it now. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

thankyou to everyone for ur support and advice i respect and appreciate i. i really need tp talk to him coz i havent done that yet and i should before i end it. he didnt used to be like this only when he lost hos job and became reliant on me

Be careful into getting into a relationship with an abusive sig other, I know it's tough because you had 2 kids with him already, plus 1. You should take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. There's 3 kids, one of you have to work. Why isn't he working?

I understand all about the controllimg boyfriend. He is verbally and emotionally abusing you. I am going to vopu amd past something here for you.

Boy I wish I had that years ago.

only 2 of the above dont apply. the stealing and sex obligation. but the rest is like my relationship in black and white, i dont know wot to do or how to do it, im scared to do this i just cant talk to him, im up another night with my 5 month old, whos teeyhing and full of cold, im full of cold and tired and he wont help, hes jst kicking off telling me to deal with the baby. ive removef myself from the drama so me and my 5 month old have just got into bed with my 4 year old, hes gone bak to bed like its nothing. i feel so drained i feel like i dont even have 5 mins away to myself, just having a shower is me time but most time im hounded at the door to hurry up after not even 5 mins coz the baby is crying. i feel like u can only talk to u guys

I have been there. It is hard to stay and hard to go. But honestly, once they star abuse of any sort it does not go away. It will most likely get worse. You don't want your children to think this is the normal family life. Because really it isn't. You don't deserve this treatment and your children don't deserve to be around this type of behavior. I am sorry. I do know how bad it is. How scary it is. How you hope he will go back to the old ways, to the man you fell inlove with. Being without a job may have triggered this type of behavior from him. He can't stand to have you paying for everything, that takes away some of his control. Not only of you, but of himself and life in general. See if he will go to counseling with you, Maybe that would help some. At least he would see that he is hurting you.

Hi lost84 - i know the thought of being alone, especially with children, isn't all that appealing but i don't think you will be able to continue in the current situation for much longer. Either his abuse will get worse or your spirit will break and then things could get very messy indeed. Could he be removed from the family home? If this isn't an option is there a member of your family who you could stay with - or a friend perhaps? You need space so that you can decide what it is you want to do. It sounds to me like even with help this man isn't interested in changing so as hard as it will be perhaps removing him from the picture and focusing on what you want out of life is the better option. I would certainly stop paying for the drugs etc - this will only exacerbate your husbands behaviour and surely that money could be put to better use? Once your children get older and go to school you can focus on getting back to work/retraining and start reclaiming your life as your own. I hope this situation resolves positively for you. All the best.