[Rhapsody]

OK - I am needing to talk it out as to STOP the crazy cycle that is forming - to STOP IT from starting up again (and) from taking me away with it..... into a bottom pit of void & doubt, that which can but only lead to more suffering.

I woke up this morning feeling DISCONNECTED & SAD.... this is coming from a week of my husband doing nothing but working all day and then playing games online all night - NO ME TIME with HIM!!!

I know that he loves me very much and that he is only going through something himself, for work has mentally & emotionally drained him this week.... and I know that he needs to chill when he gets home from work, as to make it thru another day.
But I still have my needs and well they have neither been given the attention they so desire and need.... emotionally, physically or sexually and well DARN IT- I am but only human...... I need my daily affection to be ME - to feel loved & whole inside.

IS that so wrong? - Ok Ok I know it is not wrong..... I just needed to VENT so that I can get this off my shoulders and back into my HEART - for we have a grand family day planned on Saturday and I do not want to let this feeling destroys it. HELP!!


Thanks....
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

Some one - Any one? - hurry for I am about to explode, or cry like a little baby girl with out her daddy.

[Rhapsody]

Hmm - I think I just answered my own question (WHY)....... I am mixing my dads rejection of me into that of my husbands lack of attention for me this week.... an unmeet need that every little girl has and mine never got met nor noticed.... for daddy left when I was but one, and I wanted to die since I was five and now I must cope or flee.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -
(aka: Sabrina, My Child from with in Me)

[Sabrina]

Sorry it has been a tough week. I do know this feeling so well. Often my husband gets home and will work outside on his 4x4 and I won't see him for hours. Then he plonks in front of the tv and if I try and chat I just get blank stares. The remote control gets looked at more lovingly.

It is usually during these times that I come on-line.

On the other hand, we often cook together which is great for chatting. Once in a very blue moon, we will play cards or a board game. I must be honest that the early days of walking hand in hand on the beach are gone. But I don't rule them out ... I will surprise him with a suggestion yet.

My suggestions to you- perhaps you could suggest to him that you play an on-line game together?

Oh, and I am sorry - I really do not know what to say about the Dad part.

Another thing that I thought of is that you could shower him with affection, physical and otherwise, this Saturday at your family day. If you normally retreat, he might find it a nice change and respond to it. Sometimes I get so fed up by waiting for affection from my husband that I plant myself all over him and he has no choice but to respond.

Good luck!

[Rhapsody]

Yes, I hear YOU.... I usually do retreat and he knows that all to well.... some times I wish I would not go into my turtle shell and that I would just jump his bones to get what I need..... Oh did I say that? - sorry I will try to keep this PG - lol.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

OK - QUESTIONS that needs ANSWER - ASAP!!!!

Ladies.... would you go have lunch with your husband (after feelings the way I have here it this post) after your husband called you and invited you to LUNCH with him, during work hours, and yet there is a catch.... a coworker of his is coming along and you have never meet him before and since you were planning to work at home today (online for a friend) you did not do your hair nor your make-up? - Would you go (and) BTW, you only have 10 to 15 minutes to decide.... then he will be calling you to say: Meet Us There.

Thanks....
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[lenjan]

If you've never seen this person before and probably will never see them again, since they don't know what you look like "dressed up" -- does it really matter if you aren't?

[Rhapsody]

I will probably see this man again.... for he has become my husband new friend at work and some times (off & on) even outside of work.... plus I do not want him (the co-worker) to think that my man married such an ugly woman when he sees me undone - lol.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

Oh well, problem solved.... Thank God for my Husband sense of timing.... his 20 minutes is never 20 minutes - so I had enough time to do a quick beauty make-over and I pulled my long curly hair up with a clip - I look MARVELOUS.... see you all later - I got a dinner date in 10 minutes, so out the door I am.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[SeptemberMorn]

Rhapsody, happiness comes from within us. It's a heavy load to lay on someone else to expect them to make us happy. I think you really did hit on the source of your feeling abandoned or neglected. You're projecting the feelings that you dad caused in you, on your husband.

Granted, I believe that your husband should look to you for SOME of his "chilling out". But if he prefers the computer, you might want to create a "fun time" with him in some way. It could be as simple as playing a game of cards with him. I would stay away from any love making since that would only cause him some more stress. He needs to forget about "serious" stuff.

As for "cleaning up" to have lunch with him and his friend; it really doesn't matter what THEY think. What's more important is what YOU think and how YOU will feel if you don't dress or put your makeup on. Do you have enough pride in YOURSELF to clean up? Is it important enough to you? You're complaining of not getting enough attention from your hubby. Are you going to pass up a chance of being with him in adult company? How would you want HIM to act if the roles were reversed?

It's YOUR decision.

[bebop]

I have to tell you my hubby and I don't spend time together at night. He either is on his computer and me on mine or he is watching tv in another room. I know without a doubt he loves me but we don't have alot in common. I know he is just in the other room...and I can identify with other needs not being met. I remember the time I could walk into a room and him get all excited if you know what i mean. but I think/feel it is due to my weight gain and that is my problem...he says his feelings haven't changed but hey I ain't stupid!

Good luck hon and know I am here anytime for you.

[Sabrina]

A thread after my own heart.

Rhap - you have received some wonderful advice here.

Hope it all turned out ok!!!!

[tracylee]

Hmmmm, this is a hard one actually, I agree that we all need some quality time with our partners, sometimes, maybe they are waiting for the first move? I usually walk past mine when he is on the pc and I give him a kiss on his bald spot and hug him from behind and then wander off leaving him with a big smiley face, i come wondering back with tea or coffee and get a lovely big smile and huggles back. Hardly any words are said its just in the eyes and the smile and the way he says thanks darling........... ooooooooh oooooooh, i'm loving it!!

Good luck mate and here's a hug from me to you.

[Rhapsody]

OK - I am back from lunch and it went good.... I am glad that I went for I had fun and the co-worker and I did most of the talking - it was nice to be in company of adults.... I even got a whistle and a honk from a man I did not even know - (smiling) - lol.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

NOW - for my replies to all who took the time to reply to ME....

CandyBear.... I guess in all it was more with ME, for I believe in always looking our best and that first impressions can be a make it or break it deal.

SeptemberMorn.... Yes, I believe that we should not look for someone else to make us happy, but then again this kind of happiness was not the one from with in, but rather that of which we like (and need) our significant other to give to us - and I had been without.
Now as far as stress of SEX goes, my husband does not see that act as work or stress.... he loves it and it helps him unwind, but lately his unwinding is coming from the computer with the online games.... I am trying to be patient, for it is just a phrase and this too shall pass. (AND) Yes, I cleaned up for ME, so that I would feel better about how I presented ME, not just for my husband.

Bepop .... Thanks for your words of understanding and while hubby and I have not spent much time together this week, we do and will spend time together again - as soon as his own storm passes.... I just needed some one to lean on while I wait out the storm.

Sabrina .... You and I are TWINS of the HEART and with in LOVE.... May we help each other on this journey.

Tracylee .... I understand what you are saying by maybe he is waiting on me and yet I do not think that is it this time around.... for I walk past him and touch him (often) and I do kiss his bald spot as well, and I have even hinted (with touch & sex talk) of wanting him in bed next to me.... this time around I guess I just need to take out my old patient box and open it so that I can catch some of its inner power.... to hold me over until we connect again.

Thanks....
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Hi Rhapsody,
I've seen other women this way with their husbands and just watching it makes me feel clostaphobic-I can only imagine how the husband must feel. Then again, you have to take into consideration that I'm a person that needs lots of space.
Try backing off of him and letting him breathe- he'll pay attention to you when he's ready. If he doesn't then you may be making paying attention to you too demanding or unpleasant or as you wrote-he's going through his own funk he's got to work through. You've got to give him that time and space to do that. Otherwise, you're just annoying him and he'll want you to go away.
You know someone not wanting us can sometimes be a lot more alluring then someone throwing themselves at us. Let him wonder and want you for a change. I'm not suggesting playing games- butI think he could use a little cat a mouse game where he's the hunter instead of the hunted. Guys are really into that crap. You need to find other things to focus on so he doesn't take for granted that he's the center of your universe. At least you're making it seem that way and that's ASKING to be taken advantage of.....it's human nature.
I hope this helps. Hang in there.
((((((Rhapsody))))))))

[Rhapsody]

Thanks JAX....

But all in all it is not that way this time around (I have grown way past that point).... I was just feeling left out due to myself and probably due to the lack of sexual connection (a week is to long) and was trying to find some comfort while I wait for him to get thru his own struggle.

BTW - I do not chase and I do not beg - but I can hide, hunt and play..... I am usually the hunted and then again I often take his gun and hunt in return - lol lol lol.



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Ps, I read my post and I don't mean he's taking advantage of you as in hurting you- I mean like calling you up for lunch and not explaining to you his coworker would be there and you show up feeling like a mess because you weren't expecting the other company. I think he took advantage of your wanting to be with him.
I hope you didn't take anything I wrote the wrong way. It was all meant to be supportive but it may not have come out that way and I apologize if that's how it's interpreted. But I think you may be giving him too much of yourself for "free". Let him work for it.
Is that too much attitude?

We posted at the same time.
Okay, I'm glad you didn't misunderstand. I'm glad you make him work for you. You deserve it 'cause !!!!!

[Rhapsody]

Oh NO NO - knowing my husband like I do I think he was feeling the VOID between us as well, so he took the opportunity to BOND with ME (for we rarely get to eat lunch together any more).... trust me, while I may be needing him this week - I have not been waiting and picking up the scraps - I have been doing my own thing.



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Sabrina]

You are a strong woman!! That is what counts!!!

Then what the heck are you complaining about?

[Rhapsody]

LOL - Jax

Read the first 2 or 3 post on the first page and then you will better understand what this thread was all about.... all in all I guess I was whining about needing him / not having him - for a week / but mostly about not wanting to make a big deal about it all, as not to ruin tomorrows family plans.

I WAS COMPLAINING.............. as to VENT - to release it all so it could not control me any more than it already has/was.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Sabrina]

Rhap ... you make the very best of tomorrow... ok? You are strong and special and unique and one of a kind and a very loving wife (and my grammar teacher probably just had a stroke at my and and and's).

Let us know how it goes. But ... I just know you will excel!!

Well, let the "duh" be on me.

[SeptemberMorn]

If you were just "venting," then what was your post in General all about??