[sick and tired]

I don't know if I have ever felt like this much pain before. I carried her in my bbellly, I was the very first person to ever hold her, the dr. litterally threw her on my belly when she came out, so even he didn;t hold her.

Oh God I am a wreck. I'm ovver 100 miles away. My family has disowned me because they cant handle all the mental mess. And so now I have to actually mail cards and send presents. I can't be there to hug my baby. I nursed her when she was a baby and now shes not mine. I stayed up many nights trying to bring down a 104 fever. I took her to her first day of school. I picked her up from school when she bbroke her arm on the playground and rushed her to the dr. I bought her first car, I put braces on her teeth. And now. Now I'm a stranger.

I just want to lie down and sleep the day away. My stomach is nauseated. I'm shaking like a leaf.

Backstory, my husband asked me to leave. Of course the girls are staying there because of school, college and friends etc. The only place I could go was my best friends house, 100 miles away. I dontt even have a freakin car right now.

This is NOT FAIRl. I'm having all these flashbacks..cheerleader tryouts, slumber partys, pushing her stroller arouund the mall. Someone just knock me out until after Christmas.

[Miswimmy1]

(((((sick and tired))))) I am sry that you are hurting so much. That is a horrible situation to be in! My heart goes out to you....

i'm sorry you missed the birthday.

did you manage to call her at all?

[Stranger516]

Why did your husband ask you to leave? Why can't you make sacrifices to be a better person for your children? Why would you leave your children in the first place? I don't have enough info on this, but if you are so upset, you can always travel back home to spend more time with them. You could have tried to arrange to go home for your daughters birthday to spend the day with her. Listen to me: You are not there because you chose not to be. Nothing on this earth can keep a mother from her child. Everything you do and have done is done by choice. No one can force you to do anything. Your husband asked you to leave and you left. Your choice. You may have had other options.

Financial difficulties? Get a job. Make money to support yourself so you can get a car. MAKE CHANGES in your life, otherwise you will spend the rest of your life miserable and nothing will change. You don't want your daughter growing up too fast without you being a big part in her life do you?

I apologize in advance for sounding so harsh. I just really want you to try and make decisions in your life that will benefit you in the long run. While you may not take anyone advice I will hope one day you will be happy.

[Leed]

Stranger -- perhaps you should KNOW the story before you open your mouth. Don't be so cruel. No one would do this to you without knowing the story.
Sheeesh

[sick and tired]

Originally Posted by Stranger516

Why did your husband ask you to leave? Why can't you make sacrifices to be a better person for your children? Why would you leave your children in the first place? I don't have enough info on this, but if you are so upset, you can always travel back home to spend more time with them. You could have tried to arrange to go home for your daughters birthday to spend the day with her. Listen to me: You are not there because you chose not to be. Nothing on this earth can keep a mother from her child. Everything you do and have done is done by choice. No one can force you to do anything. Your husband asked you to leave and you left. Your choice. You may have had other options.

Financial difficulties? Get a job. Make money to support yourself so you can get a car. MAKE CHANGES in your life, otherwise you will spend the rest of your life miserable and nothing will change. You don't want your daughter growing up too fast without you being a big part in her life do you?

I apologize in advance for sounding so harsh. I just really want you to try and make decisions in your life that will benefit you in the long run. While you may not take anyone advice I will hope one day you will be happy.

One day. You couldn't give me one damn day to go thru one of the crappiest days of my life without piling more crap onto it. You sound like one of than many people I've met that I have had to prove I'm sick because they don't see it. You are worse than them because I'm assuming that if you are on here, you suffer from some sort of illness and you should know better than to jump on someone. You weren't harsh. You were a rat bastard.

Before I get banned, I will try and answer all your questions. BTW, you could have asked the exact same questions in a non accusatory way and it wouldn't have bothered me at all. But you don't seem like someone who cares what others thinks. My God, you put your heart out there and someone has to piss all over it. Ok here we go.

1.Why did your husband ask you to leave? Because he couldn't stand living with someone who is sick. I have crazy mood swings, I'm overly sensitive, I'm agoraphobic and can't leave the house to go eat dinner with my family at a restaurant. He said he felt like a single parent and this was having a negative effect on the girls. I'm sure there are other reasons, but those are the main ones.

2. Why can't you make sacrifices to be a better person for your children? I'm not quite sure what this means. Do you mean get over being sick and be fine so I can be a better person? Are you sure you are even sick, because you really do sound like someone who just doesn't get it.

3.Why would you leave your children in the first place? I needed a little break from my homelife and they needed a break from me. I was in the middle of a breakdown and had to just go somewhere where I wouldn't feel judged. And I know you are going to ask about the agoraphobia. Truth is, I don't know why I can't go to a restaurant 2 miles from my house, but I can be driven over 100 miles to my best friends house. It doesn't make sense at all. I can tell you this, ever since I've gotten to her house, which was in Sept, I have left maybe 5 times. And three of those were dr. appts.

4. I don't have enough info on this, but if you are so upset, you can always travel back home to spend more time with them. You could have tried to arrange to go home for your daughters birthday to spend the day with her.

I couldn't get a ride home. I don't have a car and my friend has already taken enough time off of work to take me to dr. appts. Plus, I felt that she would probably have a better birthday without me. I have been home once and that was Thanksgiving. I ruined it because I wanted to stay and ended up having a mini meltdown when I was told I could not.

5. Listen to me: You are not there because you chose not to be. Nothing on this earth can keep a mother from her child. Everything you do and have done is done by choice. No one can force you to do anything. Your husband asked you to leave and you left. Your choice. You may have had other options.

Listen to me. You are probably...I don't even know what to say. You can't say crap like that without asking someone the details.
I thought there was nothing on Earth that could keep a mother from her child. I felt the same way. Until I realized it would be selfish for me to push my way back into her life when she didn't want me. That would be selfish on my part.
Yes. I was my choice to leave. FOR 2 WEEKS. Not for life.
The best way to describe why I'm not fighting like hell to get back in my family's life is in a bible story. Even if you aren't religious, this explains it all.

Two prostitutes came before Solomon to resolve a quarrel about which of them was the true mother of a baby. (The other's baby died in the night and each claims the surviving child as hers.) When Solomon suggests dividing the living child in two with a sword, the true mother is revealed to him because she is willing to give up her child to the lying woman rather than have the child killed. Solomon then declares the woman who shows the compassion is the true mother and hands the child to her.

Hope that makes sense. It is my sacrifice to leave my family alone. That is best for them. Not me. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. So when you say a mother would never be a part from her child, think of that bible story and realize that love isn't always what you think it should be.

6.Financial difficulties? Get a job. Make money to support yourself so you can get a car.

I'm on disability due to my crappy illnesses. I would rather work than take money from the state, but I can't. So, I cannot save up for a car. I have to pay rent and buy my groceries. And that leaves me about $80 for the fun things like meds, dr appts and other frivolities like that.

7. MAKE CHANGES in your life, otherwise you will spend the rest of your life miserable and nothing will change.

WOW, you are wise person. I never thought about NOT being sick!! I'm just lazy. Or maybe it's a case of the blues. I mean, everyone has bad days, right?? I just need to buck up and be normal! (are you sure you belong on this board? Nevermind, I don't care)

8.You don't want your daughter growing up too fast without you being a big part in her life do you?
No. I don't.

9.I apologize in advance for sounding so harsh. I just really want you to try and make decisions in your life that will benefit you in the long run. While you may not take anyone advice I will hope one day you will be happy.

You didn't not apologize in advance. That would be apologizing before you wrote all this judemental crap. You apologized after the fact. Anyway, I would love to make decisions in my life that would benefit me in the long run. I would love to here what the answers are from you. Because CBT, meds, group therapy, ECT, and hospitalization are not. I've done them all. Many times.

You don't hope I'll be happy. You came on here to give me some sort of internet smackdown while I was vulnerable. Probably thinking I would ignore your crap, but I have answered every single thing you have written. I pray to God you don't think you can grow up to be a counselor or psychologist. because I think Hitler would be more compassionate.

I should have KNOWN not to get on a message board. There is always at least one person who knows it all. You have all the answers. But they are all wrong.

I don't know if you guys use YAGE on this board, but it means Yet Another Grand Exit. It's for melodramatic posters who leave declaring never to return, but they always come back eventually. I am leaving. I don't need some internet a$$hole judging me. I have already spent way more time on answering your questions than you deserve. I'm gone, thanks to the people who were kind to me. That's what I came here for. Empathy. Some guidance. Not this crap. But this is typical of message boards.

[Harley47]

I know it has to be painful. But know that your daughter very likely understands. I trust that she understands the circumstances, and that she realizes that we sometimes can't do things we want to do out of feasibility. I don't think she faults you, and moreover, you're faulting yourself enough for the both of you (not that it's founded).

She understands. I know that doesn't help much, but she knows you'd give the world to be there right now. She understands it's the thought that truly counts, and I think you've done all you can.

[sick and tired]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i'm sorry you missed the birthday.

did you manage to call her at all?

I called her yesterday morning, but it went to voice mail. She called me a few hours later, so I did get to talk to her. She wasn't overjoyed to hear from me, but thank God I got to hear her voice on her birthday.

[sick and tired]

Originally Posted by Harley47

I know it has to be painful. But know that your daughter very likely understands. I trust that she understands the circumstances, and that she realizes that we sometimes can't do things we want to do out of feasibility. I don't think she faults you, and moreover, you're faulting yourself enough for the both of you (not that it's founded).

She understands. I know that doesn't help much, but she knows you'd give the world to be there right now. She understands it's the thought that truly counts, and I think you've done all you can.

Thank you for the kind words. I don't want to be this person. I don't want to be this mother, this wife, this friend. And yes, I do fault myself for everything. It's like, emotionally I feel like I should just be strong and get over it. There is nothing physically wrong with me. But every once in a while, common sense kicks in and I do realize that I'm doing the best I can. It's crappy, but it's the best I can do. I'm sure you and a lot of others have seen the little poster that says "Sometimes it's ok if all you can do today is breathe". That describes a lot of my days. I do not want to be this person at all. I hate her.

[Harley47]

No need to thank me. I have absolutely no doubt you're doing the best you can, and that is all we can expect out of anyone, in any circumstance.

No need to hate yourself either...I know it sucks. Agoraphobia can be absolutely crippling in and of itself...that's without taking into consideration anything else. You're doing all you can in the face of adverse circumstances that are out of your control. That is all you can do. That, and to simply keep on going, one day at a time.

I am happy to hear you were able to talk to your daughter, though saddened that you felt she wasn't "overjoyed" to hear from you. Give her some time there...my father suffers from bipolar. For years, I never understood truly what that meant, and I resented him for so often making visitation a living hell. Once it clicked with me though...I was able to understand him so much better. We're in the process of sort of rekindling a relationship now. I would think, her given some time to truly understand and grasp what you deal with on a day to day basis, that she would understand.

Sending hugs your way.

Harley

[Princess_P]

I am going through the almost exact same thing. My sanity has been destroyed due to the fact that my ex has used Parental Alienation on both my kids, my 19y/o daughter did not even TEXT me to wish me a happy birthday, still makes me cry. What makes life even harder to endure is that virtually nobody can understand your illness unless they have experienced it themselves. I know how you feel, and the 'person' who first replied to you needs to shut the **** up! I too, have treatment resistant for 17 years, so sick and tired of those so ignorant, they have no idea of the suffering, the desperation to find SOMETHING that will bring you back to health so you can have a LIFE again. Frankly I am disgusted that such a reply so malignantly STUPID was allowed to post! SHAME to whoever allowed the patently cruel response to someone that is obviously in a world of pain. I though this forum is supposed to be supportive to those who can find it nowhere else. Please do not allow haters to further injure we who are already so fragile.

[Leed]

Please don't leave "Sick and Tired" -- that Stranger dude isn't the USUAL type person we get here on Psych Central. Most ALL the people here are kind and understanding. That person must have crawled up from under a rock or something.

You've been going thru hell my friend. I know how much this has hurt you. Being cast out from your family has to be horrendously painful, and my heart goes out to you.

I KNOW you want to be with your daughter, but as Harley said I'm sure she understands why you aren't there, and she's thinking of you. Please don't even THINK that she's mad at you or misunderstands why you're not there.

I'm just grateful you have a roof over your head. I'm very grateful for your friend who took you in! Not everyone has such a good friend like that.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless and please take good care of YOU. We know you're struggling, and you are the important one right now. Take care and keep us posted. Hugs, Lee

[hamster-bamster]

My ex husband used parental alienation too. My daughters did not call on my birthday.