[Detia]

Sorry if the title is questionable however this is about my mother and my girlfriend.

I have been dating my girlfriend for 8 months now. This is my first real relationship ever. I am rational and logical when it comes to my love life and I would not have dated this girl if I didn't think that she would be healthy for me in some way. Also we had great communication from the start, which I've never gotten from anyone else that has wanted to date me. She and I can talk about any issue we have what so ever and we do... and we work on it. Through her I have advanced greatly in certain areas of mental health... but I do not feel like I need her to continue better mental health.. Which is all the better!

However since the beginning I have been stressed because I could tell that my mother didn't care much for my girlfriend. This has escalated to the point where... i just can't take it anymore. My mom doesn't want my girlfriend in our house, she doesn't want me spending any time with her. My mother is paranoid that I want to go live with her (which I really don't) and... It's just creating problems that don't need to exist.

Then my girl told me today, after I talked to her about it that she doesn't like my mom either. I'm in the relationship for myself. However my family means a lot to me. So at this point I feel like the relationship is pointless. But I don't want to give my mom the satisfaction of her opinion winning over. I'll never hear the end of it.

[salukigirl]

Sounds like your mom doesn't want to lose her baby. I don't see anything (from what you have written) that would give your mom and honest reason to dislike your girlfriend and I saw in your profile that you are 19 which makes me think your mom is more so upset that she is losing her baby! Are you the youngest? If so, then I'd say that is hitting the nail on the head.

The girlfriend however, why would she like your mom that doesn't even want her in her house? I don't like my bf's dad but who cares. We are in this relationship - not them. If you can find someone who loves your family, you and you love her AND her family.....well you are damn lucky. I'm not sure I know one couple who doesn't have at least something bad to say about some member of the family.

Talk to your mom. Tell her you understand her concern but that you are an adult and able to make your own decisions. If she won't listen then it may be time to have a talk with your gf about coming up with ways to avoid the situation.

One last question....do you live at home with your mom? If so.....then it is her house and, if she doesn't want her there, that's her choice. That's why I moved out so young. I was broke as a joke but I could do whatever I wanted without having to listen to my parents lol

[Detia]

Thank you for responding Salukigirl..

I am actually the oldest, however I know that my mom is possesive and protective of me because she had me when she was 18... I know that she is afraid of losing me.. We have had progressive issues since I turned 18 myself. I guess that she has reached a pique in this fear of losing me... however it is driving me away.

As to why my mom doesn't like my girlfriend, my girlfriend is a talkative know-it-all who is often unaware of her condescending tone. I'm not blinded from seeing my girlfriend's flaws, and I know that this can sometimes be hard to deal with... often hard to deal with. However I also know that it's an unconscious habit from my girlfriend when she doesn't really know someone or when she's being awkward/shy.

I would be lucky to find someone that my family likes and they like my family... I just can't stand these glares or side remarks that I get from my mom... Her opinion matters so much to me...

I do live at home with my mom... and I have considered moving out. However I have just gotten a job for the first time.. it starts in 10 days... So I can't even pay the downpayment for a place right now xD;

[salukigirl]

I'm glad that you seem to be taking an objective point of view and are able to see both sides of the story.

I think if you have a sit down talk with your mom, maybe go out to dinner just the two of you, she would appreciate you being mature about the whole situation. However, I would advise that you try to have her explain it and not go in there saying things like "I know you don't like her but I don't care" or saying that she is possessive etc...

If you go into the situation with the tone of "I'm concerned about your feelings and want to respect them, but I also need to make myself happy" she will be more receptive. I do understand that she is protective, having you at 18. My sister had my niece at 18 and my niece is now turning 17 this year. And she is very much over protective of her. I have explained to her that she has to be able to trust her because invading privacy or treating her like a child when she's about to go off to college is the easiest way to lose your child.

That's good that you got a job. Hopefully soon you can get out on your own and get a better sense of independence. I know you care about her opinion, you do have to set some boundaries for yourself.

Some advice - don't do what I did. I was so fed up with my dad that, while he was at work, I came and got all my stuff and moved out lol. Then I went out and bought my own car and dropped the old one that my dad had bought off at his house. It involved a lot of lying and anger to the point where my sister threatened to not even come to my high school graduation :-/

Better to be straight and to the point. Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need to.

[Leed]

It sounds to me that your Mother is INSANELY JEALOUS of your girlfriend -- and your girlfriend senses this -- thus the static between them. I'm sure your girlfriend can tell when your mother just LOOKS at her, that she isn't wanted around your mother. Women can sense these things. I would hope that you would talk to your Mother and let her know that who you choose as a mate or girlfriend is YOUR business, and if she doesn't like it, oh well. Afterall, YOU are the one who will have to live with any prospective mate -- not her. And remind her that YOU will do the choosing of your mate - not her.

Some mothers done like ANY female the son brings home -- perhaps she sees this one as being closer to your "chosen one" as any that you've brought home and that's why she doesn't like her. Mom needs to be put in her place -- nicely but sternly. Just a warning. Hugs, Lee

So....you are 19....extremely balanced in my opinion....very well spoken....realistic and aware of the many shaded hues coloring both your own motives ,and those of your mothers...and your lady friend.

I hear you saying that you live under your mothers roof and thus feel you may be answerable to her.In some regards...this is true.I have a son your age.He is the youngest of three boys.

Frankly this is my stance with him,although he lives here.

(Btw,he is attending college.)He is extremely independent,and very much possesses his own set views ...only compromising when 'the facts/circumstances' prove to him that a change of view is in order.

I have seen my son in situations that I disapproved of...worried about...cried over.Seen him wrap his heart around a girl who was so cunningly controlling...and manipulative.Seen him involve himself with friends that I wanted to send to alaska on his behalf.

There are things in a sons life where perhaps we need to evaluate...weigh the potential of harm of a permanent nature...and decide...what action is healthy...or dire.
As far as meds go...I see her concern,there are historically meds which can actually cause suicidal ideation among a host of other consequences.

But her position on that begins and ends with an ..."I love you...and because I do,I have researched this medication,and found the following things to be of concern.I want you to be cognizant and informed .Personally...I feel _____,______,_______."

Now if you were on meth,or an alcoholic or something of that nature and it was all robbing you of your potential and posed a threat of consequences ...ie,addiction,incarceration,brain damage,death,etc...I would stand on a soapbox and demand an intervention and it'd be me against the world on your behalf.Irregardless of what anyone thought.

Slapped you?I never,ever,once slapped my sons...ever...and they have done some things that may have begged it.What message does slapping a youth...ie,age 0-21.....send?...accomplish?....mean?....

You are capable of seeing the entire picture involving the dichotomy of the stance you take toward your mother and the rational,deeply honest view you have toward your lady friend.

But,I just feel that with these good feelings and values you see in your gf…that the relationship you have with her….irregardless of anyone elses views on it,are something that you've a right to indulge in…at your age…and in the development of your "relationship history".

I see that your family means a great deal to you…and I find it to be sooo valuable that you feel that way…have that…and enjoy it.But,that being said,there are boundaries in any relationship with any human outside your own physical body.In that….we all have lives to live.A history to create,our own choices to make,our own failures/successes to learn/grow from.With that in view…would it be right of you to exert a grandiose level of influence over any of your friends,mom,siblings…..choices for their lives?And if you did…where would their life-lessons begin and end?

I again realize it is your mothers home.She in fact has some bit of inalienable right perhaps,to say…I draw a line here or there as far as what I am comfortable with under my roof.Granted.However…that is where it ends.What you choose to do on your own time,aside from that which impacts the comfort level of others within your dwelling is your choice/right/say.

If your gf doesn't like your mum…can it be simply that she senses your mothers lingering eye over every breath she exudes?

Can she not comprehend that when you say…."I don't want to go live with gf…and have no intentions of doing so"….that your words are the truth?…If not,then why is that?Why doesn't your statement ring true to her when you say it?

You state…"possessive of me"…that's an astute observation .The entire thing resonates of an unhealthy degree of intrusion on your right to being a separate individual.All very freudian in fact.

If it all boils down to your mothers opinion being of such an importance to you…and you are fine with that…perhaps she can itemize all of what pleases /displeases her…and you can follow the format?IDK

"These glares"….do you give glares?…why should you get glares?…ugh…how annoying…jmo.

I want to say….I am UBER,SUPER,HUGELY….not trying to frustrate you with any of my views or statements…but you did post about all of it…and because I am a mum of a young man your age…whom I personally think is THE BEST person I ever met…..I was drawn to your circumstance and thereby compelled to answer…..therefore…you have it….my 2 cents.

Wolf p.s...your insight and interpretation far exceeds that of others your age...I am blown away!

[Detia]

Sorry that I have taken so long to respond. I have been taking time to try to sort things out and deal with the stress dealing with all of the above..

I have had a lot of people suggest that I sit down and talk with my mom, and I know that I should. Unfortunately I've long had a hard time just going up to her and asking her if we could "talk". So I've often preferred the method of slipping issues we've had or that I've been having into an easy going conversation, that way the heavy discussion still follows the flow of a relaxed and understanding conversation. However my preferred method also means that I am to the whimsy of if or not we have a conversation or if my younger sister is around.

So I really wasn't able to do this recently because the interraction between my mother and I consisted of a lot of stress and fighting until about three or four days ago. To me it seemed no matter how I behaved I was always 'disrespecting' and 'mistreating' my mother. She would say that I didn't know how to talk to her and that I showed her a great level of disrespect whenever I did talk or if I did anything. I know that I'm usually good about thinking back on my actions and words and being able to see what she saw, but I wasn't able to do that this time around...

So during many of the times that she would start yelling and ranting about the things I did wrong, I listened to her... But I didn't respond. I was surprised that she seemed okay with my not responding, while at the same time afraid that she'd get pissed off at me for 'closing off'. However I think the fact that I actually listened to what she had to say, she could tell that my body posture and facial expression was different than when I have actually closed off from what she was saying...

Anyway her and I had a conversation that she started... It was a bit less heated than the previous ones and she expressed concerned over my intended summer schedule. I have finally gotten a job, that's only part time and it's baby sitting for a friend of a friend. It's the first job I have ever gotten. She said that she didn't think that I was considering the good of the household with my decisions. So I expressed to her that this was my first job, that I have been tired of skipping out on job opportunities because of the potential of her finally getting a job. (My mom has be job hunting for several years, for some strange reason she doesn't qualify for unemployment. However I have always had to be aware that, no matter what kind of job I get it has to fit around the potential schedule of if my mom had a job.)

On top of that, I've already assumed that over 50% of my pay would end up going towards the household. I find that to be rather beneficial, rather than detrimental. For I will at least be supplying money for gas in the car this summer. Mom ended up dismissing me at the end of that conversation, because I told her that I did not understand her point of view about something else in the conversation that I can't recall at the moment... I think that this conversation may have been a turning point, because for the past four to three days mom has had a much more pleasant tone when talking to me. I haven't done anything different, however she isn't frequently yelling at me for things that I've said or done. So in return for her being more pleasant I've been spending more time with the family again and I even helped her with yard work.

Unfortunately there is plenty boiling under the surface, because instead of talking about it mom makes snide remarks to express her displeasure about something.

Oh thank you -Salukigirl- for the advice, a few times I did think about just leaving the house in a manner that could have caused a lot of problems.

- Leed - My mom is worried about my girlfriend thinking that she can take better care of me than my mom would. It may be a sense of jealousy, but I do know that she's insecure and doesn't want to see me 'stolen' or honestly Hurt by anyone. Let alone some chick that I've known for 9 months and have been dating for 8. To my mom this girl has no history with our family and my mom doesn't know the history of her family. Mom would much rather me date an old friend that has been around since I was three because she knows them and has since we were both three. I've so far decided not to let my mother ruin this relationship, I have been stubborn thus far and will continue to that I will only end this relationship because I see that it is no longer healthy for me in and of itself or I simply don't have an interest in her anymore. Which I and my girlfriend have talked about. If she and I need to have the 'just friends' talk, then that is perfectly fine and we will deal with it like adults when and if it happens.

My mom has tried to be respectful about it, however I just know her well enough to know fully that she hasn't liked the situation from teh beginning. My girlfriend really can't tell that my mother doesn't like her, because my mother gives respect and courtesy to anyone, even if she has no respect for them. Almost two-faced I suppose.

- Wolfsong - I really appreciate your 2 cents, and I would like to say thank you for expressing them.

I see my mother's concern too about the medication, I honestly do. However I am saddened that she doesn't think that I would go into taking the medication without doing research for myself... Being her daughter. I often don't approve of medication myself, I also hardly take any aspirin, tylonal, etc for headaches preferring to figure out why I had the headache in the first place, then using another means to get rid of it such as a warm rag on my face if it's sinus (which is usually is) or brushing my teeth if it's because I had too much sugar (we have sensitive teeth in our family.. lol those are the two main causes of my headaches. )

She knows about that preference as well, and I've grown up hearing of her skepticism on medication for any sort of mental disorder or what have you. I did research and read statemetns from patients that have taken the medication as well before reading it... and even though I know that the medications can increase suicidal thoughts and etc. This medication ended mine... Or else I would have called the doctor right away and had a discussion about alternatives.... And while my mom says that she has done research on this medication and knows everything about it... Other comments she has made does not lead me to believe that. Moreso I believe that she has made a generalization... I have tried to explain it more to her, however she will shut down on me on that matter... I'm sure she has reasons of her own about being so very against it, for she made a comment: "that is not one I have tried before" in reference to my medication. So perhaps she has had very poor experience with anti-depressants herself for struggling with depression is a family issue that's not well coped with...

My mom and her glares, she is a very silent communicator. Mostly body language and facial expressions are all one needs to pay attention to in order to understand what her true opinion is on everything. However she might take for granted that she can read other's body language so well, and thus expects others to read hers just as well. Many people are not so attuned to reading body-language however. it took me many years as her daughter to understand myself. So if she doesn't want to pull me aside and remind me of an opinion or if she doesn't want to speak it with others present, she will glare or express something facially.

A lot of my perception of her has been shattered... and I am starting to understand that my boundaries with my mother are ones that I certainly have to work on. However she encourages my boundaries to be where they have been, for she wants me to be grateful and helpful towards her for having raised me, protected me, fed me and taught me. In a very simple term it seems that she wants my world to revolve around her. At the same time she wants me to be an individual and to strive on my own way. There is a confliction she is causing in this way of raising me, however I'm not certain if she's unaware of it or if she's actually doing it on purpose as a means to teach me how to deal with certain things in my adult life. My mother is a tricky woman like that and there are several times I've realized how much conscious thought and effort she has put into a situation to ensure that I learn something that she thinks may be essential to my adult hood.

So either way, I'm grateful that her and I are getting along so much better at the moment, I'm taking extra steps to show her that I appreciate it to, that I haven't been going through this situation ignorant of the undercurrents. However I know that, at least for myself as an individual, I need to start doing things differently for myself. I'm keeping aware of potential living situations, job openings and future schools to see what I can do about finances and eventually getting out into the world on my own. The reality is that one day I will not be living in my mother's house, and one day I will be supporting myself. Perhaps with a partner in a room-mate or romance... But that will be a different situation than with my mother. I think it is something for my mother and sister to also learn that I will not always be there as the middle-person to fall back on.

Hahaha, ah life... and the things that it does.

Thank you all for reading and responding to what I've had to say.. It means a lot and I truely do appreciate the insight and perspective all three of you have offered me.

I am pleased you returned to your post.I have been randomly checking in as to an update.And here it is....lol

As far as you approaching a subject for discussion with her...you are the only one who can know how best to navigate your approach with her.The surrounding circumstances do seem to require forethought.

I am pleased to hear that you are finding a bit of clarity and perspective on the exchanges with your mum.

"afraid" she'd 'get pissed at me for closing off'.....>.< Akk...you possess the right to shut down and ponder.It does help a mum for you to say...I need to assess this before we go further...but,you don't even owe a mum that bit.

Let me get this straight...she's been job hunting for several years...and thus at any given time,since she could 'possibly' get a job......you've skipped out on your own opportunities?This is 'Your' 18th year...she had hers."Always had to be aware" "Fit around the potential schedule" of hers....(((((What madness and unhealthy exchanges)))))...Sorry....This is just frustrating that you are in such a confusing circumstance.Life isn't supposed to look like this for you at 18.

Quote
[I think that this conversation may have been a turning point, because for the past four to three days mom has had a much more pleasant tone when talking to me. I haven't done anything different, however she isn't frequently yelling at me for things that I've said or done. So in return for her being more pleasant I've been spending more time with the family again and I even helped her with yard work.]

This is good.....

[My mom and her glares, she is a very silent communicator. Mostly body language and facial expressions are all one needs to pay attention to in order to understand what her true opinion is on everything. However she might take for granted that she can read other's body language so well, and thus expects others to read hers just as well. Many people are not so attuned to reading body-language however. it took me many years as her daughter to understand myself. So if she doesn't want to pull me aside and remind me of an opinion or if she doesn't want to speak it with others present, she will glare or express something facially.]

Okee...I have done this...but,I always come out of it and will talk...mostly because my son is like a giant brain .....lol....and he calls me on my sh'' lol.But,we always end up discussing stuff later very diplomatically and with an ability I have to see things from all sides.(Which is actually disturbing to me...because since I can see things from all sides I flop around sporadically in my views...)<---really abhor this about my self.

Wow...there's alot I'd like to say about my interpretations of all of this.Unfortunately,I do need to consider my impact on your attitude...and mood...and the relationship itself.What I don't want to do is influence further dissension in your home.

It is possible for you to interact with any sort of therapist,school counselor...a very balanced parent of a friend who can try not to allow themselves to cause you two to be pitted against one another?

Your mum sounds passive aggressive.Almost as if...the abject forcefulness didn't work ...so...she's approaching the runway differently after circling back round.I can't be there and see what actually is going on...but,

My entire feel...is...ugghhh this is an 18 year old.Why should you have to consume your time with this crud rather than study...or any other activity?

On the other hand...a part of me says that this whole scenario may be viewed as potentially something which is a lesson on interaction with those you encounter once out there on your own...experience under your belt.

I can't help but feel that my words have had a big impact on the following statement

[A lot of my perception of her has been shattered... and I am starting to understand that my boundaries with my mother are ones that I certainly have to work on]

[she wants me to be grateful and helpful towards her for having raised me, protected me, fed me and taught me. In a very simple term it seems that she wants my world to revolve around her. At the same time she wants me to be an individual and to strive on my own way. There is a confliction she is causing in this way of raising me, however I'm not certain if she's unaware of it or if she's actually doing it on purpose]

I think at base...this is not conscious on her part.I think if you step back....would you see that this is a pattern with her in her life in general?

[I'm grateful that her and I are getting along so much better at the moment.However I know that, at least for myself as an individual, I need to start doing things differently for myself. I'm keeping aware of potential living situations, job openings and future schools to see what I can do about finances and eventually getting out into the world on my own. The reality is that one day I will not be living in my mother's house, and one day I will be supporting myself. Perhaps with a partner in a room-mate or romance... But that will be a different situation than with my mother. I think it is something for my mother and sister to also learn that I will not always be there as the middle-person to fall back on.]

Again....you amaze me.....just...yeah...you really do.

[Thank you all for reading and responding].....Thank you for sharing...as,I had gained an opportunity to step back and take inventory of me as a mum.

WO.olf

idk...update when you get a chance.

[Detia]

Wow, it has been a very long time since I've looked at this. It has been a really long time since I have been to psych-central.

Okay so, I don't know if anyone is still paying attention but I feel like updating this for those who potentially are.

Right now I am 20. Certain plans have not worked out in my favor for some time and I still live with my family. We are currently making plans to move out of state together and for me I feel like it's a last family hurrah before I finally leave the nest.

A for the relationship between I and my Mom, well... We have slipped in and out of old patterns quite a lot. I wish that she and I could have diplomatic conversations like you have been able to have with your son, Wolf. Those are hard to come by depending on how stressed my mother is.

I am not with my girlfriend anymore, and since then I have had a boyfriend and we have broken up as well. I am still friends with the both of them, and they are absolutely amazing and supportive for me despite our reasons for breaking off the relationships.

Oh boy, where do I start...

I've realized that a lot of issue between I and my Mom has a lot to do with stress management and communication. There were a lot of issues that caused my mom to have a fowl mood that I was never made aware of, such as financial. Financial reasons are probably one of the BIGGEST stressors in our household and I really didn't realize how quickly my mom's mood could go from good to fowl because she resented her inability to provide for us, while she is also stressing about every bill that has to be paid.

I have watched her fill out applications and make phone calls and she has still been unable to find a job to support me and my little sister. At the same time she is growing depressed, bored, and anxious in the house.

I finally have a job and while I work more than twice minimum wage, I work less than part-time. I also commute. So most of the money I make goes into the car that I earned by babysitting last year.

I am trying to learn to be honest, calm, and patient with my mom because she jumps to wild conclusions. I have found that if her wild conclusions are ignored she'll take the conclusion as a fact and that creates a lot of misunderstanding. So I have had to grow a back-bone when it comes to asserting myself to her and it's really not easy a lot of the time. It's not always easy to keep calm and level-headed in the face of someone else who is not being calm and level headed.

Right now I feel like my Mom is now just a person I live with than my actual parent. There is no real parental role that she has to fulfill for me anymore and honestly, the last roles that she could have filled were not met. So I am okay, I have found my own way through a lot of things and I have found again and again that I am a more resourceful individual than I may have once thought. I have very caring friends, and their families usually adopt me too! So I have many people I can go to about advice for this thing, or that situation. The only issue I have with it is that I have difficulty approaching people, I much prefer to ask advice when I just happen to be hanging out in their vicinity rather than calling them up when they might be in the middle of something.

Boundaries are always a thing I'm working on still, but they have gotten much better. .... We actually had a big fight two weeks ago where I ended up running out of the house because she came at me physically and I was afraid that she might slap me. Which she rarely does, but has notably done so 2 times in the past year. (honestly, I have trouble with this most recent fight because while I know she didn't hit me, my brain keeps registering it as 'close enough'.)

We talked after that fight, and she admitted to me how much she is struggling. I'm trying to get her to understand that even though I'm her child and she raised me, I'm not longer in my minority and she needs to start respecting me and treating me as an adult so that I can get used to being an adult. This means that, unless she wants to, she doesn't need to hide as much from me just because she thinks a child doesn't need to know the trouble that a parent is having.

Honestly I think it's better to understand the position that the family is in, and I think that it is better to discuss what is going on so that everyone can pull in and help for the situation. For example, if I know that we're struggling to make ends meet with food I might consider not bringing friends over at the end of the month, and if I have extra money and see that we're out of milk, I might go buy a gallon.

There's nothing wrong with helping out with basic family affairs as a 20 year old, I don't think.

It also helps to know what kind of stressors are going on so that, hopefully, we don't have another situation like 2 weeks ago where she was so stressed out that she created an unnecessary negative atmosphere. I did end up finally fueling the fire after I was offended that she told a manager in an interview that she didn't have a babysitter for my little sister even though I had already agreed to play the part of babysitter if it meant she could get a job. Ultimately the manager ended up putting her off repeatedly and never gave her a 'yes' or a 'no'.

I am beyond ready to move out and live on my own because as I realize that I don't really have a place among the family that makes me comfortable right now, I also realize that my Mom and sister are just not the kind of people I like to hang out with. It's surprising how different we all are from each other, but we don't have the same sense of humor, or even the same sense in values.

Living together is pretty difficult, but like I said at the beginning of this thing, I just haven't been able to move out yet. I really don't want to move into a worse situation, either. I had plans to move in with 3 friends, but only 1 of the 3 ended up moving and so that plan got scrapped. Which was very stressful at the time, early September, because I was very ready to move and I had prepped myself to adjusting to living with these 3 people.

I have had the option to move in with my ex boyfriend, but I don't feel comfortable with moving in with his family. I would want to live on my own, I would like to work my 1 or 2 jobs and pay my own rent, pay my own bills. Mostly I would like this for the sense of independence I have had since I was young. If I am paying for all of this, then I won't feel like I have to really adjust myself to make everyone else 100% happy. If I am covering my own expenses, then I feel I would be more comfortable in asserting any needs that I have. One major need is my own space, because I frequently need time alone to cool off or recharge. I would not have my own space in my ex-boyfriends house. I would also not pay forward to any bills, because that's what his family requested of me if I moved in.

Honestly it sounds like a cushy deal, but I'm not interested in picking up a new set of parental units. I am interested in caring for myself.

Maybe at 18 I should have been more worried about school or whatever part-time job I may have been working at the time. I have gone to college on and off since, but I have not had a good time of it. As a part time student I took 2 classes at a time, and for a short while I was working a babysitting job from 12pm-12am, then going to class at 7:30am. Each and every semester I have gone to college so far I have passed 1 class with a C or higher, and I have failed one class. This has done poorly for my GPA and currently if I want to go to college I will need to come up with the funding on my own, or go to a different college that will accept my financial aid.

Oy, my Mom. I realize that she has strong emotions and passions, she also has many fatal flaws... Like any other human being. I appreciate all that she has done for me, and I truly appreciate that she has been my mother. There are things that could have been better, of course. However as a single parent, starting parenthood at 19 and keeping it together so far, I think she has done a miraculous job.

I think that things may not have been so hard for us all, and I think that perhaps she would have been better at communicating if it were not for the financial stress that we have been under since my sister was born. She was born at the beginning of the recession, and my Mom was not given her job back after going on maternity leave. It has been since then that we have been struggling financially because she has had a hard time finding a job. Let alone finding a job that also allows her to be here physically for her kids, which is very important to her.

I love my little sister will all of my heart, even though she's a pre-adolescent jerk sometimes.

So I'm still trying to keep things going good. I still appreciate all of these comments and all of this input from you guys, so thank you very much.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Leed

It sounds to me that your Mother is INSANELY JEALOUS of your girlfriend -- and your girlfriend senses this -- thus the static between them. I'm sure your girlfriend can tell when your mother just LOOKS at her, that she isn't wanted around your mother. Women can sense these things. I would hope that you would talk to your Mother and let her know that who you choose as a mate or girlfriend is YOUR business, and if she doesn't like it, oh well. Afterall, YOU are the one who will have to live with any prospective mate -- not her. And remind her that YOU will do the choosing of your mate - not her.

Some mothers done like ANY female the son brings home -- perhaps she sees this one as being closer to your "chosen one" as any that you've brought home and that's why she doesn't like her. Mom needs to be put in her place -- nicely but sternly. Just a warning. Hugs, Lee

So true! When my aunt was pregnant, she used to say "if this is a boy, I ALREADY HATE HER".

She had a girl.