I have been experiencing a lot of rejection as I continue spending time on this dating website. I included a few facts about myself on my profile, first that I am unemployed and also that I have never had a girlfriend, and I think since putting these facts up, women have stayed away from me.

I can probably work on the job part, but there is no real way I can gain experience with women without first gaining their acceptance.

This whole experience has made me feel resentful of women, and I am attributing rejection to women I see walking down the street, thinking that they seem nice enough but they would reject me. And they probably would, I'm realistic enough to know that.

So what's this thread about? What's my question? I guess I want to know how you deal with rejection, and whether the level of rejection I am experiencing is normal or not. I have had women ask me out before, but that was a while ago, and it was in 'real life', not online, and I've always said 'no' in order to avoid talking to them. But on this dating website where I have been talking to women, I am being rejected all the time.

Well... take off the negative stuff off your dating profile!! Those things are there to sell yourself. Its good to be honest, but some stuff, like not being on dates before, isn't really anyone's business until you get to know them..

And.. please forgive me for saying the next bit, but after reading your other posts about being asked, you have to learn to help yourself. I wonder why you're on the dating site, when whenever you are asked on a date you find all sorts of reasons why you should'nt go. I recall you running out on one lady too? It comes over that you're the one rejecting them.

In the nicest possible way, you should just go for it. Go on a date, whoever asks you! You're in danger of building up this dating stuff into a real mountain and getting it all out of proportion, and by the looks of your post, you're feeling resentment towards women, when in reality, its not the women that are doing anything wrong. Its the way you act, sorry.

I do mean the above in the kindest way, and I really would love to read on here in the future that you've finally gone on a date!! Of course first dates are hard on the nerves, but they're also really good fun too, if you let them be.

Best of luck

Hey, YOU turned down the last woman who asked you on a date. Just WHO is rejecting WHOM here?

Take the negative information off of your profile as a start. It's kind of like saying, "Here I am, but you won't like me because I'm unemployed and can't get anyone to go out with me." Honestly, would YOU buy that product? That doesn't mean you have to lie, but how about "selling" your positive qualities? What positive qualities have you given about yourself?

Personally, you'd have better luck if you were to get actively involved in something you are interested in: a club, a service organization, a church, a committee of some sort. Actually MEET people who share your interests in something. Get involved in real life out there. You will start out with a commonality; that's where relationships start, not on some on-line, anonymous dating site. Yes, those work for some people, but the people I know who used them and successfully found a relationship were outgoing, involved, confident individuals to start off with. They didn't "need" the website, but they used it as a tool in their toolkit.

Work on developing some real-life relationships, with both men and women. Your confidence with improve and so will your desirability down the road.

Thanks guys, I realise I am doing some rejecting, but it is really because I am too nervous and I feel that this other woman was out of my league. She was a professional and all her friends were professionals, and she has hobbies and she travels, etc. I am nothing like that, so I didn't think I could go on a date there.

Yes that is good advice to get out and active. I am starting a tai chi class this week, or at least I am meant to, but I'm not ready. I think this week I will just go up to the building and have a look around and maybe go next week.

I don't mean that I resent women as a whole, i just have distorted negative thoughts now that they will reject me.

I will take down the negative stuff, but what happens when they ask me what I do? That's going to come up anyway IMO?

[shezbut]

Well, you could say that you're working upon yourself. That you're taking fitness classes, and whatever else (positive) that you're doing. Like volunteer work? Arts and crafts? Writing? Whatever...

Where did you meet the ladies IRW who asked you out on a date? Did you talk with them very much about yourself? If so, try to use some of that positive experience towards your experiences with ladies on the web. Something I used to always yell at myself (in my brain) when I experienced major anxiety disorder was, "STOP IT!!". I'd say it over and over again, whenever my thoughts/fears went to the dark side & I couldn't stop kicking myself. You may want to try that tactic to help you gain an upper hand in fighting your anxiety.

Best wishes to you!

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Thanks guys, I realise I am doing some rejecting, but it is really because I am too nervous and I feel that this other woman was out of my league. She was a professional and all her friends were professionals, and she has hobbies and she travels, etc. I am nothing like that, so I didn't think I could go on a date there.

Yes that is good advice to get out and active. I am starting a tai chi class this week, or at least I am meant to, but I'm not ready. I think this week I will just go up to the building and have a look around and maybe go next week.

I don't mean that I resent women as a whole, i just have distorted negative thoughts now that they will reject me.

I will take down the negative stuff, but what happens when they ask me what I do? That's going to come up anyway IMO?

I like Shez's suggestion about saying your working on yourself. And in this day and climate, I don't think its so hard to admit to not working at the moment - there's many a decent person out there who's been suffering with the recession.

I hope you get to go to your tai chi class - and looking around was fruitful. Good luck with everything and online dating, and please remember a few things - you're a good person and would have a lot to offer (even if not material things like a job), kindness and thoughtfulness can go a long way. You don't need to tell your life story or negative sides immediately, its nobody's business, so side-step anything too personal. And finally, please dont forget dating is as scary as you let it be, you may actually start to have fun :-)

[honeybee777]

Toilet I know your a awesome person, and I know that your very cute, and I know that your very witty and funny, so your personality and your keen looks will get you some one, you need to stop rejecting yourself!