[DevilsMatrix]

Sinking lower today.
I know its expected, but I've been feeling so great recently. And now... its all kinda dawning on me. Yesterday night, I was on such a high.. I ending up running around town at 12.00am with a friend. Then that friend went away... and a guy friend begged me to come over...
I wouldn't say it was rape, because I never told him to stop. So realy, its my fault this ever happened. I'm just a little depressed.. I promised myself I'd never let him go that far. I've spent 3 years telling him 'not now', and for 6 months of that time we were dating. Now its all for nothing, just because I was feeling reckless...
Wow.

How can I avoid this in the future...? its so hard, when I'm on a high like that. At the time, it all made so much sense.

I'm 15 this year. I didn't even love him.

[Confusedinomicon]

I think you need to see a gyno and talk about starting birth control and use condoms.

Youre likely to do it again so its better to be prepared so there are no unwanted pregnancies. You also want to protect yourself from stds.

Sound advice about getting some protection, pregnancy or a STD can happen so easily.

And please do not blame yourself. You didn't say no this once, but it does not mean its your fault. You've been saying no for 3 years, that's pretty awesome, esp as peer pressure is strong and can be so hard to keep saying no.
If you can try and remember how low you've felt since if and when another man pressures you, it may make things a little easier to say no when you're on a high.

Think of it as experience, and please don't beat yourself up - we all learn by our mistakes, sexual or otherwise, and I think everyone, at any age, keeps on learning!

Originally Posted by riotgrrrl

You've been saying no for 3 years, that's pretty awesome, esp as peer pressure is strong and can be so hard to keep saying no.

Agreed. You did well saying no for 3 years and the fact is, sure you didn't say no or stop him this time but the blame is on him simply for the fact that after 3 years, he should have stopped asking. It's like it seems like he persisted in the fact that he figured one of these times your guard would be down like that night. Well I put more of the burden on him in that a caring friend or SO would not put so much pressure on someone he knows can be weak but also knows what their real desire is (to abstain with them) A real man would go out of his way to protect your needs and respect the boundaries already set, not constantly test the line until it breaks.

Don't take too much of the guilt to heart please.

Also do follow the other advice too - be protected for those times when you weaken.

I say do everything you can to find other outlets for your mania and avoid those at all costs that you know will take advantage of you. Find a way out ahead of time when you're thinking clearly so when it happens you have the plan already in place.

~S4

[DevilsMatrix]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

A real man would go out of his way to protect your needs and respect the boundaries already set, not constantly test the line until it breaks.

~S4

I cant wait until I find a man like this =]

Thankyou all for your advice. I didn't think much of the three years I went saying no, but if its a good thing to have done, I'll try and focus on this. I do agree about the protection and stuff, and I'm working on this at the moment. I don't want to be caught off-guard again.. at least if I make the mistake again, I can be sure nothing but my mental state will change. Hopefully not even that. Thankyou all for your empathy. I'm going to try and have a plan in place with a friend for when I get like that again.

[hamster-bamster]

Can you stop seeing him? He is an annoying guy - you tell him one thing in a clearcut manner and he keeps pushing his agenda, pushing you over the edge, putting his needs and desires first. He is not going to change is he has not already been able to change. It is unrealistic to expect him to behave better next time in the face of your evidence. Just drop him. You are a young woman and should not have trouble finding someone else.

[hamster-bamster]

And, it happens now and again to non-bipolar young women who lack assertiveness.

[DevilsMatrix]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

C You are a young woman and should not have trouble finding someone else.

Aw you inspire me
Thankyou so much. I have realised that he's not going to change... I guess everynowandthen when he's really sweet and 'understanding' it gives me faulse hope. I'm coming to realise that its all an act.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by DevilsMatrix

Aw you inspire me
Thankyou so much. I have realised that he's not going to change... I guess everynowandthen when he's really sweet and 'understanding' it gives me faulse hope. I'm coming to realise that its all an act.

Exactly. Plus, life is an experiment: you collect data and process your data and draw conclusions. In your case, you have already compiled more than enough data showing that he is not going to change. Time to draw your conclusions and move on.

[DevilsMatrix]

Moving on. Easier said than done, but always, always possible. =]

[GirlOfManyFaces]

I understand you

[DevilsMatrix]

i'm so glad you do

[Bipolar mom]

Never blame your self, it took me a long time, but I finally have no regrets, you will learn to feel the same way. Most guys that age don't get it, they think with there man parts... Not with there heads lol. You seem to be very mature for your age and have a good head on your shoulders... Try not to stress it.

I slept with 13 guys from age 15 to 17 almost all during manic/hypo manic states, so I completely understand how you feel. I was around your age when i got my diagnosis. feel free to pm me if you ever have any questions, or need to vent.

[DevilsMatrix]

Wow. =] Thankyou so much, and I'll make sure of it. I try to be as sensable as I can, I'm getting the impression that guys around my age... well. =] You understand.

Originally Posted by DevilsMatrix

I cant wait until I find a man like this =]

And you will. They are out there. Unfortunately you can't know right off the bat if that's the type of man he is. It takes time to get to know someone to the point of knowing whether they'll take care of you or not. With that in mind, and considering your mania at times, be extra careful not to get carried away with any guy you start dating and fall for them too fast. Everyone has their best foot forward during the early days of a relationship, during courting.

[DevilsMatrix]

I will try and remember this. Trust no one... untill you can be absolutely 120% sure? I don't want this to happen again... chances are it will, but I'm going to try and be very careful of people.