[jcl76]

I have searching for so long about my prior relationships as to why we connected, loved each other, and couldn't let go time after time. I was wondering how two people can love each other so much yet cant go a year without breaking up 5 times and just cannot seem to make it work.

Well I finally found the answer that I have been looking for, so I have to share. I am a classic case of a co-dependent and she is narcissistic. I put her before me, and she was all about herself. It is easy to see how codependents and narcissists get hooked up. It is like two pieces of the puzzle coming together.

Narcissists can be very skilled at dodging and ducking personal questions. If you press them, they will then slot you as “unsafe” and will begin to avoid you and exclude you from their life. EXACTLY what happened.

I admit I am a classic case of a co-dependent, and it is actually excited to finally get this answers I have been seeking and knowing is half the battle to recovery.

[~Christina]

Glad you were able to figure it out Now just do some work on you so that you wont be as co dependant and I would imagine your next relationship will be much better!

[jcl76]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

Glad you were able to figure it out Now just do some work on you so that you wont be as co dependant and I would imagine your next relationship will be much better!

I know! I feel like I won the lottery! My therapist loves in when I walk in and share what I have discovered. Makes for great sessions.

[jcl76]

I know this plays in to exactly what I discovered, but I still miss her. Its hard to break free from thinking about her and not me. It really is like a drug, I suppose. I actually sent her a article about narcissistic/ codependent relationships that absolutely spelled out our relationship to a "T". I didnt expect a response which I ddint get, and blocked her email and phone number for good, but still in my mind I hope she hears what the article says and gets help (which I think is a 5% chance), but still hope she does. The toughest thing is know all of her great qualities are what I want in a life partner, and we connect there. But we connected because of our disorders as well. The more I read I hear that narcissitics dont change usually until something really bad happens to them scares me and my heart breaks for that, because at some level I do care greatly for her.

[hamster-bamster]

5% chance is being seriously optimistic.

[NoCake]

In my experience if the person doesn't somehow decide to get help then the only way a change will occur is if they have a sort of culture shock that causes a massive loss of self esteem. It's really sad.

[jcl76]

I have researched that and everyone says the same thing. She drinks and her parents have tried to get her to rehab, but she will go 6 months where all is well, and she has 3 glasses a wine a night and nothing drastic happens. She has a 2 year old boy. It terrifies me.

Originally Posted by NoCake

In my experience if the person doesn't somehow decide to get help then the only way a change will occur is if they have a sort of culture shock that causes a massive loss of self esteem. It's really sad.

[jcl76]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

5% chance is being seriously optimistic.

I pray we are wrong

[SSaysRelapse]

I am in the same situation you are in. And like you, I cannot help but still care for and love her. But alas, I finally did stand up for myself, did apologize for the last argument in how I reacted, but not for what happened, which was entirely her fault. Being a narcissist, she'll probably never apologize and it's more than likely the end of the road. It's just unfortunate that I would take her back in a heart beat if she'd have me...

[jcl76]

Man, I totally get it! Being in a narcisstic relationship is the easiest to fall into and the hardest to get out of and let go. It steals your self worth big time. I just went to a support group tonight for co-dependents that totally opened my eyes to MY issues and not hers, which we cannot control. We just have to stay focused on ourselves and know we deserve better. Either way I still care and lover her, but its not my issue anymore. She has to fix herself and there is nothing I can do to make her see that.

Originally Posted by SSaysRelapse

I am in the same situation you are in. And like you, I cannot help but still care for and love her. But alas, I finally did stand up for myself, did apologize for the last argument in how I reacted, but not for what happened, which was entirely her fault. Being a narcissist, she'll probably never apologize and it's more than likely the end of the road. It's just unfortunate that I would take her back in a heart beat if she'd have me...