[SeptemberMorn]

What do we women want and NEED from our men?

There's a thread going about what women should do for their MEN. How about giving our men tips on what WE need?

I'll start...

1) Loyalty - I need to be #1 or not at all.
2) Sincerety and honesty - no fake show of affection and no LIES of any kind, white, grey, black. To me a lie is a lie. Fake is fake... not from the heart.

That's a start but by no means ALL. Who else has something to add? What do you need from your man?

[wi_fighter]

As a single woman, I want to know where I stand. If a guy isn't looking for an exclusive relationship, I want to know. I don't want to be strung along, thinking that we're getting along great, only to find out that he's got half a dozen other women on the line.

I don't want to play second fiddle to a porn fixation. Been there, done that. How humiliating to have a guy finish his "duties" up quickly so he can go stare at a 20-y/o Asian porn star to take care of himself.

Respect for the intimate details of our relationship. I don't want to walk into your office for a lunch date and have a dozen guys leering at me.

[darkeyes]

Your number 1 and 2, I agree.
I'd also like to add my feelings, see below.

Love,honesty,loyalty and respect, have no genders.
These are things that make relationships work.
Rather, it be in heterosexual or gay relationships, the mutuality of it is what makes a relationship work, without those things, there is no point in staying with someone, unless things can be worked out involving both partners.
This also applies with just about any other relationships, for example friends,family, and yes, even our pets.
Just my 2 cents.

[SeptemberMorn]

Could we add "If you say you're going to call, do it in a timely manner... and mean it!!" ?

emotional openness. no stuffing of feelings.
honesty!!!!!!
fairness in all dealings with me.
no condesending references to my being a female and/or "that time of month"...i'm too old for that, but i resent a sister being talked to that way.
monogamy....

[SeptemberMorn]

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monogamy

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In EVERY sense of the word! That means porn, topless bars, etc! To me, that falls under the heading of "keeping himself only unto ME".

Call me old fashioned, but if you commit adultry in person, you can also commit it in your heart and mind by having "fantasy affairs" with the Playboy centerfold or with someone online.

[Rhapsody]

Besides the obvious..... LOVE, TRUST, RESPECT, LOYALTY

I NEED:

1.) To be LOVED and feel LOVED - from my POV not just his

2.) That I am an emotional creature.... and that is why I will often CRY.

3.) I want security..... emotionally, physically & financailly

4.) That I do not always want you to FIX IT - just listen some times

5.) If I crave less sex.... it is not about YOU or my desire for YOU

6.) I need to know that YOU still find me BEAUTIFUL after all these years (reassurance)

7.) AND - a basic understanding of his Needs.... and him of mine

* * * * * * * *

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[wi_fighter]

Post deleted by wi_fighter

[SeptemberMorn]

To each his own, Hon!

If I was single... HEY WAIT!! I am, aren't I? LOL ... but then, I'm not looking, but if I was, my man would have to share the same strong beliefs in the same faith as I do.

whatever rocks your boat! and your boat will soon be rocking!

[mrb020377]

my main thing is:

NO DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!!!!!!

[wi_fighter]

Yeah. None of that "Honey, you'd be sooooo much happier if you just dropped a few pounds." (Spoken by a man who looks 18 months pregnant with twins).

[SeptemberMorn]

How about Clear, Concise Communication? Either party need to make sure they understand what the other means!

Simple example: To me, "a couple" means TWO. To Jerry, it meant anything MORE than TWO. Both parties need to make sure they're on the same page about the words they use.

aha, you nailed it, tomi!! THE SAME PAGE! makes no difference how different our relationships might be from one another's.....it boils down to both partners being on the same page.

[SeptemberMorn]

Having been married twice and both marraige were considered "long", I learned a few things that are and are not important to me.

My first husband killed me with kindness on one hand and abused me verbally and mentally with the other.

3) THOUGHTFULLNESS!! If you're going to give me gifts, THINK about what you're giving me. Do I need it? Do I already have one? Is it something I would use? Have I mentioned I would like one? Have I mentioned a favorite color, a favorite flower?

My first husband's greatest gift, he thought, was to buy me a cumbersome hair drier... while I was in beauty school!! Why on earth would I want a hair drier when I had a huge building full of them??? I also had a very compact hair drier that my mom had given me BEFORE I started beauty school! That was one of my most disappointing Christmases EVER!!

I know I'm not your mother, but on Mother's Day, remember I AM a mother! (For Jerry, I had your child and raised the basket case I got with the package that was you! I deserve recognition for simply having bore him for nine months, the sacrifices I made in order to have a healthy child, etc.) With YOUR child, I stayed up nights with him, cleaned up his barf every time he came back from his birth mothers, took him to the dr when he came beaten up by her boyfriends). Do something special for me! Same on my birthday. If our wedding anniversary is just like any other day for you, it's not for ME. Do what it takes to remember those days and show your appreciation! I don't need new cars, new houses, diamonds, expensive cruises, or expensive clothes. I need to know YOU CARE in small ways.

4) CHIVALRY/GENTLEMANLINESS Open the door for me whether I need you to or not.

Pull out my chair at restaurants.

Walk on the outside if we're on a sidewalk. Allow me to go first through a tight squeeze, unless it would be better to break up a crowd for me instead.

What I want and NEED more than anything is YOU. I need YOU to share of yourself, your thoughts, your dreams, your TIME.

[wi_fighter]

If you think we're moody and difficult to deal with normally, don't bring up how great of a lover/cook/entertainer/lap dancer/whatever your former wife/girlfriend is/was. It has a tendency to make us feel inadequate and constantly wondering how we're doing in comparison.

the killing with kindness and gifts and abusing me emotionally really got to me, tomi........everyone thought he was the perfect person. he sure appeared to be.

he did admit, during our divorce, that when ANYTHING happened where one or the other of us would look bad, he manipulated the situation so i always came off as the villian. i spent 16 years shaking my head and wondering what had just happened in those situations? that alone, will make a person think they are crazy.

so, respect and honesty for me is so important.

[SeptemberMorn]

Yeah! My first X used to do that to me!! Maryann this and Maryann that! Now he does it to his third wife Tomi this and Tomi that! No wonder she hates me!

[SeptemberMorn]

His name wouldn't happen to be Bob, would it?? From Missouri, the "show me state"?? ARGH!!!! You sure sound like you're talking about him!

[LMo]

I'm going to focus on the positive things rather than the things I wish my husband would do to show me that he loves me:

Things that my husband does that I really appreciate:
- at random times, such as when I walk in the door after work or just came back from a bike ride, he tells me I look 'great!' (I like that so much better than 'beautiful' or 'hot' or things like that -- 'great' sounds more sincere to me for some reason)

- he makes me tea

- if I'm working late (at home), he'll make me dinner without asking, and bring it to me

- he is really REALLY nice to my friends - I love that about him

- when we're doing something that is easy for him but harder for me (sports, usually), he is incredibly supportive and really makes me feel like I'm doing a good job

- he hugs me a lot

- he always looks really happy and says what a good 'cat mom' I am, whenever I take care of them in some way (clip their nails, brush them, wash their bowls... whatever -- he always appreciates it)

- he brings me flowers (even better, plants sometimes) when he knows I'm feeling down about something. One time he bought me a really sweet coffee mug (I know... sounds mundane, but it was hip and cute) with a chocolate bar. He really is a sweet guy.

- when he gets ice cream or some kind of dessert for himself, he always gets some for me, too (even though I feel like I don't deserve it)

... so, they are simple, random things that mean a lot to me. Those are the tips I would give men.

[darkeyes]

This is my take on such issues.
Love,honesty,loyalty and respect, have no genders.
These are things that make relationships work.
Rather, it be in heterosexual or gay relationships, the mutuality of it is what makes a relationship work, without those things, there is no point in staying with someone, unless things can be worked out involving both partners.
Many of this can apply with just about any other relationships, for example friends,family, and yes, even our pets.
I think almost everyone would like to have love,loyalty,respect and honesty from our mates, as well as friends and family.
Just my 2 cents.

[LMo]

brava DE - well said!

[PasDeDeux]

PERFECT post darkeyes

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darkeyes said:
This is my take on such issues.
Love,honesty,loyalty and respect, have no genders.
These are things that make relationships work.
Rather, it be in heterosexual or gay relationships, the mutuality of it is what makes a relationship work, without those things, there is no point in staying with someone, unless things can be worked out involving both partners.
Many of this can apply with just about any other relationships, for example friends,family, and yes, even our pets.
I think almost everyone would like to have love,loyalty,respect and honesty from our mates, as well as friends and family.
Just my 2 cents.

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[PasDeDeux]

LMO My husband holds my hand when we drive anywhere.
He always opens doors for me even at home
He cooks and cleans without being told
He buys me flowers weekly. Not a ton of a lot but a few.
He writes me emails daily and calls to just chat
I know he does more but I am tired
His head doesn't turn when other women walk by
He sets towels out for me every night


He annoys me a lot too but he is human too

that is sooooooooooo cool.......PasDeDeux.........you deserve all of it.......xoxoxo pat