A Revelation

Well, I've come to the realization that through all my efforts with Andy it will never work out. I've started to write a letter to him to end things. I'm not pointing out anything he's done wrong or that's happened in our relationship. I simply wrote down (I am no good at verbalizing things so I write letters) that we want completely different things, have grown apart, and have different values/morals.

The truth is, something I would never let him know, that I am not bisexual. I've taken quiz after quiz, talked to people and counselors and they all say the same thing...I'm not bi...I'm a closet lesbian.

With how I feel about men, their bodies, never being able to connect, bond, or relate to them and never have my needs met by men it really does all fit.

I mean how many straight or bi women only get aroused by women, think the male body is the most disgusting thing on earth, cannot feel comfortable around any man no matter what, and only feel comfortable around women...and actually feel pleasure from women and not men??? I don't know any.

It is not going to be easy ... but it has been a long time coming. I wish you much strength, courage and support during this time!!

....hard one. Glad you're taking care of yourself.

Well, I've budgeted my bills as if Andy wasn't here at all...I finished Andy's letter and even wrote a "coming out" letter to my dad. He's the only one I really care about as far as what he thinks...so I don't really know how he'll take it. I know he won't disown me or anything but he'll have a really hard time with it.

I'm planning on ending things with Andy on Thursday. He'll have enough time to call his dad because knowing him he'll want to leave ASAP. He doesn't have anywhere else to go really except back to Pittsburgh to live with his dad. I feel guilty about all this but it's something I really can't control.

good luck lexi

if this is really how you feel, then you are definitely doing the right thing. Good luck, Lexicon - I know it can't be easy, but overall, you're doing him a favor by ending it now instead of letting him think that he has a future with you.

Hey Lex,

You have my support! I am so glad you are doing the right thing for yourself. I know things will turn out fine in the end. You have no reason to feel guilty, you must be true to yourself. Also you are being honest with everyone, and that is a good thing to do. The fact that you are being honest with yourself is the most important thing of all. I wish you much happiness and fulfillment!

Love,
Sujin

Thanks everyone...I love you guys!

My thoughts and strength are with you. Any relevance to why it is Thursday in particular?

Stay strong Hon!

I am thinking of you!!

((((((((Lexicon)))))))))

Good luck dear one!

Sabrina, Thursday because he'll want to leave ASAP and he can call his dad to come pick him up. I just want to give him some time.

Just wanted to say Good Luck Lexicon... I'll be thinking of you and Andy today...

I have been thinking of you too. Please let us know how things have worked out and if you are ok!

Here's the update:

I haven't done it yet. Because I'm not sure of how he's gonna react and all I've set up a date for next Friday to show up at the counseling center where Andy will be. We have the same counselor and I talked to her about it and she thinks it's a good idea.

So next Friday I'll go in...our counselor will be there, and also a counselor from Crisis Intervention, who btw is a lesbian herself! I just want to take precautions in case he flips out or doesn't do too well.

So that's the complete plan! Now, if I can hold out that long and not tell him before then! I mean I just want there to be a safe environment for him...and me.

Thank you everyone for all your support over the months with this. I know it's been slow progress but it's coming very soon!