how can i stop the hurting

i was wondering if anyone can relate or can give some useful advice. i have been involved in a relationship for 2 years and we have been engaed for 1 year. the first year was absolute bliss and the next year almost led to hell. i broke it off with my fiance due to all of the problems we were having but he genuinely said that he was sorry and that he couldn't live without me, etc. etc. i love him to death and i know he loves me too, but things with us and his life (i am concerned that he may have a minor drinking problem) have gotten so bad. every few days his mood changes and i feel like i can't rely on him at all anymore. more than anything i am just so confused. he was my first REAL relationship and definetly my first love and i am so hurt by the way that things have turned out and also feel so helpless. we have fought so many battles together and then against each other. he can be so supportive and loving and then at other times he just yells and makes very prejudice comments (we are of different cultures and religions). i just don't know what to do and i would appreciate any responses.

You did a good thing by stepping back and evaluating where your relationship is--you certainly don't want to get married just to end it in divorce. This is a case where you might want to seek premarital counseling, or at the very least, find a workbook for couples. This can help you identify your strengths and weaknesses are as a couple and can help you work through your problem areas--and if you can't work through them and can't live with them, then you know what has to happen in the relationship. My husband and I went through a workbook before we got married, and it helped us a lot!

I highly recommend couples therapy or a workbook - my fiance and I were having some personal problems of our own, and while we love each other very much this was something we couldn't get past without objective outside opinion. Best thing we ever did, in my opinion.

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

Thank you both so much for your responses. I am taking some time to seriously consider counseling and see if our relationship can be salvaged, and at the same time whether I can endure any more pain prior and during the counseling. This past weekend, we didn't speak to each other once even though he was aware of the fact that I was sick. It is unthoughful gestures such as these that he has lately consistently displayed which makes me question whether any further effort is worth it. The constant rollcoaster of him calling crying that he wants to change and then becoming a jerk 3 days later is really killing me. I will keep you both posted though and again thank you so much!

I'm sorry things aren't going too well between you. It sounds like you both need to see a counselor together before taking that big step. I don't mean to interject religion here, but I'm catholic and I know that before they will marry a couple they have to go to weekly couples group for 6 months. Maybe something like that may help. Anyway I hope that everything gets better.

Hi,
I can relate.
As brutal as it sounds, I think you should both move on.

Hold on, before you freak out.......I think a seperation will crystalize your intentions. And if you initiate it! Well you will be in the drivers seat. Be strong, have a time frame in mind, and be gentle with him. But dont fall for the inevitable charm........just cut him loose!
Nothing initiates a real relationship better than a seperation.
Hey, if it doesnt pan out........it wasnt going to happen anyway.
You saved yourself some time.