My ex-boyfriend is blackmailing me!

PLEASE help me I don't know what to do! I broke up with my boyfriend last week and thought that was the end of it. But he contacted me and said that he had inappropriate pictures of me from when we were together. He has been threatening to put them up on the internet or send them in email to teachers, students, my friends, and family. He has schizo-effective disorder, so one minute he says he loves me and wants to be with me and the next he says he wants to punish me. What do I do? Right now he's trying to force me to get back together with him or he'll post the pictures. I've never felt more hurt or betrayed in my life and DO NOT want to be with him, but I feel like I don't have a choice. PLEASE HELP!!

(((hugs))) This is blackmail, If this was me I would call the police he needs to be stopped do you think that you're able to do that?

My daughter had this happen...she called the police & then filed a report for harassment. She also talked to an attorney. She was
She didn't want the guy to think for one second that she was afraid of his bad behavior.
The police contacted him & he turned the private pictures & video over to avoid any more trouble.
It worked for her. Don't fool around with it. Come out swinging when someone does this to stop them in their tracks.

From a mom who cares

Will the police really help? I've been researching things like this and everyone says the police can't do anything :/
The pictures are on his computer, so I'm afraid he could delete them from one section on his computer, but could still have it stored in a different part of the computer, you know? And out of spite, maybe he'd email all the pictures anyway...
I have to be careful about how I do this. Just the smallest thing I say can set him off and make him start screaming and swearing at me. I'm scared

I really do think the police will help, The police would take his computer away also don't warn him that you have gone the police, You do sound scared of him but you need to stop the blackmail

First, read this:

Can I sue someone for defamation if they post naked pics of me on the internet? | Internet Law

The general consensus is that a call or letter from your lawyer would deter him from acting.

Note that the link above is about whether you can sue for defamation; your concern is not that - you just want to prevent him from distributing the pictures, so do not get disappointed while reading that you might or might not have a way to sue him.

Note: an injunction is an order from the court not to do something. It would not give you monetary damages but it would prevent the guy from distributing the pictures. I doubt though that you will need an injunction. One call from a lawyer should do the job.

You need to involve a lawyer, especially since the bf screams and swears at you. It would be worth the money spent. The bf would not get far screaming and swearing at your lawyer.

I have looked into lawyers as well, I was just hoping it wouldn't have to come to that... I'm realizing that it probably will. He told me that the pictures were on a server of his, so that even if they take away his laptop, he can still access the pictures from a different computer.... Unfortunately he's a genius when it comes to technology...
Hamster, your link sounds like its hopeless for me... I feel like a call from a lawyer would only encourage him to send out the pictures...

I do not see why the police would take the computer away, unless lady1158 is underage. The issue is not with his possession of the pictures, but with deterring exBF from distributing the pictures. His storing the pictures on his hard drive does not hurt anyone as far as I can see. What would hurt lady1158 is distribution, posting in public, sharing of any sort, etc.

((lady1158)) - this kind of blackmail is happening more and more these days, especially with young teenage girls. Young teens have even ended their own lives over this and they were afraid to get the police involved. Even my daughters good friend was threatened by her ex, so my daughter convinced her to speak with a school counselor.

Do you have any of his threats on text as proof?? Take these and any kind of threatening messages to the police. Tell them he has screamed at you and you're scared. If you can block him on text and on your phone...do this right now. He may be all bark and no bite but either way, don't give in. The police won't judge you because this is happening all the time. Tell your school counselor and principal too.

In the future with other guys...no matter how great its going, never let them get nude pics of you, because then they'll have something on you. There's also this new AP that lets people send pics that disappear after 10 seconds and people think this is safe. Problem is people can copy or do screen shots and save it. It will get worse if you don't stop him and the police will scare him. We're here to support you and be like an online mom or aunt.

Well, you certainly know him much better than we do.

Tell me what you have in writing from him. Do you have written threats of trying to coerce you into continuing a relationship with him out of fear of being defamed?

I would not block him. I would rather have him produce actionable written threats if he has not already produced them. If you have enough written evidence, you can then block him. You probably need a lawyer to guide you anyway. Do you have money for a lawyer? Do you know how to find a lawyer?

Are you a teen, lady1158? It matters whether you are.

I would not stand for blackmail I will do anything in my power to stop it as lynn said you hear of so many girls coming to harm over stuff like this, Lady please go the police before this gets out of hand.

In the texts he doesn't exactly spell it out what he's going to do but he would say things like 'your teachers will like the pictures'. Things like that. Also, twice now he put them up on a website for about two minutes so I could see he wasn't joking. So I took screenshots of that. He added text so it sounded like I made the website. He took them down after I saw it though... I just don't know if next time he will ever take it down if I piss him off again.

I am 18 a freshman in college.

Most people these days keep pictures of any kind on servers rather than locally on laptops. You do not have to be a genius to do that. He is apparently trying to scare you further by presenting himself as a genius who will work around any of your attempts to prevent him from distributing the pictures. It is a scare and blackmail tactic he is using against you.

OK, so you are an adult for the relevant purposes.

I know it would be embarrassing, but are you able to talk to your parents about this? Or perhaps an auntie, trusted teacher or someone? I think it would be helpful to talk it over with someone, and let them help you.

And I do echo what the others say, got to the police, get a lawyer. He should be stopped and I dont think the only other option you have is good. You do not want to date him, end of. Please don't give into him, as whatever goes bad in the future, he will simply blackmail you again. I am sure you could sue him if he did post the pictures, and you need some help to get that message over - to frighten him off.

Good luck, and big hugs.

OK good so you have the screenshots. "Your teachers will like the pictures" combined with the screenshots would do the job. If you do not want to spend money on the lawyer, go to your local police department with the screenshots, the texts, and a written statement from you in which you detail his threats/blackmailing/etc. You can post a draft of the statement here and we will help you edit. If he is in the habit of leaving VM's, you should sign up for Google Voice that would transcribe the VM's into text which would make it easier to present the evidence.

Keep your cool and stop worrying so much. You can also consider sending an email to your teachers in a preemptive fashion, advising them that an ex boyfriend is threatening to defame you by distributing materials to your teachers making it appear that the materials, in the form of a website, had been created by you. Tell them that he is trying to blackmail you into continuing a relationship with him against your will. Do not go into details.

Talking to a trusted person (auntie, teacher) might help to not feel so alone with that and in that, but is not a substitute for professional advice. In other words, the police or a lawyer or both need to be involved.

Do you remember these pictures? Are there really such pictures? I would just make it clear to him that it would not be a good idea to publish them as then you would prosecute and sue him to within an inch of his life and if you hear anymore from him or about them, etc. you will contact your lawyer and perhaps the police.

Don't let him know you are concerned or interested; call him on his bad behavior and hold your head up. It's your body, but it is not "You". Yes it would be extremely embarrassing if there are such pictures and he somehow published them so friends and relatives saw them but if they love you they too would be angry you were treated this way and it would not be your doing. I just remember back when it was risque to see a woman's ankles and think of it as "body parts", it's not like those looking would see anything unusual they haven't seen before. People you don't know who see them, it's a picture like a magazine picture, and you don't know they have seen them. People we don't know, don't count. It would be an "object" to them and You are not an object.

I went to a Halloween party once as a "flasher" (I'm female). My girlfriend took a picture with my raincoat open, gave it to me, I dressed (had brought my clothes along) and joined the party. No one else saw me and I controlled the picture. My "costume" came in third place What I remember was handing the picture to friends and they would gaze at it and say, "Who is that?" I'd take it back and reply, "Me". A picture of you isn't going to stick in a friend's brain, it doesn't make sense in their overall knowledge of you and the other people don't matter.

Assuming he could identify people that would matter to you AND get their contact information so he could send it to them, personally and make sure they saw it (very big if in several cases for several reasons) those people are going to see "him" and not like him more than any amount of making fun of or embarrassing you, if such pictures exist.

Stay strong and angry is what I would do. Tell a good friend you love and trust what is going on and I'm sure you will get support and anger from them too. He should be ashamed of his behavior, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Do not give him the upper hand by "minding"/allowing his bad behavior to get to you.

I really don't want anyone I know to know about this I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself for getting myself into this situation. I'm still hoping I can get this to stop quietly.... but that probably won't be the case.

Do you yourself know how to make a website?

I've never done it before but I could probably figure it out

You should not feel embarrassed or ashamed. The situation is fairly typical these days, alas, and, in your particular case, is exacerbated by the severe mental illness on the part of the ex bf. You need to realize though that you will not be able to stop it completely quietly. However, if you seek support from professional sources rather than private persons in your life, you will have more privacy protection coming from professionals because they have a duty of privacy protection towards you while people around you do not. That is another argument in favor of contacting police/lawyers rather relatives/teachers/friends.