My ex-boyfriend is blackmailing me!

Dump all his texts on a website, adding his name and your explanations, post, and send him a link. Tell him that if he distributes your pictures, you will immediately send a link to your website to everyone around HIM. Do that if you indeed know the email addresses of his connections. And, that does not substitute for contacting the police and/or a lawyer. You can supplement with it, but you need to drop your hopes to resolve it COMPLETELY quietly.

You need to learn to use the language that would not make you feel embarrassed when you contact the police. You are going to the police to assert your rights and obtain protection from coercion/blackmailing/harassment/defamation and these are the terms that you should use.

All I know is that when my daughter was blackmailed, from the Date she filed a complaint he was blocked legally from 'distributing' anything of my daughter. (she is a quasi-public figure-entertainer), so it was sticky, but necessary! It covered everything in every format.

If he went ahead with anything after that date, then he would have been in legal trouble.

He was mad but he dropped it. Happy ending. I hope yours is too.

It doesn't make you look as bad as you fear. You look human. He LOOKS VERY BAD to victimize you!

The only reason I said perhaps talk to someone is that sometimes support from someone on your side can make this feel less scary. But sure, if you don't feel comfortable about it then don't. May just be very tough to go it alone.

I don't think you should feel ashamed. Why should you? You may have been a bit daft with the pictures in the first place, but you agreed in good faith at the time. You never signed up for the blackmail at the same time huh? I think it's he that should be ashamed, not you, very ashamed.

I agree with Perna too, that this kind of thing isn't as shocking as it once was. Not trying to sound trite, but it never did the Kardashians or Paris Hilton any harm, the exact opposite. This is the society we are in now, and things are just not frowned on as much as they were.

Be sure to tell the police that when you report him. The cops have technology geniuses on the payroll, btw.

Oh Yes! Please don't be ashamed of being a beautiful, sexual being! WE ALL ARE! Or for being photographed.

The shame is his. He broke a trust with you.

I know it was my daughters fear too, being judged by her MOM. But then she remembered that I was the one who stood on the principals' desk at her middle school to get his attention when he wouldn't listen to me about her being bullied!

Women have your back. Trust me on this...

riotgirl and Perna made some excellent points. Your ex BF is counting on you being scared to get you to come back to him. He's not only a blackmailer but he's a psychological abuser. Him doing this is much worse than a few nude pics. If my daughter came to me with this, I would support her completely. He's looking for you to be scared. Anyone seeing a nude pic of you is small compared to you giving in to him.

You should tell the school officials and I promise they've heard this before. Don't show fear and even if your pic go across the world, you don't need to feel shame. Its only a body and we don't even judge you. I guarantee he'll be scared if you go to the police and make the school aware. People with schizo - affective disorder are fearful of authority. One more nude body on the Internet is no big deal overall, so don't think its devastating. Be stronger than he is and never go back to him. You're not alone.

That and the internet is full of nude bodies and nobody would notice the website. Even if he publishes the site but does not send links to it to others, I can guarantee you that nobody you know will even happen on the website. When celebrities leak nudity on purpose in an effort to get the attention of the public, they employ a whole machinery to make the public aware of the leak. By itself, the leak would go unnoticed.

And even if he sends the pictures, it will not be the end of the world, but I would still advise your teachers ahead of time that they might receive such links, because your advising them is proactive. Waiting and worrying and trying to do damage control is all reactive. Being proactive gives you more power and control. You can give the teachers his email address and ask them to blacklist it in their email clients, saying that you do not want them to inadvertently open the messages he might send. It would not prevent him from sharing via non-email tools, but it would be a step in the right direction.

To cross all t's, you can send him a letter telling him to stop, so that you have a record of explicit objections to his sharing your photos that remain in his possession with anybody. It is probably excessive, though.

There is nothing in the photos that the world has not yet seen - that is for sure.

Did he do any of that before he took the pictures?

Hammy has a great point. Make sure it is a "registered letter", with proof of service/delivery. Even that might get his attention because it means you will have copies of it and proof he saw it. All t's crossed...

Oh right! And attach print-outs of his texts, selecting the ones that incriminate him (I do not know how to that, technologically, but there must be a way, in this day and age).

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this before, but even if you are 18 now, if you were younger than 18 in the pictures, he could technically be charged with possession of child pornography (depending of course on what the images show). Perhaps reminding him of that point might prompt him to be smarter about it all?

Very smart. Provided that one can date the pictures. I am just not in the know on how to date pictures. I do know one thing: when you upload a digitally taken picture to Picasa, Picasa dates the picture.

Anything in your phone can be emailed. To yourself. Pics. Text. It's easy.

Thank you so much everyone for your help Its so encouraging to know that all of you want to help me, thank you again! I will hopefully have this dealt with this week if possible

You're very welcome lady1158. I've been intimidated in my marriage many times and I forgot to mention. Make sure you don't beg him when he threatens you, because that gives him more power. Things will get better once you tell the school and they'll most likely bring him in for a talk. Does he go to your school? You don't have to suffer all alone and I understand you feel embarrassed but this will pass.

The key with a bully is, don't show fear and remain strong. See if you can copy any texts or emails and print them out. The same way we're supporting you here, is what will happen if you get the police involved or another trusted adult. Make sure you don't forgive him and go back. Hope it gets better soon.

Alright everyone I got him to delete all of the pictures without getting the cops or lawyers involved. (I watched him do it very thoroughly) Except now he's expecting me to take him back because in his mind, deleting the pictures should make me trust him again. He's been begging me for another chance and isn't taking no for an answer.

I do not like your solution, for two reasons:

- he might have a thousand copies of the files on other servers
- he should not be trading the deletion of the files, even if it were true and honest, for any favors or concessions on your part

You can probably walk a fine line, though, by telling him that while you appreciate the deletion of the files, it was an action to prove his integrity, period. You will now take your time thinking about possible next steps and are not giving him any firm hopes.

PLEASE!!!

Save some money and hire a professional photographer, ideally someone who does black-and-white photography because it is classier, and get a tasteful nude portfolio - just a few pictures if that is all you can afford. Place them on YOUR servers, under YOUR control, and password-protect. Give out the passwords to trustworthy people as you see fit. Make the pictures tasteful enough so that even if someone breaks your trust, copies them, and distributes them, you would not feel embarrassed.

That is what I would do if I could go back to being 18 and having a to-die-for body. I would not have random boyfriends take crummy low quality pictures using cheap cell phone cameras, in bad, unflattering lighting etc. etc., and later threatening and blackmailing. No point. Unless he has been an amateur photographer of exceptional talent, that is.

If you then must get photographed by boyfriends, have them photograph body parts, without your face, so that you would not be identifiable.

I do not have nude pictures, but I have headshots taken by a professional photographer, and I can tell you that the difference between the professional headshots and my old headshot on LinkedIn taken by a guy who takes passport pictures is night and day. When I changed the headshot on LinkedIn from the passport mugshot to the professionally done headshot, my former female colleagues whom I had not seen in a couple of years emailed me with compliments. Female and married and straight, so no ulterior motives whatsoever - just pure, valid, objective positive feedback.

That's a positive sign but he could have them stored elsewhere. Him threatening you is proof he's falling into abusive behavior. This will probably happen again. Tell him thank you, but you want to take a break and not be with anyone, so you can heal. Let him know desperation doesn't work.

I respectfully disagree about taking professional nude pics and putting them on a password protected server. If you give the passwords out, they can still be copied. Employers are looking at potential employees accounts like Facebook etc therefore you don't even want a respectable nude pic of yourself out there....unless a person looking to model for Playboy or a stripper lol. Fine to take a semi-nude professional photo but keep them for yourself but not online. I think lady took these photos on a spontaneous whim or was coerced in a heated moment.

My son's dad had a nude picture that he passed around in the courtcase we were in over custody over my son. i was so embarrassed, and after all that, the judge threw the case out because she didn't know we weren't married. Maybe this will help you i don't know how but if you go to court get a lawyer, and go to the police first too.

I'm not interested in anyone having nude pictures of me, not even myself, ever again. My problem right now is trying to find the right words to let him know that I won't be going back to him without making him angry. He can hack into my email and facebook and other accounts and don't want to give him motivation to do that. And like I said, he has schizo-effective disorder (a mix of schizophrenia and bipolar) and doesn't treat it. He doesn't see the world exactly the way it is. He truly believes that I should give him ANOTHER chance because he claims he can prove himself.... I've given him many second chances in the past and obviously they didn't work. I just can't get through to him.

Tell him its good he deleted some pictures but this is sign of an abusive relationship therefore you don't want to subject yourself at all. 3 out of 5 women are abused in some way. My oldest daughter who's 15 has convinced 2 of her girlfriends to get help from the principal /counselor, because they've both been emotionally blackmailed. One said he's tell everyone what they did sexually and the other one shared a nude body part and he was threatening her with that.

It he doesn't stop insisting on this, you may have to get a restraining order on him. Make all your passwords complicated with capitals, lower case, numbers and symbols. You have a right to live a peaceful life and I hope you'll find a nice young man one day.

You did say it in the OP. Apparently, you knew it all along. You showed lack of good judgment and caution in having the nude pictures taken by someone who is unpredictable in his behavior. Your OP talks about his being one way this second and the opposite way the next. Whether it is just the way he is or caused by the schizoaffective, you knew that this was the way he was. So... you were in the know. In other words, what happened, happened not like a natural disaster, all of a sudden, but could have been predicted. Especially with the schizophrenia part - what if, if you give him a chance now, he will later claim that some voices in his head have ordered him to send the pictures of you to your teachers - the pictures which he, inadvertently of course, forgot to delete from his backup?

So I think that you have not solved the problem with the deletion of the files and that a RO (restraining order) + police involvement + possibly hiring a lawyer are still the best options in the long term. You repeat that you just cannot get through to him even though you have tried. So, OK, accept that you have tried enough and have found yourself unable to get through to him and, consequently, will need to pass down the task of getting through to him to the legal system.

Hey I know when I get involved with something, I'm super interested in how it ends. So if anyone is super curious like me, just let me know and I'll keep updating this. I went to the police today and they are taking him in tonight.

Hamster: I understand that I made a very foolish mistake, I don't need to be reminded. I was only looking for solutions.

You are drawing wrong lessons learned. So it seems. It seems that your lesson learned is not to have nude pictures taken. You need to look at how not to get involved with people who are manipulative, unstable, abusive, threatening, intimidating, controlling, dishonest, etc. This is because if you draw out of it "do not pose nude" as your lesson learned, but not the part about "manipulative, unstable" etc., then something else bad would happen - not this but something else.

So you need to look more broadly.

Not by way of reminding you but by way of catalyzing learning so that you can get a broader, proactive, forward looking solution to the general issue. If you treat this as a learning experience, you won't feel so foolish, after all.