[seeker1950]

I haven't posted about this here, but my mother, 80 years old and frail, is still living in her home, but will eventually need assistance or to come live with me. I have struggled all my life to overcome the abuse and fear instilled in me by my mother. I rarely go visit her though she only lives 2 hours away. Just talking to her on the phone brings me down. Like, for instance.... my recent home improvements...Her response to my painting the interior of the house..."You shouldn't do that...you'll fall!" (Well, I DID fall and wrenched my knee, but I'm recovering and happy with my decor projects. And telling her of my flooring projects: "YOu shouldn't be doing that; you'll cut yourself!" (I did cut myself, and my hand swelled to balloon size, but I've recovered from that too!) This is just a minor example.
I'm relating this here, because, being raised in an atmosphere of fear, it is hard for me to relate to my mother without being affected. These are small examples I've related here, but her fear and negativity are pervasive. She's SO happy I'm not dating or seeing anyone right now, and put the fear of God into me of men when I was growing up. I attribute this to my anxiety about romantic relationships and even why I married a non-entity who had no concept of romantic love.
Sorry to ramble on about this here. I just know I can't CAN'T have her come live with me.
Patty

[Rhapsody]

Is there not another sibling that your MOTHER could go live with? - just asking to try and save you from more hurt in the future.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[seeker1950]

Hi,Rhap,
My sister had her at her house for a week or so after a recent hospitalization, and she related to me how her nerves were frazzled. She couldn't handle her either, though she was never the victim of abuse like I was. She is my only sister.
I do feel compassion for my mom as she ages and gets weaker, but I also know I have to take care of my own fragile mental health!
Patty

[FaithisAlive]

Hi Seeker...I have a similar problem although my mom is much younger, her health is very poor and I have been thinking of the same thing.. whats going to happen IF she becomes incapable of taking care of herself...

My mother didn't instill in me the kind of fear you have had to live with.No.. she has been more of the competitor type of mom.. always trying to outdo me, therefore going out of her way to make me look and feel stupid.

And she sexually abused me as a child too. So, I have come to the conclusion that she is mentally unstable and thats why I do not have hatred for her after what she did... but I don't feel obligated to her anymore... not like I once did.

I know she is going to have to go to a home if she gets to that point, because I am not willing to sacrifice anymore of my life for her. And maybe that sounds cruel, but it isn't meant to be.. it is meant to be taking care of myself for a change.

I think if parents want their children to take care of them in their old age, they should give their children reason to love and respect them so that they will want o take care of them.... who wants to take care of the very one who has caused you to have to be in therapy?

Anyway.. just my thoughts.. I hope you are able to sort it out.. take care of yourself....

[razeljenny]

huggs (((((((((((((((seeker1950)))))))))))))))))

[alisandria]

(((seeker)))) I don't think there is any easy answer here.