[sammie2277]

Hello

So I have been seeing this new lady for about a month now. We have been on three really good dates and get along great. I am a little shy and apparently a little needy or unconfident. I have dated a lot over the years and have been in several long term relationships. I am 36 and she is 35. She divorced about a year ago and I am not sure how much dating she has done between. Their marriage ended over some psych issues on his part as best as she has shared in the short time we have known one another.

While the dates have been great, and we have taken it very slow as we kissed for the first time on our third date. She appears to be one of the nicest people I have ever met, the most bbeautiful woman I have ever dated, and extremely family oriented. We both want kids and to have that for ourselves and discussed those kind of requirements. My major issue is she does not really communicate much between our dates. I initiate all communication, I know some women want the man to lead in this way. The issue is even after initiating it takes her time and I mean hours to get back to me sometimes the next day. Most of our communication is via text while I would rather talk a bit. Now I know I have a need to talk and it is early so perhaps I am being a bit needy and it will come. I asked how she liked to communicate on our last date and she said she talks all day at work and when she got home she really didn't want it and wanted to veg out. She said she knew this would be a problem for any relationship.

I guess my question is am I over thinking this too much and I should give room and see what happens. It is pretty early and on our dates she is constantly saying she is filing things away for the future when I mention likes and what not. She really seems into me in person but it does seem hard to get to know someone one date every week.

[0w6c379]

It sounds early to me in the relationship to make a judgment on why she is reluctant to talk during the week. You might try extending your dates to longer periods of time and gradually work towards adding more casual brief encounters during the week. When I say extending the date, I mean rather than just have dinner and a movie out, how about spending the entire day together? It might end with just hanging out at your place or hers watching TV. During the week maybe you could arrange to meet for ice cream or just take a walk in the park. The more "ordinary" time you spend together, the better you will get to know her and her ways. We all have to make accommodations for someone we want to be with. If she is worth it, you'll find a way. Best to you.

[healingme4me]

I, personally, have a harder time with phone chatter, since being divorced, myself. It's that the marriage, itself, took that wind out of my sail. Maybe something similar for her? Not sure, don't know her. But, um, I know it's something I wouldn't want to come right out and say, hey, I'm a little damaged from my previous marriage towards phone chatter.

If things are proceeding, you've had the wanting children discussion, and I would presume, she responds to you and is emotionally present when out on a date, then maybe it's something that will fall in line?

Originally Posted by sammie2277

Hello

So I have been seeing this new lady for about a month now. We have been on three really good dates and get along great. I am a little shy and apparently a little needy or unconfident. I have dated a lot over the years and have been in several long term relationships. I am 36 and she is 35. She divorced about a year ago and I am not sure how much dating she has done between. Their marriage ended over some psych issues on his part as best as she has shared in the short time we have known one another.

While the dates have been great, and we have taken it very slow as we kissed for the first time on our third date. She appears to be one of the nicest people I have ever met, the most bbeautiful woman I have ever dated, and extremely family oriented. We both want kids and to have that for ourselves and discussed those kind of requirements. My major issue is she does not really communicate much between our dates. I initiate all communication, I know some women want the man to lead in this way. The issue is even after initiating it takes her time and I mean hours to get back to me sometimes the next day. Most of our communication is via text while I would rather talk a bit. Now I know I have a need to talk and it is early so perhaps I am being a bit needy and it will come. I asked how she liked to communicate on our last date and she said she talks all day at work and when she got home she really didn't want it and wanted to veg out. She said she knew this would be a problem for any relationship.

I guess my question is am I over thinking this too much and I should give room and see what happens. It is pretty early and on our dates she is constantly saying she is filing things away for the future when I mention likes and what not. She really seems into me in person but it does seem hard to get to know someone one date every week.

[sammie2277]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

It sounds early to me in the relationship to make a judgment on why she is reluctant to talk during the week. You might try extending your dates to longer periods of time and gradually work towards adding more casual brief encounters during the week. When I say extending the date, I mean rather than just have dinner and a movie out, how about spending the entire day together? It might end with just hanging out at your place or hers watching TV. During the week maybe you could arrange to meet for ice cream or just take a walk in the park. The more "ordinary" time you spend together, the better you will get to know her and her ways. We all have to make accommodations for someone we want to be with. If she is worth it, you'll find a way. Best to you.

Thank you Michelle,

We have had anything but traditional dates to this point. While our first date was just to mett for a lunch we extended that and went for a long walk. It was really nice to just get to know her and spend leisurely time together. Our second and third dates while including dinner were active activities after and I know she had a blast. Scheduling time to just hangout is tough we do live a small distance from one another and are both a little tough with time. I agree it is a bit early to judge but I have never dated a woman who didn't want to talk That probably sounds horrible but I think you know what I mean. I probably am a bit crazy but I could and would like to see this go somewhere. Not that we know one another that well or I couldn't move on if that is what happens. Just she seems so good and that we generally have some connection.

[Leed]

Hi Sammie ~ Give her some time. I'm sure she is wanting to take this very slowly, after her divorce, just a YEAR ago. Most therapists will tell you to wait at LEAST a year before dating and getting serious again after a divorce. You need that time to get your head together, and to know what you REALLY want.

She may NOT know what she wants, really. She said she wants kids -- but she may not really be SURE about that. She's 35 yrs old, and having a child at 35 isn't as easy as it sounds. When the child is 10 yrs old, and wants to play, she'll be 45! Bodies aren't the same anymore. LOL

Plus the time between dates -- she's probably trying to figure out how she feels; what her emotions are trying to tell her -- how she feels about you. She doesn't want to go on a rebound!!! And by seeing you more often would likely make her make a bad decision. She needs time to figure things out, and having time between dates is a good idea. That way she WON'T just jump into this relationship with all 4 feet.

So give her time. Chances are things will be okay -- but even if they aren't, you'll know that she was honest about everything. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[sammie2277]

Originally Posted by Leed

Hi Sammie ~ Give her some time. I'm sure she is wanting to take this very slowly, after her divorce, just a YEAR ago. Most therapists will tell you to wait at LEAST a year before dating and getting serious again after a divorce. You need that time to get your head together, and to know what you REALLY want.

She may NOT know what she wants, really. She said she wants kids -- but she may not really be SURE about that. She's 35 yrs old, and having a child at 35 isn't as easy as it sounds. When the child is 10 yrs old, and wants to play, she'll be 45! Bodies aren't the same anymore. LOL

Plus the time between dates -- she's probably trying to figure out how she feels; what her emotions are trying to tell her -- how she feels about you. She doesn't want to go on a rebound!!! And by seeing you more often would likely make her make a bad decision. She needs time to figure things out, and having time between dates is a good idea. That way she WON'T just jump into this relationship with all 4 feet.

So give her time. Chances are things will be okay -- but even if they aren't, you'll know that she was honest about everything. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Haha. I know I need to take it slow but it seems so hard to do. I like her and just want to get to know her better and see if there is actually something there. It seems like we have pretty good connection when we are together. It is just all the other stuff that you talk about which either bonds people or helps them make the decision that it is not right.

I get that she ended her marriage not that long ago and that actually sent me thinking when I first found out and everyone told me to forget it. I have a fear of being her rebound absolutely. At the same time I also have a fear of not really getting a chance to do this right because we are so distant when we are not together.

I know calling her is not the right thing to do but it is what I want to do Not to be naggy or clingy just to talk and see who she really is. It is odd having some feelings for someone you know so little about and not knowing how they actually feel. I suck at waiting and just going with the flow.

Any advice on how to handle that part better? I do not really like to date a lot of people and would also not want to give the impression that I am some kind of player. I also know by not giving her the space she needs nothing good will come of it. Just hard to get my mind off of it when we have such great times together.

[sammie2277]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I, personally, have a harder time with phone chatter, since being divorced, myself. It's that the marriage, itself, took that wind out of my sail. Maybe something similar for her? Not sure, don't know her. But, um, I know it's something I wouldn't want to come right out and say, hey, I'm a little damaged from my previous marriage towards phone chatter.

If things are proceeding, you've had the wanting children discussion, and I would presume, she responds to you and is emotionally present when out on a date, then maybe it's something that will fall in line?

Hello

Thank you for that. I completely get that it can be tough to trust and be open after being through a tough ending to a relationship. While I have never been married I have completely experienced it.

How long after you got divorced did you feel comfortable opening yourself up? I know that is personal but talking about this kind of helps. I do not want to be her rebound nor do I want to push her away by being too needy. I just do not want to not get a fair chance with this if there are things I can do to make it easier.

I know there is nothing I can do for her from the point of being ready. She just seems so at ease in person it kind of seems like mixed signals.

[Bill3]

I should give room and see what happens.

Yes. Give room and see what happens.