pretentious/idiotic me

I think your anger, instability, and obsessive behavior are enough to send alarm bells to anyone. Even if he liked you initially, or was in the process of getting to know you to see if he liked you, as soon as you start with the anger, the blame, the swearing, and the obsession-- you're likely to turn anyone off and send them running. That kind of behavior shows that you do not have control over your emotions and behavior and that's scary to most people. I think you need to deal with those issues in therapy before you seek a relationship. It's nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship until you are a healthy person.

You do not have that right - period. He has no obligations towards you.

I agree with the others who have spoken on your thread - until you get the notion that other people owe you those kind of things completely out of your mind, you should not attempt to date anyone. There is a lot of processing that needs to happen before you become ready to hit the dating scene again.

PS If you cannot take a break from dating for some reason, throw large numbers into the mix as that might help you. If you interact with a lot of guys - online or offline - it would hopefully make it easier for you to deal with being rejected by anybody in particular. You will just move to the next one.

This is an alternative approach.

hi. finally someone sees what i see. thanks not easy to control emotions. sometimes i do actually say they dont want u but i always try to believe they do and then i just hit my face on floor.

thing is i actually met another guy... but guess what? all he wanted was sex and this idiot fell for it. amazing huh? i barely came out of one and this happens. he had a nickname with sex in it so i didnt want to talk to him then he changed it for me to talk to him.. then i got his number we talked over the phone for 3h and it was soooo good. been ages i didnt feel that good. he was sweet and fun. i always told him i dont have sex unless im in a relationship and he actually "confessed" something (which now is BS) that he havent been with someone for while but bc he wants to make love and not just sex... the end of phone call he said he really wanted to be with me, then to steal a kiss from me... as i was enjoying the time talking to him i told him i felt the same way.. anyway he actually made me feel he was interested with me till tonight. there was this party and he just called me and asked if i had a space for him in my bed? i noticed hes way of talking was harsh than it uses to be so i figured he was a bit intoxicated. he kept asking if what i said about kissing him was for real and i was like wth why u asking this now?? then he basically asks if u were alone at home would u like me to be with u in bed? i stopped talking and hang up.

funny how he once said "i want to know u, ur only hurt with man in general (he knew about other guy prob), u have to lower ur guard, there is someone that want u really know u" how convincing huh? yep im a moron!!!

i didnt pick up and then sent him a msg saying u went to chat to get sex. here there is no such thing even if u sayyy 50000 things to make me think otherwise. the reply: if thats what u want i respect it. big kiss.

then.. my last msg: u did great job with ur bulshit convo and getting advantage that i was in bad shape caz of other guy. ur a bastard. dont contact me ever again. i wonder to how many u said those things. have a great life.
his reply: u know, i cant find an answer for such thing... if thats what u think, dont worry i wont bother u anymore. kiss and have a great life

yep me moron. end of story

I fail to see what the new guy did or said that was so wrong that you ended up hanging up on him (in general, it is rude to hang up on people). Maybe I cannot decipher your text speak and that is why...

I reread the OP and have come up with what seems to be a breakthrough for your situation.

So in the OP you presented the following:

And then you went on to complain that

So if you yourself estimated that the chat site was mostly for sex and not so much for friendship without sex, why do you keep getting astonished and even feel victimized when the guys you meet on the chat want sex? And what else should they want? The chat is, per you, primarily for sex. It is not for exchanging crochet patterns. If you sign up for a chat on which people exchange crochet patterns, and, on that chat, keep bumping into guys who want sex, then you would be justified complaining about your bad luck. But you signed up for a chat that focuses on sex. That on that chat site you run into guys who want sex is to be expected. So what are you complaining about?

If you really want what you claim you want, you need to find other venues for socialization.

I think you might want to apologize for being SO rude to him since he seems like a nice guy - he did not get the rudeness to color his good impression of you and still wished you a great life with a kiss, and promised not to bother you anymore. He really was on his best behavior with you, so it might make sense to apologize and see where it takes you. Maybe he will be interested in talking more with you.

he wants to **** me and im the rude one... lololol u need a brain check.

Elektra,

Why did you post this original post? I am left asking because you're twisting what people have to say or not listening to advice and reason.

For example, Hamster wrote above that if it's friendship you're looking for then why are you looking for it on a sex dating site? It seems strange that you ignore her valid point and just insult her. And not for the first time, I saw the post yesterday that got deleted. To complain about sex chat on a sex site is like banging your head against a wall non-stop and then complaining that you have a headache. Until you change your pattern then you will not get different results.

If you want sympathy, and no advice then please make it clear from your posts. Sure, we can offer sympathy, not a problem there. But if you want your behaviour and the way you think validated, then no, no can do. You're not thinking straight on this situation, and totally ignoring advice to help yourself heal, or to see that this way of behaving with this fella (and insults to us on here) are socially unacceptable.

I just wonder what it is you want.

Ok, so from this lovely succinct post it follows that you believe that every guy who wants. To have sex with you is rude. Then I will ask again ~ why do you ever visit sex chats?? You need to visit crocheting sites instead.

On a more serious note, I would print out this thread for a therapist to review because all your ideas and behaviours are so weird and make so little sense.

i was never rude to u so dont come with bs. that women just comes here to have a kick out of it. since 1st time she should refrain herself of replying to me. is NOT sex chat. i said once in while there are nice guys. im complaining caz i ALWAYS make clear i want friendship there and there are no sex convos or wtv. i made him clear on that! apparently he just thought he could change my mind? who knows. if u dont think is rude someone u never met or have relationship with says he wants to **** u then this world is REALLY lost. btw one thing is actually be supportive a whole nother thing is being an *** about it. i always appreciated ur posts so...

OP:


Latest post:

And in the title of the thread, you made two self-deprecating remarks about yourself. So based on those two quotations above and the general behavior on the thread, I only see the presence of the second self-deprecating remark about you. You do not appear to be pretentious.

On sex talk in general: so I have a profile on OKC in which I do not list "casual sex". Still, I get contacted for hookups. While I do not respond to all messages (due to lack of time and due to higher priorities), when I do happen on such messages (hookup invitations), I deflect them and reject them in a nice, polite manner, without being rude. A hookup request is not rude (even though, technically speaking, since I did not invite such requests, I could take issue with them, but I do not); a hookup request is one type of expression of interest in you. It is a type of a compliment. The generally polite way of dealing with unwanted interest is to acknowledge it (without making the guy feel that he did something obnoxious), add a tiny bit of humor, and wish good luck in future endeavors (the last bit is optional).

Example: a guy from Ohio is visiting California next week for four days and expressed interest. I said no. He said "boo". I said: "Aw, you are well entitled to your "boo"" or something along those lines. Basically, practicing levity.

And then I do not complain online about people whom I reject!

And what you are doing is the following: you are rejecting someone who quite legitimately expressed sexual interest in a woman who represented herself as someone who can quite possibly welcome such interest because she registered on a site which, per her OP, is mostly sex... and then you also want to complain about unfair treatment.

But again - I see nothing pretentious about all of that. Pretentious is not the right adjective here.

And please do not send me private messages in which you are being extra rude. You posted on a forum that is used for support. Support does not mean agreeing with you in your moping - no, you do not have any basis for your complaints. Your thread demonstrates a whole range of issues which require attention. The earlier you give those issues your attention, the earlier you will get out of the circle in which you have found yourself. By itself nothing will get fixed - you will keep running into the same situation and then complaining that you, a moron or any other self-deprecating word you like using, fell for the same thing again.

There is a definition of insanity attributed to Einstein and within that definition, you are insane:

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein quotes from BrainyQuote.com

No, you've not been rude to me. But although Hamster is sometimes succinct with her posts, she's not been rude to you - it's her way to be straight to the point. Not everyone's cup of tea, fair enough, but there are ways to talk to people and tell them they are wrong, or you did not like the post without being insulting or call names.

I think I'll bow out of this now as it's starting to get to me. I wish you well in your future, and please, take a deep breath and take some of the stuff on board. People had been trying to help, including myself, but for me now that's it. I can see some of Albert Einstein's famous quote apply to me too.

Thank you for showing that. I will bow out of this thread as well, then , for the same reason.