pretentious/idiotic me

Big hugs Elektra, that's a tough situation to be in and I do feel for you.

However, I am going to being annoying to you, and come up with some suggestions. I am a firm believer (but of course, it is just my opinion and nothing more) that we tend to be hurt hugely, and dwell on things longer than what is actually warranted when we feel lonely. It's kinda that we've built up our hopes on something or someone way too much, (and is actually fair to them) and because it turns sour, it hurts even more. I think the way to conquer this is to build up our lives to be more fun, richer (not necessarily as in money), busy and full of nice things. This can also build up our confidence too! That way, when something perhaps goes sour, or things are not what we wanted, especially through no fault of our own, we can then deal with it better as we've a lot of other things going on and friends to fall back on at a time of need.

I don't know your situation and if you are able to work, but I know things are tough out there at the mo with the economy, but I wonder if you are able to even volunteer a couple of days a week to do some work? That can be good on quite a few levels - we meet people and has the potential to make friends, we are doing something good and worthwhile, and something to be proud of. It's also excellent for the CV and chances of future employment.

Hobbies too are an good way to feel good about ourselves, and so are nightclasses - classes also give us the opportunity to make friends. It doesn't have to be extra math or anything like that, even something like pottery or photography - something fun can give us a real lift!

It's one of those things tho, can get stuck in a rut, and only we can change it where we can. But trying to improve our lives, ourselves is all we can do but it really can help. After all, it's better than sitting at home licking our wounds and feeling sad isnt it? I think so and every day we are busy is another day less spent dwelling on someone who really isnt worthy of you.

I wish you well and I hope I have not offended you. I just would like to see you happier and more independent.

Hugs.

If you are old enough to cyber stalk the guy, you probably should at least contribute to your parents' household financially . Unless you are in school, of course, or disabled.

Not to be patronizing, but you should see for yourself that the lack of job/school contributes to the lack of life which in turn contributes to the preoccupation with the guy which in turn contributes to cyber stalking which in turn contributes to feeling defeated... you see where the sequence is going?

maybe u should get urself in order before telling others what they should do u ****ing *****. dont talk about what u dont ****ing know capiche??

Please, there are ways to say you do not agree with what has been written without attacking. People are only trying to help, if they've got it wrong please say in a more eloquent way.

All HB did was reiterate what riotgrrrl said. (In that particular post)

Honestly, being unemployed and not going to school made me fairly depressed. I spent about 6 months doing nothing but dwelling on how pathetic I was and it took 5 months before I became confident enough to start applying for minimum wage jobs after getting a college degree.

Even going on walks and changing up the scenery everyday helped. I have a hard time staying home all day and try to fill it with some kind of activity so I feel like I've accomplished something. I considered going to a grocery store and buying some food as a daily accomplishment. Volunteering is a great way to pass time up and meet people. It is easier to dwell on things when you're not doing anything active. Riots post is very good.

excuse me but she only came here to be insulting and piss me off. 1st who said im stalking anyone? 1nd she insinuates i dont have a job caz i dont feel like it?!! and the thread wasnt even about me not having a job! she got what she was looking for. clearly no matter the place is human nature to set on people that show vulnerability.

i appreciate ur last post. thanks

My post included the clause "not to sound patronizing", which should have preempted/prevented the response you posted, or so I hoped. Nor did I "tell others what they should do" - I took my time to show you the entire sequence to demonstrate how getting a job / getting in school (I did not add volunteering, but riotgrrl recommended volunteering in her post which was much more extensive and detailed than mine and contained more practical recommendations) would contribute to your happiness.


I now think that if you reacted so irrationally and impolitely to my post, it might have been the case that you somehow caused the reaction of the guy that prompted the thread by having less-than-stellar social skills, although I do not have enough information to bolster this hypothesis.

so the guy talked to me yest. basically i think he was expecting me to talk to him but i waited for him to start the convo. guess what? he acted like nothing happened as usual. he only said hi and asked what was i doing. i replied to it but didnt ask what about u.. so i think after that he was expecting me to say something but i didnt and eventually he left without even saying bye. i miss him tons. i miss seeing him and his smile. he has his MBA internship (3 months) this month and i think he will leave the country. i might not even see him again... he mentioned his parents use to say once he leaves he wont come back... anyway i miss the guy i fell for...

Hi Elektra, I'm gonna jump in here with a question/suggestion, because I recognize in what you have said about your reaction/feelings around what happened a lot of the ways I used to cope in relationships and with people I was interested in.
Have you considered just point-blank asking him what happened? I mean, yeah, he said that he had underslept. If that was an answer you weren't satisfied with, you can retain the option to ask him if there's anything else.
Also...rather than cutting him off and then just missing him, is there any way under these circumstances that you could just hold off and not make decisions in moments of heightened emotion? Like with the blocking on Skype? It's normal to be angry or hurt over someone who you think has dissed you or rejected you, or been dishonest, but basically what I see here is a whole lot of action and very little actual information.
It's just fine to still have feelings about him. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. I can't remember how long you said you guys had talked for prior to meeting, but it sounds like you had already formed a connection, and especially in the life circumstances you described (not having much else going on in your life), the depth of the feelings and sense of loss may be intensified. But in the meantime there is nothing stopping you from getting on with your life: doing things you are interested in, finding other ways to distract yourself and spend your time, etc. And then just consider the things I and others have said here, for future situations.
Just my two cents. Hope everything works out for you.

hi really appreciate ur reply. i told him he could be honest and say he didnt like being with me he kept saying "it was cool". and the cutting him off was to see if he cared enough to even send a msg which he didnt! therefore i was going to really just forget about him. but then i met other guy in that chat and he seemed interested but the more i knew about him the more i remembered he is nothing like this guy. so i went to skype and added him again. i wanted so badddd to talk to him yest but i didnt want to be the weak part, u know. i think if he even wants me to be in his life he has to show he has a freaking hear and that i matter (i already think i suck, thats why i getttt so madddd when he doesnt give a damn!)

I understand this, but some people will not respond to playing games, and of course, it could be that he thought you didn't want to know him by cutting him off - and he was only respecting your wishes.
If I tried something this with my other half then he would simply ignore me and act like there was nothing wrong. I know its the harder option, but its always better to talk than play games - like the above and you talking about being weak to talk first. Saves a lot of heartache and uncertainty on both sides

isnt playing games is having the ultimate proof he doesnt give a damn if i even exist! i asked all i had to ask for him its all good so it was the only thing left to do.

Actually, it is. Blocking someone in the hopes that they prove themselves to you is playing games. You are looking for some sort of sign that he thinks the world of you. I know you don't like to hear all these things, but its the truth - it's not the movies you know, people don't come running and begging for another chance - especially as this guy, in person, showed you that he is not into you for whatever reason. You know what? That is his choice, he is allowed to feel that way, and it doesnt have to be a reflection of you - sometimes we do not click and it looks like in the real world, he didn't click with you. There is no reason for it sometimes, call it chemistry if you like.

I do think you are obsessing slightly. Yes, I understand that you've lost someone that you chatted and felt a connection with, but a lot of people can be different online than in person. Some people find it easier to chat online, and they can also be whoever they want to be without worrying. I also understand that you've lost a bit of a dream with this guy, a dream that you could be together and that is always painful.

But as said before, and others too, best thing is to forget about him in a special way, or understand that things are not going to happen. Get on with your own life and live it the best you can - then you can meet people you connect with in person, and also keeping busy will keep you away from the computer and relying on him for company. You are wasting your time here.

Please don't take this as me being nasty, because that is not my intention. It's just I am 'outside' the situation as it were, and not wrapped up in the pain. It makes it a lot easier to see what will help you get over this chap and be happier in your own skin. Wanting someone to like you isn't enough sometimes, no matter how much we want it and yes, its a horrible feeling, but it happens. Sorry...

Good luck..

This all seems so convoluted and SO much, TOO much work, to become a significant other with a many you've met online who is playing mindgames with you. Just forget this guy. Stop wasting your emotional energy! Seriously...move on!

today i asked him: were u ever interested in me or this was all a joke? first he says of course i did, ur interesting and pretty.
i was relieved then he just kills me, says my life is all jumbled up, dont demand. i said isnt demanding... i thought u didnt like me when we met.
his reply: u have a lot of qualities and i like u as a friend!!!
me: ouch. why was i "babe" and now im a "friend"?
him: never was more than a friend, i like u, u have plenty of characteristics that i like...

CAN SOMEONE KILL ME?? :'(

I asked about his attitude... flirt and asking about ex and jelousy... he just said we were getting to know each other and blablabalabla

NOW IM THE ONE DREAMING? U ****ING KIDDING ME???
eventually he said im not looking for a relationship. im single and will be for indeterminate time!!!! is he ****ing kidding me? did he forgot to mention it when he ****ing asked me 50000000 times to see me on skype, tell me how he liked me mad, how i looked more beautiful if i smiled???? CAN SOMEBODY KILL ME CAZ IM SICK OF THIS **** :'( I MUST HAVE SOME ****ING THING WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD SAYING SCREW WITH ME CAZ U CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why cant he admit it???? i feel like strangle him!!!

nobody gives a damn but i feel like talking.

i kept asking him to tell me to give me the REAL reason why he changed his behavior but he kept not wanting to argue anything. just saying he never wanted more than friends (wtf?) and that we were just getting to know each other. like... seriously??? u hit on everyone ur getting to know and when u know them u stop showing interest??? lolol

then i was aggravated and started being an *** telling him to just delete me, to tell me to **** off and wahtnot so eventually he ignored me. he hasnt deleted me. but till today he wasnt online... probb hes invisible as usual or he just blocked me

in therapy we kinda came to conclusion i didnt want him either caz he wasnt very affectionate but the idea of him having met someone else and liking her hurts a lot. so im completely confused maybe caz i wanna believe that deep down he can actually be sweet... i wasnt good enough for him to want it with me and prob he will be with someone else (if that makes any sense)

I'm glad your therapy helped, sorta ?

I don't think any of it was about being "good enough" for him. You asked him and he told you he isn't looking for a relationship right now and his interest with you id friendship, and that is Okay. You may not like his answer but it is what it is.

You can't make anyone want you , like you , need you or love you. It either happens or it doesn't. Both parties need to feel the same.

Just move on with your life. If you are unable to stop obsessing over him and whether he is online or not, maybe its time to turn off the computer and go outside, take a walk, find other ways to connect with people.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

hi thanks for ur reply. it didnt actually. i want him anyway, go figure. today i feel like ****. i sent him a msg, he was offline, but it delivered so im guessing he didnt block me. but then i went to facebook and saw he changed his pic so he was online. he doesnt want to talk to me. i dont even matter to him. if i died he wouldnt even notice. and i just cant understand how someone shows sooo much interest and ask to meet u in person soooo many times and then just changes out of blue. it hurts wayyy too much

Hey you..

Am concerned about this. You're spending way too much thinking about this fella, and watching his every move on the internet. I fear that you are obsessing.

I do understand that him not liking you hurt, and it's really disappointing. But chick, this is life. People let us down, they play games with us too sometimes. They also have every right to not want to date you, despite what they said before - people are allowed to change their minds for whatever reason. Sure, it hurts but seriously, that IS life - we go through some ducks before we meet a gem - you, me, nearly everyone goes through this bar a few lucky ones.

Now, the way you're behaving with this chap and the stuff you've talked about on here will and has most probably already raised some alarm bells in this fella. He may just want to steer clear from you - and perhaps that even friendship isn't what he wants anymore and you know I do not blame him - I'd be the same. No matter how hard you try with him, and in fact, the harder you try it can make it worse. Really, for your own good, you've got to start getting on with your life. I'll write it again - but you can NOT make anyone like you, no matter how much you want it. It's a tough lesson to learn, and am afraid you've no other option but to learn it. I think too it would be beneficial go back to the therapist and try to understand why you react so badly to rejection because this isn't healthy.

I guess you'll ignore this, as well as all the other good advice given tho because it's not what you want to hear. I guess you'll have to put yourself through much more pain before you get to move on - and this is what it is - you're putting yourself through all of this pain, not this man.

Good luck...

people have right to change their mind but i have the right to know why. caz if he comes with ******** like he did, clearly he was just ****ing with me. someone that says my intention was never more than friend assumes im thinking who is with him when he goes out? or shows so much interest in guys i meet ou wtv? give me a break!! i dont want to make him want me, im not a moron but i would appreciate if he was HONEST with me THATS ALL!

there are never ducks even. so yeah whenever a ****ing idiot remembers i exist i think FINALLY is my time to have someone but obviously is too ****ing pretentious of me caz im not entitled to a ****ing thing!

thank you!

Nope, you do not have the right to know why. Sorry. In an ideal world you should, but sorry, nobody has to tell you anything. If he want's to completely blank you that's up to him. Yes, it means he's unkind, but that is his choice. A normal reaction would be to walk away after three or so weeks of this as it's getting you nowhere. He is simply not worth all this distress, am sorry you can't see this.

I hope you don't sit and stew in an angry pot for too long and find some peace with this soon.

LOOK ! He did tell you !

I hope you actually seek some help, your obsessing over him.

Get help ... really you need it.

Unfortunately, yes...he's kidding you. The whole, "Oh, I'm not looking for a relationship right now!" excuse is almost always (if not always) a BS excuse. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but he really hasn't told you his "reason" if he even has one, and at this point may not.

I've been where you are...it hurts. That's why it pains me to write the above paragraph. The only way I dealt with rejection was to not be rejected...by not liking anyone. Or as soon as I start liking someone, try to keep a very wary distance and not get too attached. I don't think that's practical for most people though...I wish I had a more practical solution.

Have you researched borderline personality disorder ?