No desire for cheating boyfriend

My boyfriend cheated on me and expects me to be able to get in the mood and actually have sex with him like nothing ever happened. It was not only cheating, he had a whole separate life with her and her children, telling her he had nothing to do with me, and telling me the same thing about her. I should have caught on when she helped him with his resume and put down the address of where they were both living, but when confronted about it he played stupid and said he had no idea why she would put her address on his resume. I spent some time on the computer changing the address to his father's, where he was supposedly staying. I found out a whole lot of information when he accidentally forgot to sign out of his email account on my tablet. That information included the lovely fact that apparently he had gotten her pregnant at least twice. But I digress...he is mystified by the fact that I have very little desire to sleep with him, I can't stop picturing them together. I did agree to put it behind us and move on, but in order to do that I need to know a few things and I need to know just exactly how long he was making a fool out of me, all the while telling both of us that he loved only the one and the other is some obsessed psycho. He steadfastly refuses to discuss anything pertaining to her with me. I don't want gory details, just a few confirmations of some of my suspicions. It would help me greatly if I can just get a handle on how much of a fool he was making out of me. He spoke to several friends about the problems he was having with her, and went so far as to tell a mutual friend that he suspected I was on heroin or something, which is absolutely untrue, I have never tried it and have absolutely no desire to ever try it. I don't want anything to do with people that use it, it is just a really bad thing that I want no part of. So he humiliated me to a friend I think to justify distancing himself from me to spend more time with her. Sorry, I digressed again...tonight we had a pretty serious fight and the last thing he demanded was that when he gets home (after not sleeping here last night or communicating with me all day today) I should be ready, willing, able and desiring him. I find it kind of difficult to desire someone that couldn't bother to be faithful to me, and still finds reasons to spend the night elsewhere, although he swears up and down that he is done with her. He refuses to unfriend her on Facebook, and I have tried to explain how disrespectful that is to me, but he just doesn't get it and thinks that it's no big deal. Am I wrong for not wanting to jump his bones the second he walks in the door? Also I should mention that sex physically feels different to me, not nearly as pleasurable as it used to, and he is the first man that took the time to find my g spot, and also caused my very first vaginal orgasms at age 46. I am having a very hard time having orgasms, when he is trying to cause them, and sometimes I can't even do it myself. Is this because I am so upset by the whole debacle, or is something physically wrong with me? Please, I desperately need some advice! Thank you very muc in advance.

Being able to reach that point of satisfaction can be just as emotionally based as physically. If it becomes debilitating and you continue to have troubles over time, of course speak with a doctor about it.

As far as being told you are expected to be in the mood, the moment he arrives, when you are having trust issues, surrounding your relationship.

Can't force trust to be there, when this sounds like something to be resolved. And then for him to tell people you are on drugs, what a horrible thing to tell about someone!!!!

*hug*

The cheating, the lies about you taking drugs, the refusal to talk about the cheating and help you find some peace. Well, I have no idea how he has the cheek to expect you to lie back and be willing....

... well, while I hate to be rude about your fella, is he either really selfish or plain old clueless? A lot of people are effected in the bedroom by emotional issues and it's pretty horrible that he either doesn't get this or care. Quite frankly he should be kissing the ground you are walking on for taking him back after all this, well, if not that he most certainly should be doing a lot to regain your trust. Talking about the affair is a start if you need it and putting his own desires behind yours. Not demanding sex is another. And basically, treating you with the respect you deserve and hasn't yet shown you. I wonder why you are letting him do this to you?

Hugs.

Until I read the part about his record with your G-spot and vaginal orgasms, I could not understand why you would possibly keep him.

He had relationships with two women telling each one that he loved her alone and that the other one was an obsessed psycho, on heroin or off heroin... - it seems enough to me for BOTH women to never want him in the future. No? I mean, this was cheap, lame, and dumb of him.

Also, to the extent that he is over 20 (since you are 46, and, since he made the other woman pregnant twice, I am making an assumption that he is over 20) and still does not know that one cannot will desire - that you have the desire or not and whether you have the desire is largely outside of your conscious control - he seems incurable as in "imbecility is incurable".

Then again, I am 42 and have not had vaginal orgasms and do not know if I have a G-spot, so to the extent that this guy was able to find your G-spot and discovered your ability to have vaginal orgasms, which is very rare in women, I can see why you might want to carry on with him. But for that reason alone!

I think you need to stop worrying about him and what he wants. He betrayed you. Whether he is through with the other woman does not matter. Do you want a relationship with someone who can lead a double life? Why? Can you write a list of qualities you want in a partner? When it is done, think of it as a list you require in a partner. Does he meet these expectations? If not, there is no point to continuing. You sound like an abuse victim. Does his verbal disrespect bring you some feelings of belonging or importance? Are you unable to leave? This man does not deserve a partner. He lives for his own benefit. When you no longer serve his needs, he is moving on to some one who does. You need to move on now. Don't let him use you.

Why do you stay with him? I just don't get it... He didn't just cheat or betray you, he went as far as leading 2 seperate lives, that is dishonesty on an entirely different level.

And to spread lies about you? Humilliate you, in order to keep his 2 lives from colliding??? Thats cruel, brutal and utterly disrespectful.

He is obviously an imbecile if he thinks demanding sex is they way to go. Again, why stay? I could never date an imbecile, but that's just me, I don't date "down" anymore.

You deserve better, much better. I'm sorry if I was unhelpful, I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that you actually agreed to continue a relationship with this sorry excuse of a man.

My unsolicited advice is to leave him of course. He's an emotionally abusive, philandering, self-centred douchebag who doesn't deserve to lick the dirt off your boots let alone have sex with you.

Has he been tested for STD's and AIDS? ugh please if you are staying with him, have him tested for everything before letting his filthy paws near you, the last thing you want is for him to give you a disease. The fact that the other woman has a child by him or even talks of a child means they definitly did not practice safe sex.

Trippin did distill it down to what is most important in practical terms: pregnancy==>unprotected sex==>risk of STI. You yourself need to get tested.