[mylifeart]

i posted this somewhere else well part of it .
i do not think its where i should really post it, since its not all about my therapist .
my husband is going to jai for 3 months, he was just at rehab for 4 mths... he is getting pvd for leaving state to go to rehab,,, i think its stuid theres nothing i can do.. i am going to his hearing tomorrow hoping and praying the judge just lets him come home.. i miss him so much.. i feel so distant and have so much anger towards him because he has left me and his daughter for so long. i am distancing myself from him, i he goes or 3 more mths its going to get worse.
i am in therapy and feel like i have no relationship with my therapist,, no attachment and no feelings.. the only feelings i have is if i leave her i will feel bad for her because she thinks we are making progress. .i don't know if my feelings in therapy is because i am distancing from my husband so i am distancing my therapy,,, but i really need to wok on my issues before he comes back home. but i mean, i am just cold towards my therapist.
idk what to do..
i mean i have a thing for male therapist too.. old ones, not as my therapist as a sexual partner.. no strings attached. just sex.. i am scared that i am so depressed and vunerable if i run into another situation with another male therapist i am going to mess up and be unfaithful.. i feel so lonely and i cant stand it much longer.. i feel alienated from my husband and i am tired of sitting at home with no one to cook for.. i mean my kids.. but i mean like a man, no one to talk to at night, no one to have sex with, no one to have adult convos with (my parent and siblings but its not the same) i just feel like a widow of my own emptiness and i feel like my husband is never coming back... and when he does i am going to be overwhelmed... if i don't have a relationship with my therapist how i am going to deal with this??

Reading your post the most overwhelming part is that you are thoroughly fed up and depressed. Fair enough too, with all that is going on.

I think that while your husband is in jail, if he goes, is to really work on you. If you are distancing yourself, then perhaps accept it for now. Your relationship will be different for a while, and there's little you can do about it. If you work on you, and perhaps get to a better place then perhaps you will reconnect and end up in a better place together? I just think with so much going on that it's better to try and work on one thing at a time, rather than feel overwhelmed with all that is going on.

If you have sexual relationships towards your male therapists, please switch to a woman and (I presume) take that out of the way. If you're feeling no connection and your therapy isn't working for you (despite what they may think) then you should switch anyhow. Its your money and your life so don't feel bad for it.

And fair enough for missing adult conversation with someone close. OK, you're in for a tough few months without him, but try and keep remembering that the time will go, and it will probably go fast. How many times do we find ourselves saying 'where did the year go' when it comes to Xmas again? Try and think more positively if you can. Sure, you'll miss sex, but nobody ever died for not having sex for 3 months! If you have parents and siblings around, would they perhaps be able to babysit occasionally so you can get out and see some friends? At least there will be some more adults to talk to and may help to lift your spirits.

Please take one problem at a time, and focus on that. As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day, and you'll not be able to solve everything at once.

Be kind to yourself.
Hugs

[healingme4me]

That is a lot to go through right now. 4 months away in rehab, and perhaps another 3 months in jail.

Have you told your therapist that you feel cold towards her?

It does sound concerning that something of a sexual nature sounds guaranteed with a male therapist?!? Switching genders, over just three more months without a husband, have you raised this concern with your current therapist?

Hang in there. Three more months, brings us all to September, of this year.

[mylifeart]

thanks
well I have a female therapist. . about the male therapist thing I have had previous reltionships with them, and somehow I always end up hooking up with a male therapist whether its seeing them just in the agency when I am leaving a session or strating, to seeing them at a store or like the last time I was at the gas station pumping my gas when the one came up and started talking to me its happened twice to me... one of them actually was my case manager at one period of my life. the other was a psychiatrist at the agency I was going to. not mine but, a givin I did see him and I did run into him at the agency a couple of times. I have never seen a male therapist, and had sex with them when I was in there care.. the case manager it almost happened at the time he was my case manage it didn't almost 3 years later after I quit seeing him I hooked up with him... its complicated. I don't particualry like seeing males as my therapist because I know it would not be nothing but boundries being crossed.. and + i feel like men are not understanding of my issues because they r not a women (no offense to men)
fortunately i don't want this to happen again, but i find myself waiting to go into a session with my therapist and a male therapist walks by, they look at me and smile and i smile back.. i think "oh my do not do that, don't smile at me like that if you happen to see me somewhere or talk to me and start even feeling a little bit understanding i am probally going to sleep with you"... so its not really to do with therapy its more personal, and on there part its okay because they are not my therapist its okay.. i understand the case manager part, because he was my case manager.. but the other one was not. so it aside of therapy its more my preference to men in general.
i am trying to work this through therapy... i just feel like i am not expressing my emotions enough.. and i don't want too with her which is generating this depression and i feel like i have some kind of de-connection with people.. which probally is about my husband.. and i think sometimes its about my therapist which it is not... because i have no relationship with her.. i don't care about her in anyway. ughhhhhhh i stress myself out

Sorry, I didn't realise you had a female therapist. I still think tho that if it's not working for you, its ok to change. However, are you supposed to care about your therapist? I think trusting them, liking their methods are more important.

I agree, maybe it's worth putting it out there to her how you do not feel connected. And tell her you feel like you're not expressing yourself enough. She maybe able to help you.

Good luck..

[mylifeart]

well the last relationship I had was a severe attachment on both parts and she was female and it ended badly for both of us, now we are both conflicted with feelings for eachother and its to late to fix them.. and feel like we both lost a part of ourselves due to boundry issues.. I try to express myself to others that I know people may want this type of caring relationship from there therapist, but if they care to much it will effect you treatment and the therapist personally.. which leads to not having that person as your therapist and find myself very upset to know my therapist personally was not like she was when she was my "therapist" and hurts deeply.
that's why I have issues with my therapist now. I mean I don't feel like I can trust her... but attachment may have to happen to resolve this.. for the life of me I tried... and I do trust her to be attached to her.. she reassured me she will not do the other things the other therapist did.. but for the life of me I can not! it frustrates me..
when my husband is home its easy to toss these feelings aside and feel occupied with our relationship. right now I think to much.
thankfully I kinda cut myself off from the last therapist thanks to this site I got advice from someone and took it.. the feelings are starting to leave me I had for her.. but the feelings left for my new therapist is very very cold.. like nothing is there to feel with her. and honestly I want to feel something.. I used to have a problem with cutting and these feelings uset to be the reason I did it to feel some sense of "feeling alive" .. I learned that is not an option anymore thankfully.. but I just want to feel something with her to feel like I am here.. I am alive.. I can feel for someone besides my last therapist and feel something from someone.. because those feelings for my husband are starting to fade away.
and maybe you are right about maybe this is an opportunity to make our relationship better when he comes home.. time to deal with my problems and make me a better person for him, to help him want to keep sober.. instead of being so angry when he comes home. I guess it can go two ways.. we either like the new people we both become or we don't.. nothing I feel like I can do and it scares me to the core of me.

[healingme4me]

Thanks for the clarification, I was concerned about potential for the patient/therapist line crossed, for you

Perhaps, not feeling emotionally bonded/connected to your new T, can be a positive thing? Or does that hinder your ability to open up to a complete stranger about life?

How did your husbands hearing go? Will he be coming home? Was there a shortened period of time to be served?