[Amelie81]

Yeah, I know even if he doesn't call, I'll move on, there's someone out there for everyone, right? It doesn't make it any easier to have a guy blow me off, I feel like there must be something wrong with me. I thought we had a really great date last week, he said we should go out this friday and he that he would call me sometime this week, but it's wednesday night, and he hasn't called. It's so frustrating, because I've made myself vulnerable, and now I have to wait for HIM to make the next move. I hate not being in control. I feel awful, if he doesn't call tonight, I'm going to be really depressed.

I feel sick thinking about it! I have a bad feeling...I have issues with self-esteem, and this really makes me feel worthless and ugly. I don't know why dating is so hard for me, it's always been difficult, I never feel as though guys find me attractive...but if I was this wouldn't be a problem. I keep questioning myself, what if I'm just too stupid or socially inept or ugly for any guy to be interested in me? This is why I can't date anymore, I really can't handle this kind of rejection.

[seeker1950]

Amelie, I think fellas DO usually call if they're interested in you, not just to make another date, but just because they want to maintain contact and build the relationship. If this is frustrating you at this point, I say blow it off. Maybe he'll call; maybe he won't, but it's not worth the anxiety you're experiencing. You are lovely and needn't be putting yourself down or feeling inadequate. Yes, dating is hard (for me also to the point that I've stopped entirely...but I'm much older).
It would be helpful in giving you feedback to know what was the nature of the date? A first meeting...How did you meet him? Is this the fella you wrote about previously? or someone new? If this is, by chance, someone you met on an Internet dating site (nothing wrong with that, BTW), just know they are possibly meeting a lot of potential dates...that's just the way it is with Internet meetings/dating.
Patty

[Amelie81]

Thanks for your reply. I thought we had a really good date, this is the same guy I posted about earlier...I thought he wasn't interested. My dad is the one who set us up, after the date he told my dad he thought I wasn't interested, that I was too good looking for him (yeah right)...he was probably just sucking up to my dad for whatever reason. So we met for dinner and a movie after our awkward first date and things went a lot better, at least from where I was sitting. I had a lot of fun, I thought he did too (I guess not).

I said we should do this again sometime at the end of the date and he said, "yeah, how about friday?" Then he said he would call this week. He was out of town for the weekend, but I figured he would call tuesday or wednesday, but he blew me off and I don't know why. I mean, why suggest a definite day?

I know this isn't worth me getting upset over, but I can't help it. I really liked him and thought there was a possibility he felt the same way. I'm so bummed.

[seeker1950]

Amelie, honey, first of all....please don't let yourself be "bummed out" about this. I could be that you will still hear from him, but my intuition tells me that if he was sincer he would have called you sooner. Now...what if he does still call..LATE, to suggest getting together for the weekend. My response to him would be, "I had hoped to hear from you, but since I didn't, I have already made plans." Then suggest if he wants to see you again to contact you (sooner!!!). Don't let him think you are awaiting him holding your breath!
Have you read HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU? It's a kinda silly book, but it does tell how men behave when they are desirous of a female and I read it when I was being rejected. It was an eye-opener!
Patty

[Amelie81]

That is why I'm so hurt though, because I thought he was interested, and now I know he isn't. I just don't know why guys don't think I'm attractive or worth their time. I wish I knew what was so wrong with me.

If he really found me attractive then he would have called. We got along really well on the date, so it has to be the way I look. I know it is, I'm so embarrassed that I was stupid enough to think any guy would actually be interested. I really wish I could just not wake up tomorrow, I'm through with feeling this pain.

[seeker1950]

Amelie, my gosh....please don't feel it's your fault! Hey, maybe YOU could have been the one not answering calls or wanting further contact...for whatever reason. This does not mean the fella was wretched or ugly! And you are certainly not unattractive, hun!
At the age of 27, I just felt I HAD to find a man and get married. I felt much like you, insecure about my ability to attract a man. I met and married a coworker, knowing full well it was inadequate emotionally. Then I stayed for 20 miserable years. How much happier I would have been had I just found peace within myself and not been so anxious about forming a relationship.
I hope, for you, that you will just let this go. It seems you have put a lot of emphasis and importance on these couple of dates with this fella, and you are much more valuable than that!
Loving thoughts,
Patty

[Sujin]

Hi Amelie,

I can understand your distress, but just because he hasn't called does not necessarily mean he's not interested in you. He may have other issues going on that have nothing to do with you.

If I were in your situation, I would call him (even if he said he'd call) and ask him casually if he still wanted to get together, and mention that since you hadn't heard from him you just wanted to know what was going on so that you could make other plans without worrying if he is going to call at the last minute. I think if he knows that you have a busy and full life (whether you do or not) it will make him realize that you are not just sitting around waiting for him to call.

Whatever happens, don't be down on yourself, ok? You are special and worthy of love and respect, and if he really isn't interested, then it's his loss.

Hugs,
Sujin

[seeker1950]

Please don't call him!

[Sujin]

I think Seeker has a valid point too. Sometimes it's best to just let things go. I was just stating what I would do, and what I have done in situations like this. I'm just one of those people who want to know what's up, whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. I like communication.I also like to put closure on things, so that I don't dwell on whatever or whoever I'm having a problem with, or wonder what could have been, or why it didn't work out, etc.

I think the main point all of us are trying to make is that you are special, Amelie, and deserving of being treated with respect.

Sujin

[seeker1950]

I understand where you're coming from, Sujin, regarding clarity and even closure. This is something a person with a healthy dose of self-esteem could do, without suffering. I fear that for Amelie to do that, though, she would be placing herself in an even more precarious position. I definitely think if the fella is sincerely interested, he WOULD call!
Patty

[Sujin]

I have a better understanding now, Seeker. (((Patty)))

I think you are right as far as Amelie letting things go and not calling the guy. I was just stating what I have done in the past and what worked for me. I realize that this isn't the right solution for everyone.

Thank you for letting me see things from a different viewpoint!

(((Amelie))), I hope you are ok. My thoughts are with you!

Sujin

[Amelie81]

Thanks for your thoughts....he actually called thursday night (last minute) and asked if I would want to go out saturday night instead. He planned the whole thing, found this comedy club and made reservations, so I guess I was freaking out for nothing. We had a great date, and we are going out again tonight.

I think I'm a nice person, but I do feel insecure when it comes to the way I look. I just really want to stop thinking about how unattractive I am compared to everyone else, but it's hard.

I just want to enjoy myself, but I know the way I look probably makes it harder for guys to find me attractive. I'm trying hard not to think about it too much.

[Rhapsody]

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Amelie81 said:
I think I'm a nice person, but I do feel insecure when it comes to the way I look. I just really want to stop thinking about how unattractive I am compared to everyone else, but it's hard.

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((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

I understand................................ really I do, been there done that, still do at times.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -